[ggus]

Hi all,

I have a question. I met my Girl friend when were teenagers in church through an uncle of mine. We never dated just friends and we did not go to the same high school. After High school I joined the military and left for 6 years. after getting out of the military I returned home and and found civilian work in silicon valley. A year passes by and we meet again by accident on My space. She was living in Virginia with her child of 5 years old. we chatted for about 2 months and started calling each other. then she tells me that she wants to meet me and she is going to fly to California to visit her mom. So I thought great! I will finally be able to meet her. the day came and I went to her moms house to pick her up and well for me it was love at first sight. We had a great evening and a amazing week! she flew back home to Virginia, after more chatting and talking. Well I find out that will be getting redeployed with the national guard to the middle east for 8 months. I call her and tell her and that I need to see her before I leave. She agrees and I fly her back out to California and we had an Amazing time together, I was completely in love! I tell her how I feel about her and she responds with I love you too! great! I leave for 8 months and we are in complete contact during the time and if it wasn't for her those months would of been hell, but she made these 8 months feel like 1 month. I return home and she is there waiting for me. we have a weekend together before she returns home to Virginia. While we are together for this short time she tells me that she is going to move back to California. after two weeks I cant stand being away from her any more and I already made the decision while I was in the middle east that I am going to propose to her and was looking for a ring. I call her and I tell her that I need her and I want to fly her out for a weekend together. she agrees and I take her to Monterey on the beach. We had a beautiful weekend together and after wards she returns home. A week later she calls me and tell me that she doesn't like me any more and she doesn't want to see me any more!!!! I had no idea what was going on! and was heart broken. after a week of this I think i figured out what happened. I believe she was expecting me to propose, especialy since I took her to Monterey. I was not planning to propose until she returns home.
Can some one please shed some light on this? Am I right? Well since then I still love her and I already bought a ring. she still calls me to ask about me day and she still texts me and sends me emails. but we do not talk like we use to which is killing me! I talked to her brother and explained to him what I think happened and that I still plan to propose to her. He gave me the green light and agreed about what happened to her.
if she really did not want me anymore she would not even be calling me, right? is she just upset and waiting to see what i do? as of now I am waiting for her to move back home this month and I will pick an evening and surprise her at her moms house and propose.
Some one please shed some light on this? any women here, what do you think you would of done?

thanks in advance
Gus

[Stung]

i couldn't possibly shed any real light on her motivations here because it's so outside the realm of anything i would do. i can certainly see why you are confused.

a few things to consider:

how close is she to her brother? i mean, would he actually know what is going on in her head, or is he just guessing, like you? if they're pretty close and he has already told you that your version of what happened is correct, then i guess that's probably right. but if he's just guessing, who knows?

also, are you sure you would want to propose to a woman who would jerk you around this way? i can understand her being hurt if she expected a proposal and none was forthcoming; i can even understand her choosing to end the relationship if she felt like it wasn't going to meet her needs. i was pondering similar things myself not too long ago. but here's the difference: I TALKED TO MY MAN ABOUT IT. i let him know what i needed/expected, and how i wanted us to grow together as a family, and offered to give him more time to think about what he really wanted -- time that he did not end up needing or wanting, btw. i didn't just dump him out of the blue and mess with his head. that seems really manipulative and/or petulant to me, and would be a big red flag about her emotional maturity. how old is this chick?

anyway, the long and short of it is, you guys need to work on your communication, like, seriously. marriage can be a wonderful working partnership, but it is DOOMED without good communication, and you guys don't sound like you're doing too well on that front. if you decide to propose to her after all and she says yes, you need to ask her to explain to you wth she was thinking, and you need to explain to her that you had already been planning to propose and that you went through unnecessary pain that could have damaged your trust in her. and you should probably both strongly consider premarital counseling.

good luck.