Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I have been happily married for 15 years (got married young - I'm in my early 30s) and have 2 children. We have a great relationship. we go on dates frequently, have great talks, great sex, etc. Everyone comments how GREAT our marriage is and how they strive to have our relationship. He cheated on me while we were dating and had one (if not two) affairs in our 15 years. I forgave him and there are no hard feelings. A neighbor started flirting with me last summer. At first I was just flattered, but then became open to the possibly. To make long story short, we eventually slept together starting in January. He is single and definitely a "playboy."
What I thought could just be casual sex (i know, i know) has turned into me having feelings for him. He does not appear to feel the same way towards me, but definitely enjoys my company when we are together. He rightfully has apprehension because he doesn't know where the relationship can go and doesn't want anyone to find out. I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me?
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 9th September 2008 at 6:05 AM..
Well he probably isn't interested in anything more then sex because he know you are a cheater. Men don't usually look at a woman who is cheating on her H as a good prospect. There is no way to get around that, you have already 'tainted' his view of you.
I agree with Porter. And why do you worry about this guy and his feelings anyway, Michelle? At this point, you need to be more concerned with what you have done to your husband and the possible outcomes of that, once he finds out you betrayed him.
Yes you are kidding yourself. He doesnt want anyone to find out about you two and he doesnt know where the relationship will go because to him there is no relationship there is sex.
You are already in a (very commited) relationship anyway, why not focus on that and let this guy go.
[Am] I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? ... Could he be afraid of falling for me?
If he is, as you say, forty-plus years old, never married, emotionally guarded, and a playboy with commitment issues then my guess would be that it's likely his feelings for you would lean towards 'caring and companionable' rather than 'loving/in love and falling for'. But that's just my guess.
Under the circumstances, he might be able to convince himself that yes, he is at risk of falling, or has in fact already fallen, for you. But how could you tell for sure?
Because hisown true test really would only come AFTER you are also free to pursue an out-in-the-open romantic relationship with him -- and at that time, his habitual beliefs and behaviour around emotionally intimate and committed relationships could well take over again. (The facts of his current relationship with you would preclude him from really knowing what he'll do -- he has the safety-net built in, and it's highly unlikely that he knows, for sure and without doubt, how he'll react once that is removed.)
For your own heart's sake, I'd suggest you proceed with caution.
__________________
"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
Whats your payoff for being with him since you say you're in a happy marriage?
__________________
"If you want a quick response with alot of responses, post about sex, cheating, porn or political views, or gossip. Watch the responses roll in."
You gotta be kidding me. The fact that you cheated on your husband with him tells him that there's nothing else he should expect out from you besides sex.
Don't bother how he feels, I'm rather more concerned about your marriage. He's your neighbor, do you seriously think that you could keep this under wraps for long?
Its getting dangerous now that you have developed feelings for him, you need to get yourself out from that situation.
Let me get this right. You say you are in a happy marriage but you are having sex with another man behind your husband's back putting his health at risk for STD's. When you husband finds out (they always do) your entire marriage may end. Is this what you want? The OM is using you as a booty call for some good sex and you are willing to destroy your marriage and family for this and you claim you are in a happy marriage? If this is true then you are clearly in a self-destructive mode.
I doubt that you have such a great relationship with your husband to do what you are doing and willing to end up divorce. My guess is that you have never forgiven your husband in reality for his affairs and this is your anger and payback to him for them. Do you wish to be divorced? If you do then continue to humiliate, disrespect and show continued distain for your marriage and your husband and you will get your wish to be single once again.
Wow. Your neighbor even. Does your husband know him well? Get ready for divorce, relocation or, depending on your husband's temperament, some "legal complications" with your close friend.
You better end this and hope that other neighbors don't have any reason to be suspicious.
I agree with the other posters who question the reality of your "happy" marriage. You ponder the state of your affair, wondering matter-of-factly if your OM has "commitment issues" as if you're talking with the girls in the dorm about your college boyfriend, and yet you didn't share one thought - one word - in your post indicating that you have reflected upon the effect that this affair might have on your marriage, and the effect that it is having on who you are as a wife to your husband and a mother to your children.
You are asking the wrong quesions.
How can you say:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle1234
I have been happily married for 15 years (got married young - I'm in my early 30s) and have 2 children. We have a great relationship. we go on dates frequently, have great talks, great sex, etc.
... and then go on to ask:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle1234
I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me?
You need to decide whether you want a "great" marriage or a continuing affair, because you can't have both, and you have already chosen to set events in motion that will very likely result in you having neither.
Push the "Play" button here, and imagine what comes next - what do you forsee the possible outcomes being? What is your end game, because there will be one...
__________________ All that is now, All that is gone, All that's to come, and everything under the sun is in tune...
Last edited by Trimmer; 29th August 2008 at 4:19 AM..
I'm still trying to figure out WHY you forgave
your Husband for the TWO times he's cheated on
you since you've been married. And there's kids
involved? Priorities seem out of whack here, no offense.
you must be longing for some excitement, something different,
If you were in a happy marriage, you wouldn't be cheating..
simple as that.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
