I've been wrestling with this whole forgiveness bit. I wanted to forgive her, but I knew it was too soon. Every single day, I've been wrestling with my emotions, trying to figure out my own feelings towards her and if I could and should forgive.
I realize that the resentment I had held within me, really has no purpose. It hurts me more than it hurts her, as it eats me up from the moment I wake up. Even the thought of trying to hurt her, to get revenge, made me feel even worse. I'm not that kind of person, and I know that she isn't an evil person. I loved her for long enough to know that she is not perfect. She is vulnerable and capable of making mistakes, just like everyone else. I do want her to be happy, with or without me. The anger, jealousy, hurt, that I've been struggling with is more about me, than it is about her.
I forgave her and wrote her a short note to let her know. I cried after I sent it, but I feel much better. I hope she's happy, and now I can let go of the past and focus on now. Sure, I am still sad and hurt, and I don't condone her actions, but it's time to flip the page. I know it is the right thing to have done. It was just a matter of when.
As they say, 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'.
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"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes." - Viktor Frankl
I've been wrestling with this whole forgiveness bit. I wanted to forgive her, but I knew it was too soon. Every single day, I've been wrestling with my emotions, trying to figure out my own feelings towards her and if I could and should forgive.
I realize that the resentment I had held within me, really has no purpose. It hurts me more than it hurts her, as it eats me up from the moment I wake up. Even the thought of trying to hurt her, to get revenge, made me feel even worse. I'm not that kind of person, and I know that she isn't an evil person. I loved her for long enough to know that she is not perfect. She is vulnerable and capable of making mistakes, just like everyone else. I do want her to be happy, with or without me. The anger, jealousy, hurt, that I've been struggling with is more about me, than it is about her.
I forgave her and wrote her a short note to let her know. I cried after I sent it, but I feel much better. I hope she's happy, and now I can let go of the past and focus on now. Sure, I am still sad and hurt, and I don't condone her actions, but it's time to flip the page. I know it is the right thing to have done. It was just a matter of when.
As they say, 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'.
Is it forgiveness or awareness? I'm not so sure about the forgiving part, particularly where my own relationship was concerned because Tony was such a deviate but I just feel so much more aware now and know that no matter what I did in this relationship, it was going to end where it did. We only have control over who we are and how we behave and he told me who he was and I had no choice but to believe what he told me because I had no evidence to the contrary. His actions were the truth and now we are not together. I don't forgive him for hurting me. He pulled the heart out of someone who was vulnerable. This to me is a cunt act. But this is his way and I don't have to abide by it anymore. I'm not the only person he has done this to and won't be the last. The problem for me is that when we forgive someone, they think it's OK to carry on behaving as they do and this is not right. We need to leave their sorry asses and let them know that what they did is wrong, just by leaving. No grand gestures, no letters, no texts, no contact. I am very AWARE now and will take no prisoners. I will also never allow myself to be taken in by someone. If they want to have a part of my life, it won't just be on my terms, it will be a shared experience still but I know that when and if I say no, it will be for reasons pertaining to that and if the reaction I get is not what is good for me, then I'll have to look at the investment that I've made in this person. If it doesn' t turn out to be sound, I'll be cashing it in. I know this sounds hard and u know what, I'm glad. It tells me I'm on the direction that I need to be on. I'm too old now at 42 to have anything that I work hard for taken away from me and after a lifetime of giving everything to everyone else (bar my son) IT'S ALL ABOUT KAREN!!!!!! And I'm starting to love it.
I've been wrestling with this whole forgiveness bit. I wanted to forgive her, but I knew it was too soon. Every single day, I've been wrestling with my emotions, trying to figure out my own feelings towards her and if I could and should forgive.
I realize that the resentment I had held within me, really has no purpose. It hurts me more than it hurts her, as it eats me up from the moment I wake up. Even the thought of trying to hurt her, to get revenge, made me feel even worse. I'm not that kind of person, and I know that she isn't an evil person. I loved her for long enough to know that she is not perfect. She is vulnerable and capable of making mistakes, just like everyone else. I do want her to be happy, with or without me. The anger, jealousy, hurt, that I've been struggling with is more about me, than it is about her.
I forgave her and wrote her a short note to let her know. I cried after I sent it, but I feel much better. I hope she's happy, and now I can let go of the past and focus on now. Sure, I am still sad and hurt, and I don't condone her actions, but it's time to flip the page. I know it is the right thing to have done. It was just a matter of when.
As they say, 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'.
Wow that is exactly what im feeling... Im confused and lost and so angry and frustrated at him that i am not being myself... and that is making everything worse! I think you are right... maybe if i be myself and not try to resent him so much and stop trying to play the game by others rules i wouldnt be ripping myself apart... Thanks! Im going to let it all go.. forgive him but not forget it.... Great post
Has anyone found that their friends encourage them not to forgive? I don't hold anger toward my ex but everyone else seems to and wants me to do things that will cause difficulties in his life.
As an example, his car is still parked at my house. He doesn't have anywhere to take it right now and me forcing him to take it would cost him money and I'd be being a bitch. I don't care about the stupid car but if I had a dollar for every time one of my friends told me that I need to tell him to get that piece of sh*t out of there I'd be a millionaire!
I think being angry or vendictive is counter productive. I don't need to feel any guilt, I need to heal and move on. Seems like my friends need to move on too...
Has anyone found that their friends encourage them not to forgive? I don't hold anger toward my ex but everyone else seems to and wants me to do things that will cause difficulties in his life.
As an example, his car is still parked at my house. He doesn't have anywhere to take it right now and me forcing him to take it would cost him money and I'd be being a bitch. I don't care about the stupid car but if I had a dollar for every time one of my friends told me that I need to tell him to get that piece of sh*t out of there I'd be a millionaire!
I think being angry or vendictive is counter productive. I don't need to feel any guilt, I need to heal and move on. Seems like my friends need to move on too...
When you see his car everyday, does he come to mind?
The sight of the car really doesn't bother me. It has always been there. My friends are saying it definetly as an FU to him, that's why I disagree with them. He is in such a bad place right now financially and emotionally that it seems cruel to heap something else onto the pile. I think I'd feel guilty if I insisted on it.
I've been wrestling with this whole forgiveness bit. I wanted to forgive her, but I knew it was too soon. Every single day, I've been wrestling with my emotions, trying to figure out my own feelings towards her and if I could and should forgive.
I realize that the resentment I had held within me, really has no purpose. It hurts me more than it hurts her, as it eats me up from the moment I wake up. Even the thought of trying to hurt her, to get revenge, made me feel even worse. I'm not that kind of person, and I know that she isn't an evil person. I loved her for long enough to know that she is not perfect. She is vulnerable and capable of making mistakes, just like everyone else. I do want her to be happy, with or without me.
Hopefully you decided that it should be without you.
Quote:
The anger, jealousy, hurt, that I've been struggling with is more about me, than it is about her.
I forgave her and wrote her a short note to let her know. I cried after I sent it, but I feel much better. I hope she's happy, and now I can let go of the past and focus on now. Sure, I am still sad and hurt, and I don't condone her actions, but it's time to flip the page. I know it is the right thing to have done. It was just a matter of when.
As they say, 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'.
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I jussa lil bish
I am at the point where I am almost ready for forgive my ex for her betrayal, lies, etc, etc. But I won't be letter her know. I am forgiving her for ME. It feels good to no longer care.
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We aren't here to discover ourselves, we are here to create ourselves.
Good for you V33. I think you'll feel better, but best not rush it. I doubted myself yesterday, thinking I should not have told her.
She replied, and she told me she wanted to call me because she wanted to hear my voice. She told me she didn't deserve forgiveness, and that she is a coward. She told me she is holding back tears as she read my note. It actually made me hurt to read it, but once I got a grip of myself, I felt at peace.
I felt better to know that she cared, and it wasn't easy for her. I won't forget the pain she caused me, but I'll always remember the good things we shared.
The sight of the car really doesn't bother me. It has always been there. My friends are saying it definetly as an FU to him, that's why I disagree with them. He is in such a bad place right now financially and emotionally that it seems cruel to heap something else onto the pile. I think I'd feel guilty if I insisted on it.
Are you looking to maintain some kind of connection with him?
She replied, and she told me she wanted to call me because she wanted to hear my voice. She told me she didn't deserve forgiveness, and that she is a coward.
Wow.
I mean, absolutely wow.
Everyone whose ex has expressed remorse: feel grateful. Some of us are never going to get that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy you.
Posts like this make me happy for people, while they simultaneously make me wanna stay off the site. I can't handle hearing this stuff anymore.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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