I HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME MAN FOR FIVE YEARS. WE ARE BOTH OLDER I AM 39 AND HE IS 53 NOW, ANYWAY, I HAVE CAUGHT HIM WATCHING PORN AND MASTRBATING TO IT INSTEAD OF OFFEING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, HE WILL WAIT TILL I GET UP THEN DO THIS. IS THIS EMOTIONAL CHEATING? I FIND THIS BEHAVIOR VERY UPSETTING AND HAVE TOLD HIM HOW I FEEL. HIS REPLY IS- IT'S NO BIG DEAL. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY ADVICE. THANKS
If this is affecting your sex life, meaning he is choosing to jerk off and watch porn instead of having sex with you, then yes, it is a problem. But, if he is just doing this for his own sexual needs, has nothing to do with you (MOST men DO jerk off daily, even if they are getting laid as well..Just something men do which has NOTHING to do with the woman they're with) then try not to take it so personally.
Why not watch porn with him, fool around and stuff.
I HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME MAN FOR FIVE YEARS. WE ARE BOTH OLDER I AM 39 AND HE IS 53 NOW, ANYWAY, I HAVE CAUGHT HIM WATCHING PORN AND MASTRBATING TO IT INSTEAD OF OFFEING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, HE WILL WAIT TILL I GET UP THEN DO THIS. IS THIS EMOTIONAL CHEATING? I FIND THIS BEHAVIOR VERY UPSETTING AND HAVE TOLD HIM HOW I FEEL. HIS REPLY IS- IT'S NO BIG DEAL. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY ADVICE. THANKS
How the hell is having sex with yourself in any way cheating?
weird mindset........as is posting this on the OW/OM board......
I HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME MAN FOR FIVE YEARS. WE ARE BOTH OLDER I AM 39 AND HE IS 53 NOW, ANYWAY, I HAVE CAUGHT HIM WATCHING PORN AND MASTRBATING TO IT INSTEAD OF OFFEING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, HE WILL WAIT TILL I GET UP THEN DO THIS. IS THIS EMOTIONAL CHEATING? I FIND THIS BEHAVIOR VERY UPSETTING AND HAVE TOLD HIM HOW I FEEL. HIS REPLY IS- IT'S NO BIG DEAL. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY ADVICE. THANKS
Yes it is emotional cheating.. he is in love with himself.. and is all over himself... tsk tsk tsk... naughty ..naughty boy...
PLus... he's 2 people short of having a threesome... watch him!!!
__________________ One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I don't really think it's cheating but it isn't very well nice to know that your other half is jerking off to other people. If anything a person would feel a little upset and quite inadequate (porn stars are definately not your average people...).
Like the first poster said: is it interfering with your own private sex life or is it something he does on the side?--- has this happened before? Did you and your mate have a previous discussion about pornography and how the both of you felt about the subject?...
The more info we get the better we can help
Goodluck to ya and keep us posted!
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
Last edited by saraispiel19; 21st July 2008 at 10:36 PM.
It's not cheating, and it's not abnormal.
I watch porn and masturbate, whether I am in a relationship or not.
What if the partner made it clear that he/she is not comfortable and would not like for the other to watch it or continue watching? Is that cheating or ommission?
What if the partner made it clear that he/she is not comfortable and would not like for the other to watch it or continue watching? Is that cheating or ommission?
WOW... That would make the partner a control freak.. I would tell him to effoff... period...
WOW... That would make the partner a control freak.. I would tell him to effoff... period...
Believe it or not Lizzie there are people out there that do not like watching porn and are not comfortable with it. In addition if the subject became a conversation of values and beliefs and the partner disagrees with it then it's not a control issue it's a principle they have.
Believe it or not Lizzie there are people out there that do not like watching porn and are not comfortable with it.
Good.. I appreciate that.. if YOU don't like it.. then DON'T watch it... but to tell your partner NOT to watch it.. there's a huge difference.. that's controlling.. and I would never put up with a control freak.. NEVER!
What if the partner made it clear that he/she is not comfortable and would not like for the other to watch it or continue watching? Is that cheating or ommission?
are we to have NO privacy whatsoever just because we're living with someone ?
I HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME MAN FOR FIVE YEARS. WE ARE BOTH OLDER I AM 39 AND HE IS 53 NOW, ANYWAY, I HAVE CAUGHT HIM WATCHING PORN AND MASTRBATING TO IT INSTEAD OF OFFEING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, HE WILL WAIT TILL I GET UP THEN DO THIS. IS THIS EMOTIONAL CHEATING? I FIND THIS BEHAVIOR VERY UPSETTING AND HAVE TOLD HIM HOW I FEEL. HIS REPLY IS- IT'S NO BIG DEAL. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY ADVICE. THANKS
The issue is that he seems to be replacing you with porn. I don't think this is the right place to post. I think maybe the marriage board will get you more answere. Good luck.
are we to have NO privacy whatsoever just because we're living with someone ?
Heck no. Everyone is entitled to privacy. However if your hiding something doesn't it make it wrong, in a sense?
The trouble porn tends to create: 1) an unrealistic view of human counterparts 2) have messed up expectations when it comes to "real" sex 3) can create habituation [may not apply to everyone but by far most];
over time a person needs "stronger" porn to get the same arousal - it's very much like a drug addict needing more of the drug to get a high, and the same brain process are responsible for both addictions. The need to escalate eventually results in the person "needing" to view horrible things like bestiality or rape, or the same kind of porn must be consumed in large and larger quantities.
**On a personal note: I'm not against porn and believe porn just isn’t the problem it's the attitudes and depictions that are merely a manifestation of deep-rooted cultural beliefs, religious or not! If you disagree with porn then find someone that does too! Porn in the end does create problems.
On the other hand if a women were using a sex toy would that be cheating too--a quote from a guy: "How do you think most guys would feel if they were to find out that their wives, who have been using sex toys since before they were together, were using something a little bigger than he is?? Well, I’ll let you know now, as a guy, that I would be extremely disappointed and have a horrible case of low self-esteem"
Last edited by saraispiel19; 21st July 2008 at 11:38 PM.
Heck no. Everyone is entitled to privacy. However if your hiding something doesn't it make it wrong, in a sense?
The trouble porn tends to create: 1) an unrealistic view of human counterparts 2) have messed up expectations when it comes to "real" sex 3) can create habituation [may not apply to everyone but by far most];
over time a person needs "stronger" porn to get the same arousal - it's very much like a drug addict needing more of the drug to get a high, and the same brain process are responsible for both addictions. The need to escalate eventually results in the person "needing" to view horrible things like bestiality or rape, or the same kind of porn must be consumed in large and larger quantities.
**On a personal note: I'm not against porn and believe porn just isn’t the problem it's the attitudes and depictions that are merely a manifestation of deep-rooted cultural beliefs, religious or not! If you disagree with porn then find someone that does too! Porn in the end does create problems.
On the other hand if a women were using a sex toy would that be cheating too--a quote from a guy: "How do you think most guys would feel if they were to find out that their wives, who have been using sex toys since before they were together, were using something a little bigger than he is?? Well, I’ll let you know now, as a guy, that I would be extremely disappointed and have a horrible case of low self-esteem"
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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