[Blindsidedagainalive]

I have other threads about my stuggle with being the BS.

Last year my 'better half' had an affair which lasted 5 months (supposedly). I found out in Oct 07.
We fought a lot since then, and I have turned into an angry man.

We did talk about the affair, but did not discuss any of the sexual aspect of it...... Just where and how often.

Does anybody obsess about it everyday, for many hours?
I can get over the Emotional aspect, but the Physical aspect is such a killer for me. Can anyone relate??? Does it ever stop????How do I get over it???

For some reason, imagining the OM performing oral sex on her just devastates me more so than regular sex(actually, I don't know if this happened, I just assume it).

Should we talk about the sex in the affair?
Does it hurt or help?

[ricardotorero]

Initially I couldn't get the sexual thoughts out of my head, but this changed to obsessing about the lying, and her actions when with me through the period of the affair ie: obsessing on her "normal" actions and while I wasn't in the know. I think most of us obsess on something and I presume sexual acts being the commonest.

As is the answer to a lot of the posters on here, individual counselling will help.

Ricardo

[stevetaylor]

It took me a year to get over my girlfriend cheating on my via my best friend. This went on for a month or so...but the pain went away over time. We are no longer seeing each other...but we broke up for other reasons.

In my experience (and mine alone) it sucked big time, but time is the perfect healer.

Steve

[Unbelievable06]

I am having the very same problem. For me, it is the image of him kissing her and undressing her that kills me. It makes it about impossible for us to be intimate without me thinking "did he touch her like this?" I hate the mental images, and the knot in the pit of my stomach.

[Darth Vader]

Originally Posted by Blindsidedagainalive

I have other threads about my stuggle with being the BS.

Last year my 'better half' had an affair which lasted 5 months (supposedly). I found out in Oct 07.
We fought a lot since then, and I have turned into an angry man.

We did talk about the affair, but did not discuss any of the sexual aspect of it...... Just where and how often.

Does anybody obsess about it everyday, for many hours?
I can get over the Emotional aspect, but the Physical aspect is such a killer for me. Can anyone relate??? Does it ever stop????How do I get over it???

For some reason, imagining the OM performing oral sex on her just devastates me more so than regular sex(actually, I don't know if this happened, I just assume it).

Should we talk about the sex in the affair?
Does it hurt or help?

Um, how is she your better half? She's not the better half, You are! She's the one who cheated, not you, see?

Why havn't you talked about the sex? She may not want to talk about it, because she knows if it was better sex or not.

[american-woman]

Originally Posted by Blindsidedagainalive

I have other threads about my stuggle with being the BS.

Last year my 'better half' had an affair which lasted 5 months (supposedly). I found out in Oct 07.
We fought a lot since then, and I have turned into an angry man.

We did talk about the affair, but did not discuss any of the sexual aspect of it...... Just where and how often.

Does anybody obsess about it everyday, for many hours?
I can get over the Emotional aspect, but the Physical aspect is such a killer for me. Can anyone relate??? Does it ever stop????How do I get over it???

For some reason, imagining the OM performing oral sex on her just devastates me more so than regular sex(actually, I don't know if this happened, I just assume it).

Should we talk about the sex in the affair?
Does it hurt or help?

Till you get every piece of the puzzle to your wifes affair you will continue this. This may last for years to come but it will get better.
Ask yourself this...Are you ready to know every detail of the affair?

You will have good days and bad days but your wife should be understanding and help you through this time and be completely open with you. Anything may trigger a bad thought. MC also helps if you can afford it even if it is just for yourself.

Keep your health up, eat right excersize. Try and I know its very difficult to replace bad thoughts with good thoughts. When I had bad thoughts I would tell my WH , Im having a bad day he would do anything he could to remove them. Try and make new memories the both of you. Soon you will see in time it DOES get better.

[Darth Vader]

That's the thing, no one really is ever ready to know all the details, perhaps delaying the inevidable is just delaying the healing process, however, also knowing could be the demise of the marriage, not like that it isn't dead or dying already.........