Hey I just need some advice from you guys.. I was dumped by my partner about 3 weeks ago. We had been together for two years, last September he broke up with me saying that he didn't love me and was still in love with his ex. After three months apart he begged me to come back to him, said he's made a huge mistake and that he realised he loved me. He has spent the last 7 months convincing me, his family and our friends that he loved me only to break the news three weeks ago that he had made anothe mistake, wished he'd never contacted me again in January and that he never really ever loved me.
I have been absolutely gutted. He said he wanted to be friends with me, and has been intouch by text, through facebook etc at irregular intervals. I've found it really difficult cus i still love him, but obviously he doesnt love me. He tells me what he's doing, going out and how his new friends are looking after him, and i just feel like i'm dying....
I have been low enough as it is cus i had major surgery on my back 6 weeks ago, and i was only just recovering and walking again when he decided to dump me. How can someone tell so many lies and act the way he has - he was only talking about a civil partnership before i went in for surgery. Anyway, I keep trying the no contact route but crumbling after a few days. He's also told me i have got to keep the key i had for his apartment. I feel like he is ony doing this just in case his new life fails and i become plan B again for him....
Oh wow, you poor thing! That is a terrible way to treat some one. Dont let his selfishness cause you any more grief. He's obviously only thinking about himself, and hasnt bothered to worry about how his actions have effected you.
Mail him the key to his place back, and cast this person out of your life FOR GOOD! He's already been given two chances, and he used both of them to prove what a rotten person he really is. You cant trust him and he obviously doesnt deserve your love.
Im sorry you had to go through this, but dont let him keep hurting you. Go no contact, and stick to it. Youll feel better in the long run, even if you have some rough days over the next month or two.
You already know what he is doing to you (putting you on hold to see if he could do better and then coming back to you when he can't), so just remember how bad he has treated you and go NC. Come on this site when you feel like you can't do it or are just thinking about him and it will help you. Don't let him play with your heart and make you look like a fool in front of your friends and family. He is not worth it and you deserve better! Good luck!
Hey I just need some advice from you guys.. I was dumped by my partner about 3 weeks ago. We had been together for two years, last September he broke up with me saying that he didn't love me and was still in love with his ex. After three months apart he begged me to come back to him, said he's made a huge mistake and that he realised he loved me. He has spent the last 7 months convincing me, his family and our friends that he loved me only to break the news three weeks ago that he had made anothe mistake, wished he'd never contacted me again in January and that he never really ever loved me.
I have been absolutely gutted. He said he wanted to be friends with me, and has been intouch by text, through facebook etc at irregular intervals. I've found it really difficult cus i still love him, but obviously he doesnt love me. He tells me what he's doing, going out and how his new friends are looking after him, and i just feel like i'm dying....
I have been low enough as it is cus i had major surgery on my back 6 weeks ago, and i was only just recovering and walking again when he decided to dump me. How can someone tell so many lies and act the way he has - he was only talking about a civil partnership before i went in for surgery. Anyway, I keep trying the no contact route but crumbling after a few days. He's also told me i have got to keep the key i had for his apartment. I feel like he is ony doing this just in case his new life fails and i become plan B again for him....
Thanks guys, I have made a decision to go no contact, and haven't text him or had any contact for 24 hours now. I know it'll be hard because this guy was my best friend as well as my partner, and over the last two years I have helped him put his business back together and supported him as he sorted out his head and the financial mess left by his partnership with his previous ex, who I know he still loves but can't have.
It just seems as soon as he is starting to get settled and everything is finally going okay with his life, he dumps me. Since he dumped me I know he has been crying to our mutual friends saying his previous ex has ruined his life and in the process is the real one to blame for breaking us up and for him treating me as he has. He has said and he is basically the victim in all of this, and our mutual friends have totally bought it. He's even been calling me threatening suicide one day then telling me he is going out with his new friends the next. I seriously think one of us must be mad as cheese!
Should I enclose a letter with the keys or just send them back with no note?
I am two days NC now, and my god it is difficult, especially with so called mutual friends asking if i've spoken to him etc. I wish i had been strong enough to go NC from the moment he dumped me 3 weeks ago, i would've been further down the line by now!
I know it'll be hard because this guy was my best friend as well as my partner,
That's the toughest part, for sure. It really sucks to lose the person to whom you told everything, the person you trusted with your secrets, the one you thought would always be there to listen to you and comfort you. But in your case it sounds like this guy really didn't have his head or his life together. His indecision had nothing to do with you, it had to do with him not knowing who he really is or what he wants. What a sad position to be in! I know it doesn't seem this way to you now, but the fact that you were the stable one who was able to love him through what sound like major issues makes you the winner. It shows that you have your sh*t together and know what you want, and the same can't be said for your ex. You deserve someone who has your same level of stability and maturity, and when you find that person you'll wonder what you ever saw in your ex.
I think you are probably right Sedgwick. He is immature and doesnt know what he wants. I once asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted it all. It's almost like he has never grown up. I also know he was using various websites chatting to guys and swapping photographs and arranging to meet them he said as friends, which made me feel so insecure. I never want to feel that way again, and never will...
How old is he? He sounds like he's still going through his "young and stupid" phase. And if he's not young, he's definitely still stupid. Basically it just sounds like he has no idea how to behave in a relationship, and as such, is not ready for one.
Also, I hope you're recovering nicely from your surgery!
Last edited by sedgwick; 5th September 2008 at 7:53 AM..
He's 38 but has never really grown up, and his new friends are much the same. They are all late 30's and early 40's but act like kids, and are so immature in relationships. I had to do everything for him, he seemed incapable of coping with life, and i suspect that's why his ex ended up running off with someone else too.
I have been no contact for a week now, and i've cancelled my Facebook membership, erased my gaydar profile and blocked the ex from my MSN. I have erased his friends from my mobile phone and some of the mutual friends who have favoured him. It hurts like hell but i refuse to have him impact on my life anymore and i refuse to do the stalker behaviour anymore and keep checking to see what he is doing.. I've packed up the last of his things, his keys etc and taken them to a mutual friend who will deliver them to him today.
I have been no contact for a week now, and i've cancelled my Facebook membership, erased my gaydar profile and blocked the ex from my MSN. I have erased his friends from my mobile phone and some of the mutual friends who have favoured him. It hurts like hell but i refuse to have him impact on my life anymore and i refuse to do the stalker behaviour anymore and keep checking to see what he is doing.. I've packed up the last of his things, his keys etc and taken them to a mutual friend who will deliver them to him today.
No I just need to start feeling human again.
you will get there, your doing great keep at it..
its tough in the begining but believe me it gets better
im starting nc 2nd time around
__________________ KICK ME HARD IF I BREAK NC.. HE IS A COMPLICATION I CAN DO WITHOUT.. forever gone
I feel terrible today. Completely empty and missing him like hell. I'm 7 days no contact and although I have no intention of contacting him I miss him like hell. I didn't sleep last night and spent practically all night lying in bed going over and over recent events. I tried to switch off but just couldn't. It has been over 4 weeks now and although i've stopped crying as much i'm still very very low and very very lonely. Becoming comfortable in my own skin again is difficult and moving on feels impossible..
I just want to run away and hide from everyone. I'm finding i'm making excuses not to meet my friends and am just cutting myself off cus i need time to heal.
Had a bit of a lapse last night and checked his facebook profile. I was gutted to see that he is saying he is "feeling fabulous" and is "happy now he's moving on". I have now decided after 10 days NC that i need some extreme measures to get this man out of my head and my life. So far I have blocked him on MSN, erased my facebook profile, erased my gaydar profile, changed my mobile phone number cus i couldnt block him on my Motorola phone, and have made sure if he tries to email me it will be bounced back to him....I've also erased the mutual friends who have been eager to contact me and drop new items about him into conversation. I have culled half of my phonebook cus I know these people arent really my friends.
I have blocked all the sites that I know he uses. I don't need to know what he is doing or who he is seeing, it just makes life even more worse and also delays my progress in getting through this dark period.
Been NC for some three weeks now, and it has been hard.. I've had a few wobbles but I was kinda coping with it until i spoke to a mutual friend on MSN last night. He dropped into the conversation that he had bumped into my ex. Apparently my ex asked about me and also asked to be remembered to me! Remembered to me? Like i'm some long lost friend or something and not the guy he unceremoniously dumped (twice) during a two year relationship. Apparently my ex also said he got the keys and some other stuff I sent back to him and he wanted to call me, but decided against it..
It was just hellish hearing information about him and hearing that he'd asked about me was like a thump in the stomach...
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Basically it just sounds like he has no idea how to behave in a relationship, and as such, is not ready for one.
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