Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
When I first met my girlfriend I thought that she was so cute and pretty at the same time. I knew she had a couple of boyfriends but I did not think anything serious. After we started going out I found out that she had had 3 long term boyfriends (approx 9 mos each) and one 3 year boyfriend. I also found out she had done stuff like fingering, lingerie, and oral once with him even though she thought of him more as her best friend than boyfriend. My problem is 1) what to do about the images that she has been in lingerie, or been topless with another guy and the other things listed before 2) what to do about the fact that she has had so many memories with so many different guys because her relationships are long. She has been to their houses and met their parents! How to forget about this?
It doesn't sound like she lied to you so... let me get this straight. You're upset because you're not the first? Umm, I think you better get used to that. I don't see why you have any reason to worry. If you like her, stay with her.
1) what to do about the images 2) what to do about the fact that she has had so many memories
1. There is only one effective and permanent thing to do: MANAGE your own mental pictures and thoughts. Every single time you become aware of thinking or visualizing something that you do not want, consciously change it to something more pleasant. With time and practice you CAN become master of your own mind.
2. There is NOTHING that you can do to manage other people's minds, or alter their prior experiences or memories of those experiences.
Just accept the past, and allow it to stay in the past. If you bring it up or allow it to bug you anymore, you are (both) gonna be missing out on the current good times, PLUS...you won't be giving her anything to have future happy memories about you, PLUS...you will only be helping her to remember whatever good stuff happened in her past.
Best to just stay cool, calm and relaxed...the longer you two are together, the more and more happy memories she will have of being with you.
OTOH, if you don't want to bother learning self-management and/or you aren't willing to work to get over HER past(?), then do the stand-up thing and let her go. (She doesn't need you judging her past at all, let alone by your standards. You do have the 'right' to judge her any way you want but, by exercising your right to judge, you forfeit any rights to all her good stuff. Can't expect to have it both ways.)
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
You have to focus on who they are when they are with you, because it will be a unique experience, despite whatever she did in the past.
It can be hard sometimes to cope with your significant other having a LOT of experience.. "been around the block" so to speak, but it's a part of dating and learning about yourself.
One of my exes, when I was about 24 or so told me how she tried double penetration once. Now this was a lot for me to digest at the time. I think I was in your shoes.. trying to deal with images in my mind about what she described in her past..
BUT.. it's the past. It has no bearing whatsoever on the present and your current relationship. Our sexual experiences kinda make us who we are today, but it doesn't mean that those experiences are what we want, or what we expect from the other person.
You have to learn how to love one another as two individual human beings.. and each time you love someone it will be a whole unique experience from anything else. You may have "done stuff" before, but not with that person. You'll find your own things that each other like.. and it's only between you and your significant other.
If your girlfriend is totally into you, she is thinking about YOU and not some other man from her past. That's ancient history. You'll just have to trust me on that one.
As time passes, you'll learn to appreciate a gal with a little experience. It's a lot better usually... and you may be surprised how that can benefit you
Just my two cents.
__________________ "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
Yeah I was a virgin and after about 2 months into the relationship we both lost ours. The hardest problem for me is knowing that when I kiss her another **** has been in her mouth! I know I am unrealistic but I just feel she is so easy and has done almost every activity possible in a relationship because she has had 5 long term relationships.
Relax. Like I said, if she's into you, you are the center of her world now, and whatever she did in the past is irrelevant.
My ex landed this one on me when I was struggling with the same thing you are. "If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question."
This happened when we were at a restaurant and she recognized the host. They had their hellos and "nice to see ya again" and all that, and I made the HUGE mistake of asking if they had ever slept together. Her answer without even batting an eye was "yes".
I've learned the hard way to just let the past stay where it belongs. Don't fret over something you can never change. Enjoy your time with your girlfriend IN THE PRESENT. It really is much more fun that way
Thanks You guys for all the replies and analogies it really helped! I guess girls these days are just not clean for the most part, you just gotta lower your expectations lol. Want to hear something funny? I dont know how many others have this problem but lately I have looking at almost all girls and imagining them sucking a d*** or f******! This is because I just assume all "hot" or really pretty girls have been touched in some way maybe not f****** lol. right?
Thanks You guys for all the replies and analogies it really helped! I guess girls these days are just not clean for the most part, you just gotta lower your expectations lol. Want to hear something funny? I dont know how many others have this problem but lately I have looking at almost all girls and imagining them sucking a d*** or f******! This is because I just assume all "hot" or really pretty girls have been touched in some way maybe not f****** lol. right?
Yeah, it's a crazy messed up world, in which most women have touched a penis.
Are you serious? How old are you? Welcome to life dude.
Yeah I was a virgin and after about 2 months into the relationship we both lost ours. The hardest problem for me is knowing that when I kiss her another **** has been in her mouth! I know I am unrealistic but I just feel she is so easy and has done almost every activity possible in a relationship because she has had 5 long term relationships.
If she lost her viriginity with you, no she hadn't done every activity possible. There's so much more to sex than what either of you have experienced!! You have a wonderful opportunity to really explore her, her body, your body, and intimacy. But no. Instead, you are wasting your time obsessing over who has kissed her before.
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I just feel she is so easy
That's a stank attitude. If you really feel that way about her, then you have no business dating her. Too bad she lost her virginity to a guy who looks down on her.
Thanks You guys for all the replies and analogies it really helped! I guess girls these days are just not clean for the most part, you just gotta lower your expectations lol.
OMG.
If it weren't for all the wonderful girls willing to have sex, then who would you guys be having sex with?
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