Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I'd like to get everyone's opinion on this so I can know if I'm right or overreacting. My husband has never been on the Internet until just a few weeks ago. He just wasn't into it until he realized all the info he could find and how easy it was. My husband has lied to me about many things in the past but I never would suspect him of cheating, although I have always thought of him as a flirt and wondered if he did that when I wasn't around. He always told me know and that he would never and could never cheat. He says he has never cheated on anyone. The lies told in the past were bad but we got through them and he seems to be telling me the truth now, although there are things I question sometimes but have no proof it's a lie.
I checked his history on the Internet and found out he had been looking at women in the area looking for casual encounters on craigslist. I also found adultfriendfinder and fling.com in the history but most of the visits were to craiglist and they were women in our area. Last week, he looked Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Before that the history doesn't show daily days, but lumps it into weeks. He looked last week and the week before. The only day he didn't look this week was the day of my father's funeral. I was very angry with him. I don't care if he looks at porn. I like porn and I found plenty of it on there, but it's ok. What hurts me so much is that he was looking at real women in our area who wanted casual sex and he kept looking almost daily.
His response was that he was just looking because he was curious and he wanted to see if there was anyone he knew. I asked why he looked more than once or twice if it was only curiousity and he said that there were new ones every day. He said he would never contact anyone, did not, (I know he didn't by email because he has no email set up on this laptop) and would never cheat on me. He was just curious. To me that is more than curiousity, especially since he was doing in daily and it also hurts that he was interested in this while my father had died and my life was a mess. I personally don't think he cheated, but the fact that he would even look at real accessible women scares me and makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. He says he's sorry and won't do it again and didn't mean to hurt me. Again he was just curious. He gave me the laptop. He did admit the pictures turned him on. He also said that he only looked at the ones that had photos but there were several clicked on that didn't have photos.
Am I overreacting. I'm a beautiful intelligent woman and I love my husband. He's not lacking in a wife. Why would my husband be doing this? He says it's because he never saw this stuff on the net and always heard of it, so once he found it he kept looking, like looking at an accident on the road. I have looked at all that stuff in the past because I've been on the iternet a long time, but I wouldn't even think about looking for men on craiglist who were looking for sex. I'm not curious. He can look at all the porn he wants, but this became real to me. Many women also post their phone numbers.
So I ask, amd I wrong to be upset and hurt by this? Should I question my husband's loyalty to me? Should I be concerned?
If he is just looking at it that's one thing - But I honestly do not understand WHY someone would browse a dating site for the heck of it, unless you were there with him and sharing a laugh about it, or if one of his buddy's was over and they were just having some fun with it. Time will tell.
I am sorry for your loss..
His timing sucks, but him looking during those times wasn't a shot at you or supposed to be inconsiderate. Could be he was just killing time and didn't think about anything at all while surfing.
Anyway, time will tell if he's up to something or not. He knows you know he's looking at it - So I doubt very much he's that stupid to go off and meet someone.
Maybe you should post a fake ad and see if he contacts you..
Make it really believable,then you would know.
I find it odd he is looking SO much. I think he is lying for sure when he is cruising "Casual encounters" just to see if there is someone he might know. And right after your father died, well that is just wrong.
It could be A...He is really curious.
B. Most men DO get tired of sleeping with the same woman forever, so he is looking for the right opportunity.
Thanks and no I don't think he will do anything. He even gave me the laptop, but curiousity only happens once or twice. This went on for two weeks, almost every day. Was he secretly turned on by the fact there are women out there looking for casual sex? Was he getting turned on thinking about doing it even though he never would? He was there on purpose. He would google craigslist in our state. If I ever did this to him he would hate me, especially because his ex did it to him. I will look at anything with my husband. If he had told me I would have searched the site with him. This was done in secret and that's what scares me. Look at every porn site on the net, but why look for real women?
Maybe I am overreacting. I dunno, but I thought we were 100% loyal to each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup
If he is just looking at it that's one thing - But I honestly do not understand WHY someone would browse a dating site for the heck of it, unless you were there with him and sharing a laugh about it, or if one of his buddy's was over and they were just having some fun with it. Time will tell.
I am sorry for your loss..
His timing sucks, but him looking during those times wasn't a shot at you or supposed to be inconsiderate. Could be he was just killing time and didn't think about anything at all while surfing.
Anyway, time will tell if he's up to something or not. He knows you know he's looking at it - So I doubt very much he's that stupid to go off and meet someone.
Maybe you should post a fake ad and see if he contacts you..
Make it really believable,then you would know.
I find it odd he is looking SO much. I think he is lying for sure when he is cruising "Casual encounters" just to see if there is someone he might know. And right after your father died, well that is just wrong.
It could be A...He is really curious.
B. Most men DO get tired of sleeping with the same woman forever, so he is looking for the right opportunity.
haha, that won't work because he knows I'm too smart and I would do something like that. I asked him if he as looking for someone he knew than why didn't he also look at the women seeking men section or the men seeking women section. he said what fun would it be do find someone he knew who was only looking to date. He said he was looking to see if anyone he knew was looking to sleep around. I also think he was looking way too much. he said it was only 15 minutes a nit tops and I believe him because there are only so many posts you can hit on there, but it was every night damnit. I'm soooooooooooooo not a prude. I'll watch every sick kind of porn out there. I'm thinking that the thought was in his head to cheat, but don't think he would do it, more like the thought was turning him on? Still it scares me that some day the right opportunity could strike.
If he got cheated upon by an ex, chances are he isn't going to do that to you.
You could just come right out and tell him that if he is thinking of cheating, he can walk away now because you won't put up with that from him.
I did. He said he could never do that to me. So am I supposed to chalk this up to his d*ck thinking before his heart? I'm trying, but I still don't buy the curiousity excuse.
It could be a turn on for him to view actual woman who just want sex in his area. This would not be such a turn on to view with you sitting next to him.
However, I would be very upset if my girlfriend was spending her time looking for guys who just want sex in the area.(obviously)
I am not saying he will cheat, but if an ex cheated on him that means absolutely ZERO in determining if HE will cheat.
Very thankful for the replies so far. I need more responses. I plan on showing this to my husband later after I get the gernal consensus of LS. Also, I am posting under an alias but was a regular here once upon a time. Too embarrassed to post as myself. My world is supposed to be perfect
This is a tough one. You want to put a quick end to it. I have found that alot of people become addicted to those sites and will not stop, no matter what. The female I speak of in my CraigsList posting had that problem and I have known a handful of others.
I'm trying, but I still don't buy the curiousity excuse.
It IS possible that he just got caught up in this whole new "internet experience" of his, and finding out how the "other half" lives and such. Perhaps a bit of living vicariously through them, but I do that with ballet dancers and Formula 1 auto drivers .
I do remember getting caught up in just about EVERYthing, when I first got on the 'Net. Everything was just ssoooo freakin' new and fascinating for about three months. I couldn't get enough...even of what really was crap and not at all my interest.
I am sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Perhaps this is how your husband decided to cope with all of it. Not that it was necessarily a smart or effective coping strategy, but maybe it was just a convenient and safe outlet for him.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
I used the internet for years (while being a single male)before I even knew about casual encounters on craigslist, adultfriendfinder, fling etc.
So he never really knew anything about the net before, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN he knows just about all the hook up sites, with women seeking men for sex?
All within a few weeks?
Are you being a bit naive, or intentionally overlooking something?
No, he really didn't know how to use it. Adultfriendfinder and fling he found while searching for porn. I think he came across pop ups, and couldn't sign up because I would see it in his email, so he only looked at the main page on those sites. He never accesses his email and I look at it every day to give him leads for his work. He wouldn't know how to set up another email account and there was no history of any other free email sites. I had once told him about adultfriendfinder and a guy who used to work with him told him how he hooked up with people on craigslist. I told him it was true that that stuff was on there. I had posted ads for his business on there so he knew about craigslist, but had never been there. I'm a good detective. I don't think I'm overlooking anything.
Why would you want your husband to look at porn on the net, encourage it, or be ambivalent about it? That seems to be a big problem these days in many relationships.
Anyway, if you don't by the "curiosity" excuse, which I don't either, what do you think it is?
I think you're being too naive here. He's not looking AT women online, he's looking FOR women online.
His excuse that he is looking to see if anyone he knows is on there is ridiculous. More crazy that you believe it!
If he hasn't cheated already, he's testing the waters and getting ready to do it. What you are witnessing is step one. He has exhibited the desire, the intent, and all that's left is the action.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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