[Violet87]

I am 20 years old and in college and my boyfriend is 24 and was a college student before taking time off. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. Things have been good between us thus far. He's kind and many things I want in a boyfriend, but there's a problem. He has served two months in a local jail in the past charged with domestic violence/contempt of court (speeding tickets). He had an arguement with a friend while driving and drove off the road. While there was no actual fighting involved, he admits he made a mistake by not dissolving the arguement sooner. At first I was apprehensive about moving forward with him after finding that out but ultimately chose to begun seeing him again. He has never been violent in any way towards me.

When I told my mom of his history, she wanted me to cut all ties with him completely. She thinks all men who've served time in jail aren't worth my time and are lousy. She constantly brings up all the stories/news/movies shown on TV of men abusing their wives/gfs despite the fact that my bf has never been violent towards me. My mom also brings up an old flame who I've dated in the past to me, hoping for us to reconcile, despite the fact that the flame treated me like crap. However she likes him because he was top student in our department and thinks he's just going through his "immature/sowing his oats" phase. My mom and I are very close and I know she wants what's best for me, but I care for my bf very much. Please help me on what should I do.

[suzyq83]

I would be afraid to be in a car with him while he was driving if in the event he ever got mad, for one.

How does he handle his frustration in life? Does he fly off the handle? Does he carry grudges? Does he make things bigger than they are? What kind of relationship did his parents have, while he was growing up? Did they fight a lot? Did the Dad fly off the handle toward the Mom? Where and why did he learn to take out his aggression on a car? That is a very scary thing. A complete misuse of a vehicle. Why didn't he learn more appropriate ways to take out his anger any way? There are many questions to be asking, and remain objective about -- is he controlling? Is he controlling in his relationship with you?
Aside from the jail thing marring his past, and understandbly it upsets your Mom, as it would most Moms, there are a lot of concerns you should be looking at, I think with anyone who becomes violent for any reason. Maybe your bf has grown and learned from his mistakes, but did he ever need or receive anger mgmt while in jail?

Us parents, we aren't much fun when it comes to how much we love our kids and someone we think isn't so good for our kids comes along. I am in danger right now of losing my younger son emotionally, over his choice of a gf who I think is VERY bad for him, plus alcohol use. So I want to say, please stay close to your Mom, even tho this is all hard for you both, parents do their best to tell you what they know, about life and about ppl. They warn you. They do their damnedest to help you not make mistakes or get hurt. I know a Dad right now who is beside himself because his daughter is Olympic material ski competition -- has passed all the cuts -- suddenly fell in love with a good looking guy who does drugs and now his daughter does drugs and sex all day long, as her Dad says. He is terrified she will ruin her life. So understand where your Mom is coming from. She loves you, and doesn't want you to get hurt or ruin your life.

Be careful and stay safe, and go slowly, I wish you the very best