So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. Our relationship is pretty strong and only recently have we had an actual fight. Which we obviously got over and i thought got better from. Up until tonight. He was going to some party that i didn't want to goto, so i decided to just have a girls night and was perfectly fine going there. So we were texting back and forth before he went to the party and all of a sudden he was like i dont want to be together anymore. And then his reason is because i dont want to do the same things he does. I immediatley had my girlfriends drop me off back home so i could hopfully meet up with him and talk. But no, hes still going to this party not even giving me a chance to speak to him. He promised he wouldn't hook up with anyone else tonight and that we could meet up around 1 when he left to talk, or he would come over before he works tonight. Im so upset right now im shaking. Im so scared to loose him i've become so attached to him.. someone help =/
__________________ "i'd always hoped for a better, thought maybe together you and me could find it"
First off, he did this all throug texts right? That's pretty imature and disrespectful. Anyone who isn't willing to tell you whats wrong or what they want to your face obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Sure, maybe he was scared but is this the kind of behavior you want from someone you want to be with? Go ahead and talk to him and see what he has to say...good luck!
So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. Our relationship is pretty strong and only recently have we had an actual fight. Which we obviously got over and i thought got better from. Up until tonight.
What exactly was the fight about? This would help to know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie11
He was going to some party that i didn't want to goto, so i decided to just have a girls night and was perfectly fine going there. So we were texting back and forth before he went to the party and all of a sudden he was like i dont want to be together anymore. And then his reason is because i dont want to do the same things he does.
It's been a year maybe he feels like you've been drifting apart, how much time have you been spending together?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie11
I immediatley had my girlfriends drop me off back home so i could hopfully meet up with him and talk. But no, hes still going to this party not even giving me a chance to speak to him.
If this is out of the blue to you (his behaviour) then something is definately up- especially dropping you like that after a year...hmmm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie11
He promised he wouldn't hook up with anyone else tonight and that we could meet up around 1 when he left to talk, or he would come over before he works tonight. Im so upset right now im shaking. Im so scared to loose him i've become so attached to him.. someone help =/
I'm sorry you have to go through this- talking to him will definately help and clear out things. Make sure you know what you want to know and ask him questions so you get everything out of your system.
Goodluck to ya and keep us posted!
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
The fight we had about 2 months ago was because we were planning on me moving in with him because my family is moving to another state. But he then said he didn't want me to move in because he thought it would ruin are relationship and we are very young. (18) I first got really defensive about it and started fighting with him but then i realized we are too young and i completely agreed with him and we decided i would go live with my father who is only about 20 minutes away from him. After that argument we were fine up until a few days ago when he started not sleeping in his bed with me. We have been spending an awful lot of time together and i think that may be the problem. So today i was talking with my girlfriend and was telling her i was planning on giving him his space and that he was going to this party tonight on his own. And then a few hours that is when the break up happened. I just cant believe he did it through a text message. I put so much into our relationship and deserve a little more than that. Thanks for all the replies you guys are keeping my mind focused until i see him..
Well how I see it: at 18ish that's when me and my husband moved in together-he even moved from a different state to live with me (I used to live in Florida)! So I don't know if your boyfriend is more focused on his options still being open-- not saying that he's single just that he doesn't want a live-in girlfriend..too many responsabilities.
Plus you are young and this is really tough to go through, especially after that long. Thank heavens you don't have children to worry about. I think maybe after his wierd behaviour you definately need an explanation and hun if he does this now, he'll do it later--- either that or it'll take a HELL of a long time for him to change and that is much more painfull than letting go.
He is sopose to leave this party in about an hour. He hasn't texted me since he go there.. Im really going crazy.. i don't know what to even say to him to make him stay with me..
jackie, nothing you can say – or do – can make someone stay when they don't want to be there in the first place. I'm not trying to be hurtful, just sharing a bit of truth with you. And I think that by not sleeping with you, he took those first steps of separating himself from you. Breaking up via text message just brings it home, because he prolly figures that by distancing himself, he can get this overwith in a less messy manner.
at which point, I will say this: If he doesn't have enough respect for you to tell you face to face that it's over, do your really want to invest your life (or even a part of it) with someone who cares so little about doing right by you?
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
Girl, you should never have to say something to "make" someone stay. I do know how you feel though and it is tough. You need to just be honest with him and tell him how you feel but please, please, please do not beg him or make him feel guilty for leaving. You are both young and it kinda sounds like he wants time to himself so he can party and "live it up". I'm not saying you can't do this and be with someone at the same time but for him maybe he has to be single to do it.
I speak from experience I was in a 7 year relationship starting when I was only 15...he went away to college and tried on a few occasions to take a break so he could "be young" some how we always stayed together. I believe he always resented me because he was never able to live the "single" life (so to speak). Because of this he was never able to make a bigger commitment to me.
Maybe you should suggest to him that you stay together but try to spend more time with your friends and less time together. He may just need a little space. I'm also a strong believe in the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I swear on it!
I don't think there is anything you can say. He probably made his mind up a week or two ago. Enema's right; his actions are all completely in line with someone trying to end a relation. The theory being, if he distances himself from you beforehand, there won't be as much of a struggle to finally end it.
The two of you moving in together, in the mind of men, is a prelude to the question "when will you ask me the question". Most 18 year old guys are not ready for that. Granted some are, but they're few and far between.
I wouldn't expect him to come over after the party. Chances are, he's already mentally declared himself single, and is acting as such. Talk to him tomorrow. You'll have gotten a little sleep (probably not much, but any helps) and he won't be quite as drunk as he probably is right now. Hope for the best, but don't expect it.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I don't like saying it. But I think it is close to the reality of the situation. I'd rather you hate me for telling what I believe to be the truth than to have you like me for lying to you.
Sorry, hon.
__________________
How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does. - S. Morrissey
so it's 1:30 and i still havn't heard from him. He said we would meet up at one. I tried texting and calling but he hasn't answered my calls or respond to my texts. I understand he wants to break up but through a text message isnt the right way, he better not back out on meeting up tonite, im so sick to my stomach i can barely breathe..
Once again thank you everyone for the advice and words of wisdom. We never met up last night, but he did call me when he got back to his place. He said he thinks we're spending too much time together and he doesn't know what he wants anymore and he needs some space,throughout this phone conversation he continued to call me baby and before we hung up he said i love you. he said he would like to talk about it more in person tomorrow Which is now today, he gets off of work at 8 so until then im anxiously waiting and hoping for the best. My plan is to stay calm and try not to cry (i've gotten most of that out of my system by now since i have been doing nothing but crying) i hope we can work something out where we can stay with each other, if he needs space i will gladly give it to him to make our relationship better. I think we both need the space anyways. I think we need to make an agreement for the first two weeks where we only see each other on the weekends, and no sleeping over, if he's going to do this to me there's no im going to have sex with him. Any advice on what i should say or some ideas on how to make our relationship work and last?
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