As some of you know, I bankrupted my business last month. Then I had to sell my loft in order to clear the rest of my personal debt.
Tomorrow morning the movers come at 7am... and I am leaving the most incredible and awesome place I have ever owned. After my business failed and I lost my primary income- It just wasn't realistic to stay in my place and pay my bills. I had this great dream- this exciting life planned for myself... and in the morning I move to my parents house because I had to sell my place in order to recover from this mountain of debt I have incurred.
It's good, because I got more than my asking price for my loft- but even the proceeds from the sale won't completely negate my debt. I sunk so much personal money into my business- almost $80,000. And because that debt isn't covered under my incorporated bankruptcy- I basically just sold my loft to pay back personal loans. And I'll still owe...
Oh god, the beatles just came on my itunes... more tears.
It sucks. All my stuff is packed- and tomorrow I head home to my parents. Starting over again. I did this before after my divorce 6 years ago- and now I am doing it again.
It's okay- because my parents don't live in the house I am moving to- they are living in Washington DC right now... so we are essentially looking at this as a house sitting situation while they live out of country. It doesn't matter though- it's not my own place... not something I have worked for that I can call my own.
It's crazy how much I have isolated people from my life this past 6 months. No one knows how sad I am... I just don't tell anyone. I moved all the small portable stuff myself this past week all by myself- didn't even ask anyone to help me. I just can't ask for help ever.
Isn't that messed up? That I can't even tell my friends how sad I am?
I live in this very social world- with lots of friends and acquaintences- people I hang with all the time, and I can't even talk to them about how I feel. I'm ALWAYS "happy, fun Dee".... I come here to vent. I come here to talk about problems and issues and relationship issues.
I guess, the moving date tomorrow is just the end of this whole fiasco- business fails, money runs out... move home with mom and dad.
It would be so nice to go through this with someone. To have someone to listen to me for a change. I just always feel so guilty for asking for some Dee time to talk.
This whole situation has made me realize how seriously lonley I am.
I am the only single person in my friend group.... I have no problem meeting guys- just a huge problem falling in love. Tonight- it would just be really nice to curl up with someone that cares about me and to tell me everything will be okay. It's been so long since I remember that happening- years actually.
Just venting. I'm very sad to leave my place. I worked so hard to get it, and the prospect of starting over again in my 30's really does suck ass. It's worse to be doing it alone.
You have all of us... I know that isn't much in reality but just know that you will put it all back together and get your life back.. new friends/neighbors/BF's and all...
If I was only single I'd loan out Mr Wiggles for your enjoyment on the lonely nights..
Maybe Johan could be just the thing that can pull you back up
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
Sorry to hear about how you are feeling right now. With my wife gone right now, I know how lonely it can be. As someone said before, you are very fortunate to have your parents home to go to. There are many people here in Calif living in their cars, families even.
You will bounce back. It seems like you make friends easy. Think of it as a new start. Remember how exicted you were when you started your business? Well, this is a new start. Think of all the possibilities. Of all the new people you get to meet.
Be strong girl! And come here to vent, trust me it does help! Take care of yourself!
Sorry to hear about how you are feeling right now. With my wife gone right now, I know how lonely it can be. As someone said before, you are very fortunate to have your parents home to go to. There are many people here in Calif living in their cars, families even.
You will bounce back. It seems like you make friends easy. Think of it as a new start. Remember how exicted you were when you started your business? Well, this is a new start. Think of all the possibilities. Of all the new people you get to meet.
Be strong girl! And come here to vent, trust me it does help! Take care of yourself!
I know guys. Bouncing back isn't new for me. But I am a bouncing elastic....so I go back and forth.
Just feeling so low tonight- and well, low for the past 6 months, has made me realize- I want someone in my life.
I admit it- I am lonley. I am tired of dating just because.
It's going to go back to mommy and daddy issues as always...lol.
My parents are always too busy. They have this jet-setting lifesyle, they'll hand out the cash when needed... I have this big empty house to go back to with a housekeeper and a gardener... But I don't have them. And I would rather have them... I've never had "them".
It's stupid guys... I have two degrees, two diplomas... and more than 17 years of business behind me... I'm friendly, personable and intelligent- make friends easily, I have potential, and no idea how to channel it. I'm just at a loss.
Having a hard time tonight.
And drinking. Not helping.
No one is ever alone as long as one believes in one's self and has the capacity for love.
Each day is a precious gift, even those days when one doesn't feel like getting out of bed.
Dee, my one wish for you is that you would trust a close friend to be your confidant. People will love you and support you if you let them. Most of us who've reached a sufficient age have felt similar pain and do empathize. I've given this gift to numerous people in my long life and find it to be one of my most fulfilling missions in life. You have someone in your life right now who will be there for you. Look around.
LS is a great place to vent, but, as you so eloquently put it, you desire so much to "curl up with someone that cares about me and to tell me everything will be okay." I hope you find that
Alcohol can seem to be your best friend at times, I know it's mine right now.
But don't let it get the best of you. You're so capable of doing lots with your life. This is only a temporary setback. Better things and days lay ahead!
I know you are a survivor and that you will rise above this challenge as you have done so in the past. Perhaps to even greater heights.
Life is all about starting over and exploring new peaks. It keeps it interesting. Yet, there are those pesky valleys.
Can you imagine how much more difficult this would be without the previous experiences you have attained?
I don't think life is all about how to deal with disappointment and loss. Yet, those experiences do sage us to be able to better handle it if it comes as well as to be genuinely thankful when the good comes our way. A reality is that change is constant and fluid. Some good, some bad and others disguised and the opposite until time shows us differently.
Perhaps this seemingly unfortunate bump will be a stepping stone to even better things? It's possible.
I am glad you have family support in a difficult time. You are fortunate, even in a not so fortunate time.
Wishing you a super inspiration for the next installment of D-lish greatness.
But at least you won't have any more problems and will be free and not have to pay rent and get in debts.
That was the point.
It'll be ok. Hugs.
(You are beautiful, you can still find a rich husband full time now)
I just want more than than that- you know?
I want to forge my own path in life...
I want to make my own money, and be my own prize.
I want to find my way.... and then let someone worthwhile into that zone.
I want that for you too A.
I divorced my husband almost 6 years ago because we messed up and he got another woman pregnant... I just wanted to be over that- I just wanted to rise above it... and make a life for myself that was independant and exciting.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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