[Sbrizio]

Hi, i've been reading this forum for some days and found it quite helpful, so here's my story. I especially care to have some feedback from Asriella.. as i liked some of her replies.

She's a coworker, and we met october last year. We started to sympathize, we went out several times, we found to have a lot of common interests and we were enjoying to spend some time together (at the pool, doing bike or roller, and talking a lot). She has quite a strong personality, she's independent since youthness, and she had a lot of experiences (generally speaking and in terms of men) but she also told me she fell in love just once in her life. She also prefers to make friends amongst guys (as she is tough, she behave like a guy in most cases).She has a strong sex appeal, which combined with her dishinibition makes all guys around her generally flirting with her.


In such a context, one night in November, (we were good friends, but i was already actracted by her) we went out for a party, we got a little bit drunk (both of us can stand well alchool and we went on mixing and drinking together), and going out, she kissed me - quite passionately. Then she left for 1 week for a training, then we met again and still 1 week passed without anyone of us doing nothing. I was not reacting thinking that probably she was just drunk when she kissed me.
End of november, after a good moment we spent together, she sent me an email telling "we've never spoke again of it..."... long story short, we went out again and we ended up on the road(after some wine) kissing again with a lot of passion. That night we talked about being BF/GF, and she told me even "i want to make love with you"..but for a series of causes, nothing happened.

Then, in december, i started to fall seriously in love with her..and this was clear from my behavior..and at the same time, she stepped back, telling me that she wasn't sure. She left for a trip and i saw her back at the end of january. I was sad/hangry toward her, and she was friendly, and i treated her with a mix of coldness and friendship.

In February, she got a BF, what she told me, she also told me that she was concerned by my attitude, because she would have liked, in the future, to go out with him and the friends, including me. I told her that i had no pleasure to meet him. All this period, up to May, i was switching constantly between being alternatively friendly/supportive and cold/distant, with her being aggressively friendly, until, in April, i was almost ignoring her. One day she called me asking to talk, so we met at her's, she asked what i had, and i told her that i was in love with her, that's why i didn't know how to manage our relationship, as being close meant me being hurt (also because of her being talkative about ALL) plus the situation (common friends, same workplace, same transports) who was contantly putting us one near the other.She told me that she was missing talking with me, and at the end we said goodbye without neither break nor reconciliate.


More months have passed, and the situation is quite similar. She is with her BF, which i know she's not completely good with (and she's not "in love"), but she is. She seeks me, she waits for me, and she takes whatever chance to spend some time with me, almost every day. She keep suggesting things we might do together without explicitly inviting me (does she want me to invite her? maybe in order not to feel guilty?) She knows what i feel.
On my side although i can now control better my feelings and my behavior, and i'm able to seems cool with her, i feel i am completely in love.

At a moment, when we lately talked about the situation, she told me that she couldn't see her having sex with me. The day later, she told me that she had problem sleeping afterwards, that i'm showing her bad sides of her person, and that she's not ready to talk to me about it.

It happens that we go out together, and we switch between being well and having a quite a good time to moments of silence, with her asking me if everything's allright. Because, not everything's allright. .

Now, both for her holidays and mines, we'll be far 3 weeks. I am considering the options i have, cause the distance allows me to think more clearly...i have deep feelings for her, and she also actracts me sexually as hell. I am sure i can't be friend with her at this moment without suffering or without having her memory constantly in my mind, making impossible to feel attracted by other girls.


My option nr.1 is to be just a colleague and getting involved in a lot of distractions, getting away from her on all other moments of the day. That would be quite an effort anyway, as i will have to push against my will and her 1000 ways to enter in my spaces.

And i don't really know if this would be enough or i would need to get away totally from her (changing my job?).

And, for sure, she will make her best to pull me toward her (deeply in the friendzone?) because she's done this several times already.

But i still have a question in the deep of my mind, which is if i ever would be able to switch (back?) her heart to me.
Maybe you can help me in understanding this.

Thanks

[imagine]

So she likes to play the field, keep her options open and make out like she's a good guy.
She sounds a possibly little immature with an underdeveloped loyalty muscle. I suspect that were you to start ignoring her, her esteem would take a knock and she might start friendly overtures again.

Don't play, she has control over you. You need to get a grip if you are going succeed in future relationships. These are games that people do play. Know the game!

[Sbrizio]

Well even if i don't play, i think i'll have to ignore her or, at least, treat her much as a coworker than a friend.. her friendship is stripping me of any hope of ever get fancy for another girl.. Just some memories of things she said me, today, can keep me awake at night . But the point is, where's the difference between playing the game and just getting away? It is better (or fair) to be sincere and say "i need to get away from you", or just doing it?

[Yamaha]

I think she likes you as a person but when you came on strong you scared her off because she is not ready for the kind of relationship she sees you wanting. You need to be casual with her and let her see you dating other women. Let her know she is not the center of your world and you are going on with your life.

Right now you have 0 chance with her. She has you in the friend zone and you may stay there for good. You need to move on and if she changes her mind about you she will let you know.

[waleen]

I can't stop

the way I feel

Things you do

don't seem real

Tell you what I got in mind

'cause we're runnin' out of time

Won't you ever set me free?

This waitin' 'rounds killin' me

She drives me crazy

like no one else

She drives me crazy

and I can't help myself

I can't get

any rest

People say

I'm obsessed

Everything that's serious lasts

But to me there's no surprise

What I have, I knew was true

Things go wrong, they always do

She drives me crazy

Like no one else

She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself

I won't make it,

On my own

No on likes,

To be alone

She drives me crazy

Like no one else

She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself

Uh huh huh

She drives me crazy

Like no one else

She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself

Uh huh huh

She drives me crazy

Like no one else

She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself

[Sbrizio]

so, here's how things are now..after the holidays we found us back, and i kept a LC attitude all the week long..but then on Thursday aft i asked her if she was up for a coffee after work so we met..we talked about our vacations (we both travelled in other countries) and it was really good..at the end i told her that it was good to me to have spoken a bit, even though i couldn't say "ok, we're friends"..then we talked about our "situation", i told her that i was learning a lot about myself from this, and she told me: "as of me, i feel like since 6 months my brain is turned off" - 6 month is the period she's been staying with her bf.
Now, i know how much she cares for self development and intellectual growth, and i know that she consider me as on of the persons who mentally stimulate her..but how should i intepret these words? It could just be a message:
"i would like to see you more - but i'm not going to leave my bf"
or
"i'm getting tired of my bf - i would like to hang out more with you"

To be honest i'm lost about my options..from one side it would seem stupid what i already did (breaking LC) because i can see that this has fed some "hopes" to me...from the other side, is she offering me something i can play with in order to try to get her back?


I was thinking about seeing other girls (what i should in any case do) and doing with them what she would like to do with me (like concerts, opera, etc)..maybe this will push her toward me..maybe no, but i will still be seeing other girls.

I would like to have your advice..thanks!