In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I'm almost 36 and I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties, the friend who is the confidante to the guy dating the Barbie doll because he can't talk to Barbie, the pity date, the attractor of lesbians (i'm straight), the invisible girl, the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship.
I think I'm at the point where I've done everything i can to find someone, but i can't even find someone mediocre who won't lie to me, use me or betray me.
No male outside my dad, brother and two brothers-in-law have ever loved me, let alone given romantic love.
Is anyone else at this point? I'm giving up because emotionally, it's better for me - I can't take being burned again.
I have been at this point for couple of years now. I have simply given up and faced the fact that I am more than likely to end up alone. I was even willing to give a chance to men that I wasn't that attracted to, to find that they betrayed me also. It's sometimes better to accept this and live your life the best that you can without men.
I agree completely. NO relationship is better than a BAD one! I got sick and tired of being a special-friend/meal-ticket/safety-net for women "between relationships" myself.
I've been there - most recently when I had just turned 39. I had just about given up all hope of ever meeting anyone. So I went about just enjoying my life.
2 months later I met my b/f (been seeing him for just over 4 years now). I cannot tell you it's been perfect. In fact if you look at some of my posts, you'll see that everyone on this site has advised me to leave him, as he'll never give me what I want - however I'm both happy with what I do get from him (when not thinking about what I want) and I'm very reluctant to go back to being alone. So I guess I'm settling - does that make sense?
My overwhelming suggestion is that you pursue your own interests and live your life to the fullest, if someone comes along, great, if not you're happy anyway!
I know how you feel. Compared to my best friend, I am the invisible girl and hate how every guy is always attracted to her. I guess I feel like that in general too, but mostly when I am around her. She is also much better at the flirting stuff, and I am more of the shy awkward one. Sooo annoying. Anyway, I think you will find what you are looking for when you least expect it, be it a bf or just being content on your own. I knows it's hard not to think about it, but whenever you do, let your feelings out here, see that others are going through the same thing, and then I think it will be easier!
Yes, I do. I've been so close, yet so far. Situations seem promising, but not quite right. It is frustrating, but the more you try to force, the less it will happen.
So giving up may be the best thing. Then WHAM, it may hit you when you're not expecting it. Or so they say...
I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties...to...the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship...
I'm almost 36 and I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties, the friend who is the confidante to the guy dating the Barbie doll because he can't talk to Barbie, the pity date, the attractor of lesbians (i'm straight), the invisible girl, the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship.
I think I'm at the point where I've done everything i can to find someone, but i can't even find someone mediocre who won't lie to me, use me or betray me.
No male outside my dad, brother and two brothers-in-law have ever loved me, let alone given romantic love.
Is anyone else at this point? I'm giving up because emotionally, it's better for me - I can't take being burned again.
Hi Noos,
As a male who wants a serious relationship, I find myself apprehensive about committing to a woman who has too many close male connections - whether that be explicit photos of her ex-lovers or males whom have overtly sexual communications with them (i.e. friends).
These are the barriers to getting my whole heart; and with enough time together these things reveal themselves.
We all share these kinds of frustrations, but I've decided not to ever give up hope, because at one point (or another) I am going to meet the gal whom also wants a serious relationship and would make herself trustworthy and available for one and only one man.
I wish you luck
__________________
Fill a life with your love and take good care of it. Let it grow and cherish it.
As a male who wants a serious relationship, I find myself apprehensive about committing to a woman who has too many close male connections - whether that be explicit photos of her ex-lovers or males whom have overtly sexual communications with them (i.e. friends).
These are the barriers to getting my whole heart; and with enough time together these things reveal themselves.
We all share these kinds of frustrations, but I've decided not to ever give up hope, because at one point (or another) I am going to meet the gal whom also wants a serious relationship and would make herself trustworthy and available for one and only one man.
I wish you luck
Right there with you. Looks are only a small part of the equation.
I hear you. Think I'm kind of at the same point myself. I am 36 and don't know if I can take any more. And no offence to audrey_1 but I'm so sick of people saying 'just when you give up it will happen'. I've given up on the whole thing many times (rather like cigarettes!) and have just got on with my life, thrown myself into other things, and nothing happened, just as nothing happens when I try to be positive about my woeful situation and be proactive and on and on.
I'm tired of being always single, tired of being rejected, tired of, well basically everything that Noos said struck home. I've been all that too.
Sick of trying to better myself, learn from my mistakes, sick of trying to just be myself, sick of being secondary to every other bloody girl on the planet - I like you....just not as much as that girl over there, or your friend or some strange homeless woman wandering down the street or anyone.
At the moment I just think, well, you know, my life is pretty good otherwise, good friends, good social life, other interests which I can amply fill my time with...it's more, well, that's fine for now, but will I still be happy with this life when I'm 46 and will no longer be going out to clubs (I'm a little old for that right now, but don't give a toss) and when every body I know will be in a couple...what then? Will I turn into mad cat woman, with 6 million cats...probably...this is what's ahead, and yet I'm not going to settle for some guy just for the sake of having a man.
It would be nice, for once if I fell in love with someone and they fell in love with me too, at the same time. It doesn't seem like too much to ask for, but in actual fact right now it seems like an utter impossibility.
Sorry I'm not being more positive Noos, I'd love to say 'it's all going to be ok, don't worry'...but not even I, who has tried so hard to turn my situation around, think positively and just be happy with life, can do that as I'm in the same damn boat as you.
A woman can be 5 feet or 6 feet...she can be thin or curvy (so long as I can still bench press her )...she can be brown, bronze, olive, light complected...if she takes good care of all these things, she'll look her best, feel her best and someone will find that attractive.
If you're attracting lesbians and the pitty-party guy who wants to talk to you about barbie, then you're either in the wrong part of town, hanging out with the wrong crowd or some mix thereof.
Ever since my ex dumped me I have had only three dates in three years, and neither led to a second. I almost dread when the weekends come because then I don't have work to focus on, and unless I have a bunch of volunteer activities scheduled back-to-back, then I end up spending too much time alone putzing around the house or driving aimlessly while my friends are on "date nights" with their boyfriends or husbands. I am approaching 35 and feeling very depressed as each year passes without someone special to come home to, because I know that time is not on my side. Each year I become less and less of a desirable commodity. People tell me that I'm beautiful and a great catch, but it's very hard to believe when I feel so invisible to men who never approach me, never flirt with me and show no interest in me whatsoever.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
)...she can be brown, bronze, olive, light complected...if she takes good care of all these things, she'll look her best, feel her best and someone will find that attractive.
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