He wants me to take his name, and says that its much less complicated that way, especially if we have kids.
I agree, but I also like my name, and professionally, my name is the name that got me where I am now, and I don't know if I am ready to let go of that. My degree and all that is in my name, and many of my friends call me by my surname as a nickname.
I have considered keeping my name for work and changing it at home, but wonder if that will get too complicated?
I am also supremely lazy about some things, and the thought of having to go around and change everything is just tiresome (don't flame me!). I will be needing a new passport just after we get married, and I will probably get a new one with my married name, but I just don't know about going the whole hog and changing it for everything.
I wonder if I will have a change of heart when we are actually married, and be more keen to take his name and become Mrs Wonderboy?
What do you guys think? Any experiences/ thoughts you would like to share?
PS we got our wedding rings today which was very exciting. I want to wear mine now but WB has banned me from trying it on anymore for fear of jinxing it!
I still have my maiden name as my "legal" last name and my married name is "assumed" so I can use it. (an assumed name is a name which a person uses or adopts although it is not their legal name. It is not against the law to simply use another name, provided it is not for fraudulent purposes. Upon marriage, a person may choose to "assume" the last name of his/her spouse and use it. Most government organizations, credit card firms, etc will accept a copy of the marriage certificate issued by the Office of the Registrar General as proof of marriage, and issue revised identification. With this option, your birth certificate remains in your maiden or birth name).
Other options:
how about hyphenating your last names – sometimes just the bride hyphenates, while the groom stays with his last name solo, but most of the time both change their names. You all can decide whose name goes first
He could take your last name. While only a small percentage of couples are going this route, it will mark you all as modern folks who aren't afraid to change up tradition. If you've got the cool last name, and his is, well, dorky, both of you can win with this option.
Consider changing your name legally, so as to make traveling with the kids, dealing with schools and other personal matters easier, but still using your name professionally. It will be a small hassle setting things up when you change jobs, but will make day-to-day life much simpler.
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
Last edited by saraispiel19; 18th July 2008 at 4:12 PM..
But I like your name!!! :-( I don't know what his last name is... hope it's not funky.
We're both similarly situated in our careers, and if I got married tomorrow I'd probably keep my last name professionally, hyphenate personally, and have our children have his last name. That's a compromise!
__________________
...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
How about hyphenating your last names – sometimes just the bride hyphenates, while the groom stays with his last name solo, but most of the time both change their names. You all can decide whose name goes first
Our names together would sound a bit ridiculous and are a mouthful. We have discussed this, and neither of us are too keen on this one.
Quote:
He could take your last name. While only a small percentage of couples are going this route, it will mark you all as modern folks who aren't afraid to change up tradition. If you've got the cool last name, and his is, well, dorky, both of you can win with this option.
I would LOVE this option. However I suggested this and Wonderboys response was rather.... colourful. He said is was very demasculating. (sp?)
Quote:
Consider changing your name legally, so as to make traveling with the kids, dealing with schools and other personal matters easier, but still using your name professionally. It will be a small hassle setting things up when you change jobs, but will make day-to-day life much simpler.
I like this option the best. I am considering assuming his name for our life together, for my passport, bank accounts etc, household stuff etc, but keep my name for my work stuff.
We have discussed this, and he is cool with this option. I think given the choice he would prefer it if I changed my name completely, but I think this option is a reasonable compromise.
I have considered keeping my name for work and changing it at home, but wonder if that will get too complicated?
not really, if you explain simply yet clearly that you use both names.
when I married, I was between writing gigs, so I didn't have a problem using my married name with my first & middle names for my newspaper bylines. When I landed my current job 14 years ago, my editor suggested I use maiden AND married names so that our Hispanic readers could identify with me, and so far, so good. Now I've got a double-southern first name, my Mexican maiden name and DH's English surname all on my byline but it works.
co worker, on the other hand, has kept her maiden name as her byline (because she was writing for this paper long before she married her mister), and because if she combined maiden and married names, it just wouldn't fit the column-width format used by the paper at that time. Yet, she's comfortable answering to both, and now that her husband is a deacon, it's easier to explain that she's "Deacon N's wife," so people make the connection between her married name and her byline.
I suggest you try something similar – incorporate his surname into your new legal name "SB 129 MarriedName" and tell people that they can call you by either name. I promise, the hard part will initially be remembering to sign your full new name after you marry!
__________________ Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more … (Rom 5:20)
But I like your name!!! :-( I don't know what his last name is... hope it's not funky.
We're both similarly situated in our careers, and if I got married tomorrow I'd probably keep my last name professionally, hyphenate personally, and have our children have his last name. That's a compromise!
I like it too. You know where to find his last name if you have a look...
There is nothing wrong with it- I just like mine better!
I am totally fine with our kids having his name. My best friend has a hyphenated surname, which was a result of her husbands grandparents hyphenating, and my friend and her husband often just use the second surname as their name won't fit on lots of forms!
I am considering assuming his name for our life together, for my passport, bank accounts etc, household stuff etc, but keep my name for my work stuff.
I believe on legal documents, you're limited to your legal married name – I seemed to recall wanting my full name on SSN and DL cards, but they said I had to use first and married names ... Really? The only place I use my maiden name is at work, because it's much shorter and easier to say than hubby's name.
I suggest you try something similar – incorporate his surname into your new legal name "SB 129 MarriedName" and tell people that they can call you by either name. I promise, the hard part will initially be remembering to sign your full new name after you marry!
This is a good idea. My cousin has my surname as one of his middle names, I could just use my current surname as an extra middle name and use that professionally.
I haven't even practised signing my name as Mrs Wonderboy. When i was a teenager my schoolbooks were covered with practise signatures!
I believe on legal documents, you're limited to your legal married name – I seemed to recall wanting my full name on SSN and DL cards, but they said I had to use first and married names ... Really? The only place I use my maiden name is at work, because it's much shorter and easier to say than hubby's name.
Thats OK. I don't mind being legally Mrs Wonderboy. I would just like to keep my name somehow, and using it for work and/or as an additional middle name is a good compromise. We really like your ideas, so thanks alot Q!
Quote:
Originally Posted by quankanne
the nice part? When someone's looking for you, despite which surname they use, WB will immediately know who they're talking about!
Yeah. I am quite looking forward to being a Mrs instead of a Miss.
I am excited about being his "wife". Not just A wife. HIS wife.
Hypenating is a pain in the butt and I don't recommend it at all.
What I did once was drop my middle name and use my maiden name in place of it, while using my married name as my last name. For instance: Sue Smith Jones (not my name, of course). Known to most as Sue Jones (married name) but it was comforting to have my maiden name (Smith) in there for the record. It worked well. At work, you could use both last names without the hyphenation. If you have kids, you'll also share their last name.
If you hyphenate, you've got this long string of a name all the time and it get old fast. Plus, records are alphabetized that way, and most of the time people get confused by it and you end up having to give them both names because they can't find something under the other name. Again, I truly got sick of it and if you're lazy like me, you'll really be sorry.
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Yeah. I am quite looking forward to being a Mrs instead of a Miss. 
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
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