[JackhammerGemma]

Help!

If anyone has read my story, I have caught my boyfriend numerous times texting and emailing the girl at work he was having an affair with. I decided to stay with him for personal reasons, mainly companionship and just "riding the bus" as they say. We enjoy each others' company and I have changed my expectations of him and of the relationship. (I no longer see him as a potential husband or 5 years down the road type thing, just enjoying the time I spend with him.) I haven't caught him at anything lately, possibly because I haven't been looking for things to catch. I had the opportunity to look in his phone recently and didn't because I heard my friend's voice saying "Why look? You're not going to leave him even if you find something you don't like." Plus now I have stuff of my own going on that I wouldn't want him to know about so fair's fair.

About a month ago when I was still embroiled in this heartache and before I acquired my "distractions" I requested his password out of desperation from a hacking site, (which I later found out is illegal). Never heard from them and pretty much forgot about it til today when I got the confirmation that his password is available. I have the option to cancel my request though.

Now that my heart has jumped back into my chest and I have had the chance to calm my nerves, I don't think I will use this opportunity, because of the same reason my friend's voice said about the phone. I will only find something I won't like and feel awful and depressed and sad...since I decided to stay with him after he cheated, I don't feel I have the right to say anything anymore about what he does or says, and esp. not now that I'm doing something along the same lines..

Please give me the smackdown and tell me I need to cancel this request. Sometimes you just need to hear it even though you already know the answer. (Please no questions about why I'm still with him, I've heard a lot of that and I have no answer.) I just want to know that I'm making the right decision by leaving well enough alone with the password request. Thanks...

[Angel1111]

I have a friend who's husband was cheating on her and she was really upset about it. But in the end, she stayed because she liked her lifestyle that they have together. It's not just that he has made the money - they have developed a business together over the last 20 yrs, she being one of the primary money-makers for the company in the beginning. But they had 2 kids and she was able to be with them more, do her own thing, etc. She couldn't fathom working a 9-5 job. Their company makes about $20 mil a year now. There has actually been a lot of cheating in the marriage but she chooses to stay because the pay-off for maintaining her lifestyle was more important. And now that they've reached this level of success, yes, they could split and both be very well off but it seems they've reached a comfortable place and are actually very happy.

Why do I tell you all this? Because if you can't understand why you stay wtih your bf, I would suggest that you look around and you'll be able to figure out what the pay-off is. I think you listed some of them in your post.

As far as the password, I would just leave it alone -- unless you can think of some reason that you might need it and regret not having it in case of an emergency (whatever that might be). Honestly, the fact that he has one at all is very telling. I wouldn't bother with putting a password on my phone because it would annoy me.

[blondiepants]

Just get the password. You have been given enough reason to not trust him - who cares at this point?

I think you have a right to know what he is REALLY doing since you have chosen to stay with him.

That's my take on it.

[Amiss]

You should not accept the password. Why? You will turn into a paranoid , wreck checking his account daily without being able to discuss what you know. If you don't see him as husband material , why do you care who he emails? Leaving a relationship is hard when you are not 100% sure but maybe you need to focus on why you are staying with him?
If you change your mind , you can always ask for the password again at a later date!