[loveaboveall]

so im 19, female.. i recently finished my first year of college..while my best friend (the one i fell for) finished her senior year of high school. shes always been the type of person that was touchy feely and it never got to me until christmas break when she kissed me for the first time..i had no clue what to do..basic instinct urged me to kiss back and everything inside me was fighting to kiss back but it was just a gentle one-second-to-long lingering peck.
ive know her for a few years but got very close to her my senior year..so this crazy train ride has been going on for about a year and a half..and she continued to cuddle with me and kiss me just little pecks..as if she was just being playful..but i started to feel something inside of me when she did so. and then a few days before i went back for the spring semester..we had been hanging out watching tv and yet again she had been playfully kissing me and she complained because i was resisting her..she said that she had be doing all the work..so i distracted her..pointed to something behind her and as she turned to look back at me..

i gently pulled her face to mine and softly kissed her lips..it lasted about 5 seconds before we both pulled away..she kissed me just ginger little pecks the rest of the night as she had done earlier..it was in that moment i realized that i had fallen for her..in no way did i want too..but my heart had chosen for me. ive loved many timess..but i had never felt something so strong..it washed over me like hot water..and suffocated me..just not knowing what tomorrow would bring..or how she would react. i left for the spring semester..and when i returned for a holiday i wanted to spend time with her but she kept avoiding me and wouldnt talk to me..so we got into a huge fight, and i kept saying..which was in all honesty..i just wanted to see her..so we didnt talk for 2 months..i was beyond miserable, i had never felt so unbearably heart broken in my life..the sun just wouldnt shine for me type of misery.

now im home for summer though and ive seen her twice for like ten minute intervals and there are always moments of awkwardness..and then there are moments when she acts like she did over christmas break. im so lost and confused and afraid and ..hurt. i try over and over again to just hang out and be near her but it seems like she keeps avoiding me or something else comes up..and all i can think about is the precious time i had with her and the things she would say like.."oh, we can never drink together..you know what would happen..or what could happen given how loving we already are towards each other.." how can i not think shes at least bi?

i havent told anyone this because i dont want to be judged and yet my other best friends would never judge me..its more or less self doubt i guess. i just dont know what to do. i love her and it hurts me so much to do so.. its soo hard, and i get so many mixed signals i cant think straight..any advice is much appreciated.

[BeforeTheComm]

I'll let you on a track, for others as well. Sit down and talk. Don't avoid the subject and talk about it, don't both wait on your side until something somehow happens.

That's my intervention, for now. For now, because you didn't really give details about how she or you managed to kiss you or her, i didn't quite get that part. Edit?

P.S.: If you think that your best friends will judge you if you tell them about this, then they are not your best friends.