I am curious as to why some people feel that not having sex is the worst thing in the world.
I think other things in relationships are far more important. Plus, in most of our relationships we don't have sex with the people involved. We aren't born having sex. So its not the biggest need that we have. Its more like a want to me.
I'm not saying sex isn't an important and very desireable part of an intimate relationship, at all. But, sex isn't always possible. And we can survive without it.
What am I missing?
__________________ Don't flag me, 'cause I'm honest...
Passion, that's what you're missing. Without passion, we live our lives on mute.
Explain please.
I am not clear on what you mean.
PS - don't forget you are posting to a woman that just had a baby and hasn't had sex in AWHILE! But I also don't feel like its the worst thing that could happen to me and my H.
You may just be missing the true in depth pleasure from it.IMO.
__________________ Wise men profit more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise.Cato the Elder
I like sex. I am suffering from low libido though. Just had a baby. Normal thing. My drive will return. So that's not the issue.
I am asking about people who act like not having sex is akin to starving to death. People that will break up a relationship because their partner can't have sex for a season, or forever. People that just seem to only equate a relationship to having sex with the partner and not the friendship and companionship part.
Well, now I fully understand you. I never understand that logic from people either. It's like basically, their relationship is build on sex, unlike the foundation of the person as an individual. I guess they are just sex addicts.
Sex is VERY important to me. My BF and I split two weeks ago, and I am climbing the walls. When I am in a relationship, sex is a integral part of the dynamic. It becomes like a basic need. Like food. Shelter. That kind of thing.
Remember, we have sex for pleasure, not just for procreation, like the bulk of the animal kingdom. It's important we indulge that evolutional gift.
PS - don't forget you are posting to a woman that just had a baby and hasn't had sex in AWHILE! But I also don't feel like its the worst thing that could happen to me and my H.
Not having it for temporary reasons isn't the same thing as not having it much or at all.
Passion adds color and depth and texture and pleasure to our lives. Without it, a relationship is really only a friendship and companionship. If that's all both people want out of a relationship, there are no worries. But that causes problems if one does want passion and the other does not care.
Will we die without passion in our lives? No. But we will wilt a little. It's like choosing to live inside when there's a big, beautiful world right outside the door within reach. You can do it, but why would you choose to? Another analogy...diet chocolate. Sure, but why would you choose that when there's a rich, sensual taste experience that can't be matched by diet anything.
I like sex. I am suffering from low libido though. Just had a baby. Normal thing. My drive will return. So that's not the issue.
I am asking about people who act like not having sex is akin to starving to death. People that will break up a relationship because their partner can't have sex for a season, or forever. People that just seem to only equate a relationship to having sex with the partner and not the friendship and companionship part.
Is that better?
Some people are horny and have a high sex drive... Sex is extremely important , and depending on your drive will depend how much it drives you if you know what I mean.... I know... get a vibrator... but there is also intimacy, passion etc... If you really really love someone everything including sex...can sometimes be sacrificed for that person...
I not only wouldn't stay with someone who couldn't have sex, I also wouldn't stay with someone where the sex just wasn't that good for any number of reasons...
call me shallow but good sex is extremely important to me...
Sex is VERY important to me. My BF and I split two weeks ago, and I am climbing the walls. When I am in a relationship, sex is a integral part of the dynamic. It becomes like a basic need. Like food. Shelter. That kind of thing.
Remember, we have sex for pleasure, not just for procreation, like the bulk of the animal kingdom. It's important we indulge that evolutional gift.
It was in reading your rant and hearing from other friends that have recently went through break ups that made me ask the question. I hope I haven't offended you with that admission.
It just sounds like you (general, you) aren't thinking about the relationship anymore when the thing that is complained about is "I'm going to miss the sex" more than anything else.
Is it that you have already written off the person and are only focusing on one of the more pleasurable parts of the relationship?
Being honest, I'm probably guilty of this as well. I have an ex that is an absolute ass, but the sex was awe-inspiring (most of the time). I wrote him off a long time ago, but the sex.....I wouldn't get back with him even just for that though. He was no companion, so that's why I can talk about the sex and not about the relationship. The relationship was sh!!t.
But that causes problems if one does want passion and the other does not care.
Exactly. I think two people who don't really care about sex can have a perfectly good marriage. But if one wants it and the other doesn't, then you've got a problem.
Many men (and women too) equate sex with feeling needed and desired. And if they don't get that, it feels like a form of rejection to them.
People want and need what they want/need. There's no right or wrong here.
You say we can "survive" with out. Yes, but do you want to merely survive..or do you want to really live? There's a difference.
__________________ We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
~ Walter Anderson
Not having it for temporary reasons isn't the same thing as not having it much or at all.
Passion adds color and depth and texture and pleasure to our lives. Without it, a relationship is really only a friendship and companionship. If that's all both people want out of a relationship, there are no worries. But that causes problems if one does want passion and the other does not care.
Will we die without passion in our lives? No. But we will wilt a little. It's like choosing to live inside when there's a big, beautiful world right outside the door within reach. You can do it, but why would you choose to? Another analogy...diet chocolate. Sure, but why would you choose that when there's a rich, sensual taste experience that can't be matched by diet anything.
Thanks for the clarification, NJ. For some reason, I am not understanding your posts. Maybe its because I don't feel it answers the question I intended to ask. Maybe its because it may be reverberating with me and I don't want to address it.
I am just not able to connect with this answer much either.
But I do think that you aren't only mentioning passion in a sexual way. And I CAN relate to it in a non-sexual way.
Diet chocolate. Yuck! They actually make that? What a waste of nutrasweet!!! LOL.
Many men (and women too) equate sex with feeling needed and desired. And if they don't get that, it feels like a form of rejection to them.
People want and need what they want/need. There's no right or wrong here.
NOW we are getting somewhere.
Could it be that once a relationship is ending the lack of being wanted by someone is what I am responding to when the sex is all it seems that they remember?
Interesting thought. I can certainly relate to that.
Could it be that once a relationship is ending the lack of being wanted by someone is what I am responding to when the sex is all it seems that they remember?
Interesting thought. I can certainly relate to that.
I'm not sure I understand your question. Can you clarify, please?
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