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Came to this realization the other night and it really sucks, this used to be my worst fear but thought I was just being very pessimistic but now I think it will become a reality. I just can’t see myself finding a girl I like, getting her to actually like me (22 and have yet to have a girl even look at me), seeing past my disgusting body, then trying to find a way not to screw up the relationship because I’m so emotionally damaged (clingy, needy, self conscious, need to be reassured constantly.)
My idea of my dream girl was always some really nice cute girl who I thought only existed in Hollywood teen movies, but saw a really cute girl who went to my college on HS classmate’s MySpace, read her profile and she seemed to be as close as you can get to my dream girl. I know this is pathetic but developed a crush on her but quickly realized even though this girl does exist I would never have a shot at her since pretty much every other guy wants a girl like her too and I am completely out of her, and any other girl that may be like her, league. This kind of sent me into a tailspin of depression. Now thinking of getting more plastic surgery, had massive weight loss in high school but was left with lots of loose skin, had one surgery after HS but it did not solve my problem. Only thing that is keeping me back on that is I’m terrified of doctor related stuff especially surgeries (pretty much went crazy prior to the first one to convince myself to get it) and the fact that I thought I would be ‘fixed’ after first surgery but was not even close, and don’t know what to realistically expect this time around and don’t want to turn into Michael Jackson and critique everything and get more surgeries. Also contacted a psychologist this week but really don’t know if that will help at all...
Wow you are really waaayyy too hard on yourself.. relax man!
You're only 22... what's the rush.. I know it's easier said than done.. but maybe counselling would help you..
I suppose you were obese .. how about support groups.. you might meet a girl who is in the exact same position you are in.. and would understand you much better.. who knows.. give it a shot!
__________________ "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
First off, enough with the surgeries. In my opinion, you should only go for those things if you have some sort of physical abnormality that is detrimental to your life, not because you think you look "disgusting". You never said in what sense but I can only assume that you were either really thin or really big. Either way, those issues could be remedied by natural means through healthier food consumption and daily exercise. Positive changes don't happen overnight, though, but I guarantee you that with patience and determination you will see those changes.
Now, as far as your emotional aspects are concerned, train yourself to be less needy and self-conscious. To become less clingy to a girl you're interested in, it's as easy as focusing your mind on other things like your favorite hobbies. To be less self-conscious, learn to appreciate who you are as a person. You can even look at this way: Everyone is self-conscious about their own imperfections, i.e. you're not alone, so there's no need to feel like you stand out from the crowd and have it any worse off.
The girl you like now might not return the same feelings for you, but you know what? That's okay. There are plenty of girls out there. All you need to do is be confident and give off a positive vibe, and soon you will find a partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kahn2154
Warning: vent.
Came to this realization the other night and it really sucks, this used to be my worst fear but thought I was just being very pessimistic but now I think it will become a reality. I just can’t see myself finding a girl I like, getting her to actually like me (22 and have yet to have a girl even look at me), seeing past my disgusting body, then trying to find a way not to screw up the relationship because I’m so emotionally damaged (clingy, needy, self conscious, need to be reassured constantly.)
My idea of my dream girl was always some really nice cute girl who I thought only existed in Hollywood teen movies, but saw a really cute girl who went to my college on HS classmate’s MySpace, read her profile and she seemed to be as close as you can get to my dream girl. I know this is pathetic but developed a crush on her but quickly realized even though this girl does exist I would never have a shot at her since pretty much every other guy wants a girl like her too and I am completely out of her, and any other girl that may be like her, league. This kind of sent me into a tailspin of depression. Now thinking of getting more plastic surgery, had massive weight loss in high school but was left with lots of loose skin, had one surgery after HS but it did not solve my problem. Only thing that is keeping me back on that is I’m terrified of doctor related stuff especially surgeries (pretty much went crazy prior to the first one to convince myself to get it) and the fact that I thought I would be ‘fixed’ after first surgery but was not even close, and don’t know what to realistically expect this time around and don’t want to turn into Michael Jackson and critique everything and get more surgeries. Also contacted a psychologist this week but really don’t know if that will help at all...
Do you realize that you have body dysmorphia disorder?
__________________
"You can't live your life in fear of rejection. You have to do what you feel is right at each crossroads, and you have to believe that you can find what you're looking for, even if you dont know yet what you're looking for." -Isolde, LS member
In regards to disgusting, I lost over 100lbs, think of those before/afters in which a person who had major weight loss looks like a deflated balloon. I've dieted/exercised for 5 years trying to fill up the loose skin and have been unsuccessful, it's either surgery or live with it.
And, after reading up on body dysmorphia disorder, yup, I have it.
In regards to disgusting, I lost over 100lbs, think of those before/afters in which a person who had major weight loss looks like a deflated balloon. I've dieted/exercised for 5 years trying to fill up the loose skin and have been unsuccessful, it's either surgery or live with it.
And, after reading up on body dysmorphia disorder, yup, I have it.
If it bothers you that much get the surgery. Just be sure you'll stop there and not find other flaws to correct.
think of it this way: focus on studies, get an awesome job, then with ur big wallet, you can buy urself a sexy provider every night for only 150-300. calculate this out: 200 avg X 5 times a week X 4 weeks = 4000 dollars of quality sex per month. That equates to 48000 dollars per year... and that's having sex 5 times a week! your average girl/wife will give you once a week and they eventually lay there and tell u to get it over with.
i am looking forward to making 100k a year so i can get myself this awesome package. 40 years old with 18 year old hot chick = awesome. 40 year old with whiny 38 year old chunky loose hag = you lose.
I just can’t see myself finding a girl I like, getting her to actually like me
I just wanted to add that when 'the right one' comes along it will not be about 'getting her to like you'.. its all far more natural than that. I would say that it is more important that you work on your thought patterns so that you do not attract someone with a simular negative outlook. I truly hope that you allow yourself time to develop new ways of looking at life and your achievements. I always tell my children to concentrate on finding things which they enjoy and make friendships because they really want to and for no other reason because love will come to them in one form or another. They just have to be prepared in order to recognise it when it arrives.
I am surprised that it is so easy for you to get surgery considering how vulnerable you seem at the moment. Please stop beating yourself up. There really is no need to be so harsh on yourself. Be kind to yourself and others wherever possible - life is too short for all of that. I hope in time this will become your reality..
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
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