2 weeks NC and I get a message from her this morning
So its been exactly 2 weeks of NC since my ex told me she had no more feelings for me. Then this morning i get a text that says:
"Hey how's it going? Is everything ok w/ your grandparents? I like talking to you but i want you to be completely over me before we start talking again. Is that ok? Even if you're not over me, you better say hi to me in public!"
Not knowing what to do and because i was in a hurry this morning, i messaged her back saying that they're ok and that there are still a lot of things i want to get off my chest.
A few messages later, we're now having lunch together this Saturday before she has volunteer . She says she wants to update me about her life, which I'm assuming is just going to be her telling me about her new boy friend.
She also mentioned having a dream about my wallet, i don't know what this crap means but hopefully something meaningful.
I don't know what i should do this Saturday. She keeps on insisting on me telling her whats on my mind. I really wanna just pour all my feelings out to her and hopefully she will reconsider, but a part of me thinks this is what she wants me to do just so she can some sort of sick satisfaction out of it. I'm also considering just calling the whole lunch thing off. What should i do?
call it off. go no contact. and take as much time as you need to move forward. spending time with her will only delay your healing. take care of yourself first and definitely don't let her update you about her new boyfriend. your stability and mental sanity are infinitely more important than whatever satisfaction she derives from still having you around. you come first, period.
She seems very selfish and definitely wants some sort of ego-boosting satisfaction off your meeting. You cannot handle whatever she has to say to you, because you are not over her.
Stay in control. She said she had no feelings but now she wants to use you to feel better. **** that. Nothing she can say at this point will make you feel better. And everything she can see while make you doubt her intentions/honesty.
She isn't interested in you getting something off your chest. She is interested in getting something off of hers - no doubt some information that will do you no real good to know.
You can go, but don't count on her reconsidering. If she were going to do that, it would be a setting more than 'lunch' squeezed in before another commitment.
Pour out your heart if it will help, but do it only to get it out - not because you think it will get her back. Consider it like lancing an incredibly painful and nasty boil - one that will hurt far worse before it starts to heal.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
Selfish selfish selfish, she wants to fill you in on what's going on in her life!!!!! WTF!!! She told you she had no more feeling's for you, and now she want's you to be her best friend? **** THAT!!! Go NC with this chick as soon as right now dude!! Why should you care what is going on in her life!!!
"Hey how's it going? Is everything ok w/ your grandparents? I like talking to you but i want you to be completely over me before we start talking again. Is that ok? Even if you're not over me, you better say hi to me in public!"
What part of her above comments, leads you to believe she's thinking about your feelings in the least? Brutal. It's all about her feelings, wants and needs.
Remain NC until you can view her dispassionately. At that point in time, you can decide if being friends with her is worthwhile.
So its been exactly 2 weeks of NC since my ex told me she had no more feelings for me. Then this morning i get a text that says:
"Hey how's it going? Is everything ok w/ your grandparents? I like talking to you but i want you to be completely over me before we start talking again. Is that ok? Even if you're not over me, you better say hi to me in public!"
Not knowing what to do and because i was in a hurry this morning, i messaged her back saying that they're ok and that there are still a lot of things i want to get off my chest.
A few messages later, we're now having lunch together this Saturday before she has volunteer . She says she wants to update me about her life, which I'm assuming is just going to be her telling me about her new boy friend.
She also mentioned having a dream about my wallet, i don't know what this crap means but hopefully something meaningful.
I don't know what i should do this Saturday. She keeps on insisting on me telling her whats on my mind. I really wanna just pour all my feelings out to her and hopefully she will reconsider, but a part of me thinks this is what she wants me to do just so she can some sort of sick satisfaction out of it. I'm also considering just calling the whole lunch thing off. What should i do?
You need to make sure you're getting out and doing stuff.
Theres an old saying "A hungry dog doesn't get fed". If she sees you as desperate, she is not going to want you back. She needs to know that you could care less if you get back together with her.
It sounds like the opposite of what would really make sense but the human mind is a complex thing. People want what they cant have, and its always harder to get something that you don't have already.
Examples:
Credit
Friends
and the list goes on and on.
Then you can tel her of all the exciting things happening in your life and how well you're doing.
Sorry I wish I had more time to write this post but I have to go.
"Hey how's it going? Is everything ok w/ your grandparents? I like talking to you but i want you to be completely over me before we start talking again. Is that ok? Even if you're not over me, you better say hi to me in public!"
Is she in high school? Tell me she is, please. Of all the things I don't like, it's people who are overtly seeking validation from external sources. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that I don't seek validation, but at least she should keep it to herself.
Perhaps she's right - but her stupid message makes her look totally crude. She's not being thoughtful. This is callous! I hope you don't like pain for lunch. It's Saturday right now at the West Coast of the U.S. Did you call it off?
__________________
The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. - Prof. Elie Wiesel
"With every goodbye you learn" - Veronica Shoffstall
Be still, and know that I am God. - Psalm 46:10 "No! You're doing it wrong!"
well, i didnt have any internet for the past 2 days because i just moved into a new house. so i didnt get to read all of your replies in time (thanks anyways).
so i did what my heart said and i ended up having lunch with the ex, and now im more confused than ever....
well, i didnt have any internet for the past 2 days because i just moved into a new house. so i didnt get to read all of your replies in time (thanks anyways).
so i did what my heart said and i ended up having lunch with the ex, and now im more confused than ever....
details are in a new thread
Ah.
Such is life. You listened to your heart. If you didn't, then you'd post a different dilemma... perhaps something along the lines of "I should've met up with her." That's good (maybe?) that you met with her.
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2 weeks NC and I get a message from her this morning
I have since learned the error of my ways.
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