OK, hear me out. I'm Japanese-American. Both of my parents are Japanese, but I was born and raised in California. By most accounts, I am culturally American. I even have an embarrassing valley girl accent.
I feel like being an Asian woman is a disadvantage in the dating world. Though I KNOW there are MANY men who love Asian women, they aren't usually the guys I tend to like. For example, for most of my boyfriends, I have been the first Asian girl they've ever dated.
I'm not submissive, coy or very feminine. Sure, I wear dresses, but my humor tends to veer on the side of Sarah Silverman and I like fart jokes. I can be vaguely described as educated, creative, artsy, and relatively good-looking. I've been told I have great style. I like indie rock. Yet, all the men who approach me are old, sleazy and scary. I'm on an online dating site, and most of the men who write me are 40+ (that's not old, but a little older than I'm looking for right now).
I think I've been in denial for the past 30 years that being an Asian women is a "type." Just like some guys like tall, blonde, blue-eyed women, certain men will inevitably be attracted to me just because of the way I look.
Any other Asian women on this board who share my frustrations?!
lol. i dont know what your type is.. but white men love you.. i think its asian men here in the states who are at a disadvantange. so it shouldnt be that difficult finding potential dates. cant you restrict the age range of ppl who contact you
I'm asian-american too. Do you more prefer or more phisically attracted to white guys in general? Because I think you should also consider asian or asian-american guys.
It just sounds like you are being stereotyped. Part of the reason why Americans like Asian women is, as you already described, submissive, coy, very feminine. But you aren't so I guess some guys are caught off guard in a sense. It can be frustrating I imagine with weird people approaching you often, but you still have the advantage since being Asian is an attractive trait that American guys are looking for.
I'm an Asian American guy, so I'm the total opposite. My Caucasian friends complain about the type of Asian girls they meet, but sometimes I want to whack their head for being a bit too picky and selective with their choices of women.
Similarly, they also have an advantage since Asian girls tend to look for American guys in my area, so all I'd say to you is to make use of your qualities because it's a luxury that other people (such as myself) do not have.
Being an asian guy that's dated asian women and having had asian female friends, I've never heard once about your situation. But then they are entirely in a different age group setting than you might be, they're in their mid 20's.
Is it possible the way you dress or behave that might convince these men to believe they have a chance with you?
Pandagirl, I don't think it's a disadvantage to being an Asian woman in North America in this day and age. Yes, there are some stereotypes that are not accurate, but that exists with anyone. Your race, age, hobbies, profession, hair colour, or just about anything else about you has some stereotype attached to it. It's something we all have to live with.
Fortunately, one of the stereotypes does hold true: many white guys do like Asian women. Although you'll have more people gambling that the other stereotypes are true, at least you've got a larger pool to choose from!
If you think the stereotypes you deal with are bad, imagine how hard it was for your predecessors here in the '40s.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wierdmunky
Yeah I just think guys stereotype asian girls.
Hopefully you're wrong and I'm not in the minority. I have no shame in saying that I'm a Whitey who finds Asian girls attractive. However, I've found that the ones I'm attracted to aren't the stereotypical submissive, make-my-dinner and giggle-at-everything types. The ones I've been drawn to are the girls who proudly admit to having either Airplane! or Animal House in their DVD collection (bonus points for both), who say "hey, who's up for a round of tequila shots?" and who aren't the least bit hesitant about voicing their opinion.
Whether it's adaptation to living in North America or what, I don't know, but most Asian girls I know (even the ones who I'm not attracted to) are more typically Western than Asian. Asian looks, Western attitude...does it get any better*?
*Okay, it could get better if you'd teach us the secret to using chopsticks at dim sum so that we don't look like complete idiots. I have yet to give in and use a fork, but the temptation's there! ...yeah, yeah. I know dim sum is Chinese, not Japanese, but the topic is about Asians in general, so !
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I don't think it is your race at all. There are a lot of attractive, educated, successful women that have the same troubles with dating. It is because men can't handle successful women.
I'm on an online dating site, and most of the men who write me are 40+ (that's not old, but a little older than I'm looking for right now).
Most of the responses I get are from 40+ as well and I am white, strawberry blond with blue eyes. Maybe it's not being as Asian?
Plus you sound very unique and a great catch, so I don't think you can really put yourself in a box/category anyway. You just haven't met someone who will appreciate you for you.
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I don't think it is your race at all. There are a lot of attractive, educated, successful women that have the same troubles with dating. It is because men can't handle successful women.
I don't think men have a problem with successful women. What i think they have a problem with is that the woman doesn't turn that agressive work style off when she's with a man on a personal, romantic level. Most men want a feminine woman, not someone who reminds him of his male co-worker.
No its not a disadvatange just think of your race as being a accent to ur charming characteristics and remeber if ur personality shines through a non shallow person wouldnt even care
I seem to send out a lot of confusing vibes, too. I'm half Italian, half French (American) but Hispanic men often ask me if I'm Hispanic. I don't know why because I have brown hair, light eyes and white skin. I have seen Spanish women that I resemble, but not Hispanic. I'm rarely attracted to Hispanic men. Black men are nuts about me for some reason. I have nothing against black men, either, but I'm just not attracted to most of them. If I were, I'd have my pick. Oh, well.
Based on the way you describe yourself, I think it would help you to understand that if you're a strong woman and have unique qualities, it's going to take a man who's even stronger than you, with his own set of unique qualities, in order to make you happy. Not so that he can overshadow you but so that you feel secure that you can depend on him, and not the other way around (i.e., you won't have to coddle or take care of him like you do with the drama kings, energy vampires, etc.).
Otherwise, you're going to find yourself with men weaker than you who want you around for your strength. And while they like your strength, at the same time, they will be intimiated by it and will feel the need to pull you down every now and then. You'll eventually buck this type of relationship and both of you will end up disappointing one another.
Sometimes just knowing what works for you, and what doesn't, is a step in the right direction.
Well Pandagirl do you think it is a disadvantage being an Asian man in North America? Do you date them? There are tons of goodlooking Asian men in California and gorgeous Asian women also so I don't see how either would be at a disadvantage to date.
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