I've been good friends with this girl for over 5 years. Of late my feelings have grown stronger and stronger to the point I can't take not letting her know how I feel. Are there any signals to what she is feeling that girls would know to look for? Also she is just starting to see this guy, but it's nothing serious right now. It's really a tough spot, I don't wanna make things awkward, but I also don't what the "what could of been" feeling down the road. I feel that I've seen some signals, and we've increased the time together, and have been having deeper conversations. I'd love for some advice, and if people have been in similar situations that'd be a help to. Especially if you were the girl in the situation.
Feel free to ask anything, as I can elaborate more on the situation.
Instinct - If you're attracted to her, she knows. Her show of interest in another man signals one of two things:
1. She's testing you.
2. You are in the friend zone, destined to never exit.
My money is on #2.
By telling her how you feel, which I do recommend, you risk the friendship. It's not healthy for you to live your life in a state of frustrated attraction. I've done it, longer than you've been alive. Don't be me
Sorry - is this a same-sex attraction? If so, I would first want to make sure that the friend and I are on the same page, about that.
If it's opposite sex, then what carhill wrote
I am a male sorry for confusion haha.
See I've thought about we are just in the "friend zone" too. But she'll say things to me that seem like that isn't the case. The other she asked why I hadn't gotten drunk and made out with her like I have with a friend or two of hers. She'll make little subtle flirts like, stick a piece of gum in her teeth and say "come and get it" then smile and laugh it off. Things like that make me think other wise, and just the way our Conversations have been lately more geared toward marriage and kids and such. We've had those before but lately we've been spending lots of time together even though she's seeing this other guy, and she seems to want me around more.
My friend outside perspective says "to me it seems she wants you, from when the 3 of us hang out together" basically confirming what I think but still with a long term friendship, it's not easy.
OP, you're stable and steady and familiar. That's why she spends time with you. She knows she can count on you. The new guy is an unknown.
I've had plenty of platonic (no sexual tension) female friends and they didn't flirt with me like that, even in jest. She knows you're attracted and she's doing a minor ego feed on you.
If you don't want to tell her outright how you feel, you could always, without explanation, tell her you're a bit uncomfortable with the new guy in the picture (the dynamic) and want her to have the space to explore this new relationship without feeling any friendly obligation towards you. She'll then need to get her male attention/emotional needs met from the new guy without you as the fallback plan.
If her flirting isn't physical, that's how I'd handle it, absent telling her the precise truth of your feelings. If it is physical, flirt back and see what she does.
Lastly, when you two say goodbye after an evening/event/visit, etc, how do you do it?
OP, you're stable and steady and familiar. That's why she spends time with you. She knows she can count on you. The new guy is an unknown.
I've had plenty of platonic (no sexual tension) female friends and they didn't flirt with me like that, even in jest. She knows you're attracted and she's doing a minor ego feed on you.
If you don't want to tell her outright how you feel, you could always, without explanation, tell her you're a bit uncomfortable with the new guy in the picture (the dynamic) and want her to have the space to explore this new relationship without feeling any friendly obligation towards you. She'll then need to get her male attention/emotional needs met from the new guy without you as the fallback plan.
If her flirting isn't physical, that's how I'd handle it, absent telling her the precise truth of your feelings. If it is physical, flirt back and see what she does.
Lastly, when you two say goodbye after an evening/event/visit, etc, how do you do it?
we've never been very touchy feely saying goodbye. We usually just say goodbye and that's all. There has always been a weird kind of air there. She's always looking for guys but never seems to find them how she wants them. She never opens up to guys she see's and sometimes I wonder if its a sign that she subconsciously wants it to fail to leave option open for me to make a move. She never makes a first move first with anyone and I know I'd have to.
OK, up the ante. Next time you say goodbye, hug her and kiss her on the cheek. Tell her you really love having a great friend like her (I'll assume that's true). See what happens. Don't hesitate. Don't talk about it. Do it, look her in the eyes and turn and go.
FWIW, I always hugged my female friends goodbye. If they were close enough to be called a true friend, they were close enough to hug
OK, up the ante. Next time you say goodbye, hug her and kiss her on the cheek. Tell her you really love having a great friend like her (I'll assume that's true). See what happens. Don't hesitate. Don't talk about it. Do it, look her in the eyes and turn and go.
FWIW, I always hugged my female friends goodbye. If they were close enough to be called a true friend, they were close enough to hug
Most my friends that are females I usually kiss on the cheek, as an Italian I was used to that anyway. She's the only one that's really been different. And yes she is probably my best friend, if not one of them especially of the opposite sex. And she considers me the same.
I will def follow the advice and do a hug and kiss on the cheek. I guess that what send a signal to her that my interest is there more so then it has been in the past. ??
we've never been very touchy feely saying goodbye. We usually just say goodbye and that's all. There has always been a weird kind of air there. She's always looking for guys but never seems to find them how she wants them. She never opens up to guys she see's and sometimes I wonder if its a sign that she subconsciously wants it to fail to leave option open for me to make a move. She never makes a first move first with anyone and I know I'd have to.
Don't kid yourself about her feelings for other guys. This lady is clearly using you. A lot of women like to have a really nice stand by just in case all else fails...however, they ALWAYS find someone else. I don't know what you're giving her but it's something she values. Back off. You don't stand a chance. So sorry to inform you of this, I've seen it a thousand times.
It will be the difference which will send the message. Let her digest that. The context of your conversations will tell you what you want to know, along with her body language, IMO. Then you'll have a decision to make.
I risked a friendship and lost it because a combination of my emotions and timing was wrong. Don't be me
Don't kid yourself about her feelings for other guys. This lady is clearly using you. A lot of women like to have a really nice stand by just in case all else fails...however, they ALWAYS find someone else. I don't know what you're giving her but it's something she values. Back off. You don't stand a chance. So sorry to inform you of this, I've seen it a thousand times.
I felt like this at first myself, but some of the signals given seem to be way to obvious. Mentioning like doesn't this remind you of you in me in movies where there are couples and such.
Another example the other day we were in car, her cell phone was glaring from sun, and she had it on her lap in between her legs. I didn't ask just kind of picked it up and flipped it over. She made a joke comment, then later we were out at the bar, and she suggests shes cold. I in turn say, "well sorry I don't got anything for you, no jacket".. she replies with "why don't you just put ur hand in between my legs again" kind of laughs as she says it, but it was also referenced later in the night again while we were watching a movie..
I mean either shes a huge tease, or it's def a test as the other person suggested.
Beware of just enough sexual innuendo to keep you interested. This is an art which females are expert at It takes minimal effort and yields maximum results. It's an extension of wrapping daddy around her little finger with her cuteness when a girl
Little update, convo's have gotten much more toward major signals. I think I'm just gonna tell her and be done with it. Other day she went to wedding, asked me to go out with her afterwards.. She says something to extent of.. Oh "So and so are good for each other and compliment each other really well. They are best friends first and foremost, I guess that'd be ideal" (the couple that got married) Basically a big hint and signal telling me a hint. Then saying isn't it "weird how well we know each other' and then referencing a movie reminding it of us again, about marriage. I mean it can't be more clear am I wrong?
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