I'm trying to understand my cheating boyfriend, and was hoping to get perspective from someone who has cheated.
When I started dating my boyfriend a year ago he made it clear that he was miserable in his last relationship and wanted to remain single. He told me he would make a bad boyfriend, describing himself as a "dog that can't help himself"
I was fine with this, as we have a great time together. There was no reason to need monogomy at that point.
Seven months into our relationship he told me that he wanted me to be my boyfriend... that I was the only one in his life and he wanted to keep it that way. I had been falling in love with him shortly prior.
Then He cheated a week later. He told me about it and was honest... asking me to give him another chance.
But then he went to New York for a weekend and did it again. I told him how hurtful it was and he agreed that I didn't deserve that treatment.
He responded with " I love you. But I can't help it I'm a dog... I told you that. I can't help myself when I'm out I'm sorry. I don't like hurting you and I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't control it."
Can I believe that? I want to forgive him but I want his respect. I love him dearly...
If you want his respect - Then end it with him and walk away. If you stay, he won't respect you, infact all that will show him is, he can DO whatever he pleases and he'll know you'll take him back with open arms.
This guy has already told you he's incapable of being in a one on one relationship. He cheats.
He CAN control it, he just doesn't want to. Can we say committment phobe? Because that's what he is.
I understand that I'm not demanding respect. I'm having a hard time finding the strength to walk away. I don't want to leave him. As I said We have a great time with each other... but his infidelities are hurtful.
There really aren't that many good things in my life... he makes me happier than anyone. My life situations make it difficult to just leave.
Part of me hopes that if I do, he'll realize how hurtful he is and grow up.
But I don't want him out of my life... so I'm afraid. I don't know why I'm so weak with him... he's the first to be more in control (in the relationship) than I am. Usually it's the other way around.
Sorry shooks but he sounds like my buddy he also went on a trip to ny recently and got it on with 2 chicks and then told his gf as soon as he got back the saucy details. She's still with him.
Like him I myself can't help myself so many easy women out there willing to spread their legs just because I can say the right words and treat them like a million dollars *yawn* I'm just trying to unload literally.
I have a girl like you I can always depend on she knows I sleep with anything that moves (I always use a rubber unless I know the girls clean like my FWB) and for some reason she still sticks by me. She's kind of a walkover really maybe she doesn't think she'd find someone as hot as me and I guess it works out fine. If your happy with the trophy boyfriend and dont mind him sleeping around then there's no problem. If not get out now. Realise you are just a hole, it's just we give a little more care to girls like you unlike the 1 night holes.
Sorry shooks but he sounds like my buddy he also went on a trip to ny recently and got it on with 2 chicks and then told his gf as soon as he got back the saucy details. She's still with him.
Like him I myself can't help myself so many easy women out there willing to spread their legs just because I can say the right words and treat them like a million dollars *yawn* I'm just trying to unload literally.
I have a girl like you I can always depend on she knows I sleep with anything that moves (I always use a rubber unless I know the girls clean like my FWB) and for some reason she still sticks by me. She's kind of a walkover really maybe she doesn't think she'd find someone as hot as me and I guess it works out fine. If your happy with the trophy boyfriend and dont mind him sleeping around then there's no problem. If not get out now. Realise you are just a hole, it's just we give a little more care to girls like you unlike the 1 night holes.
oh brother...can't wait until the what goes around comes around LOL
looks have nothing to do with why stay with him... He is gorgeous, yes but I've been with hotter men who treat me like gold... there was just no chemistry. What my boyfriend and I have is better than I've ever experienced.. even with the cheating. We have the time of our lives when we go out together. I'm not saying I'm right to put up with it. I struggle with that everyday. Sometimes I feel pathetic.
Does forgiveness make me a "walkover"? There are things that I do, that I have a hard time controling. They even affect others at times. If my actions can be forgiven, then isn't it fair to at least try and understand?
Although I welcome all feedback, What I'm asking to those that cheat, is if it's possible to love someone and not control the urge to cheat. Can someone like this change his ways?
Smoothrider, I appreciate your feedback, but isn't calling women "holes" a little harsh. Every man has feelings whether he wants to admit it or not.
looks have nothing to do with why stay with him... He is gorgeous, yes but I've been with hotter men who treat me like gold... there was just no chemistry. What my boyfriend and I have is better than I've ever experienced.. even with the cheating. We have the time of our lives when we go out together. I'm not saying I'm right to put up with it. I struggle with that everyday. Sometimes I feel pathetic.
Does forgiveness make me a "walkover"? There are things that I do, that I have a hard time controling. They even affect others at times. If my actions can be forgiven, then isn't it fair to at least try and understand?
Although I welcome all feedback, What I'm asking to those that cheat, is if it's possible to love someone and not control the urge to cheat. Can someone like this change his ways?
Smoothrider, I appreciate your feedback, but isn't calling women "holes" a little harsh. Every man has feelings whether he wants to admit it or not.
Maybe he doesn't realise to them he's just a 'stick'
Although I welcome all feedback, What I'm asking to those that cheat, is if it's possible to love someone and not control the urge to cheat. Can someone like this change his ways?
Your boyfriend is not ready to be in a long term committed relationship. He may love you and care about you, but he doesn't want to be faithful, which is why his choice in cheating on you comes easily to him. He puts himself first. His needs first. Not you at all. While he is cheating you are not on his mind.
If you continue to take him back after he cheats on you, you are TELLING him it's OK to for him to cheat. He knows you'll take him back.
You aren't married to this guy, you don't live with him, you don't have children with him. No ties, so ask yourself why you are hanging onto him so tightly.
OP, men compartmentalize. He loves you in his own way, but perhaps is not "in love" with you. He simply does not have you on his mind when he is with other women. I believe it's actually socialized into males as part of a wider range of compartmental skills allowing us to battle and compete in life and still show a tender side to our loved ones.
If this man can/is able to engage his elemental emotions in a committed relationship with you, it would be exceedingly more difficult for him to compartmentalize cheating. As it is now, disclosure and contrition work, and men are pragmatic beasts
I won't give you any advice about what to do, because, coming from a man, it would have little meaning. I hope you find your truth
Relationship? Love? I don't see it. Right now, you don't even love yourself. If you feel pathetic about the "relationship", there is a reason for that. Trust your feelings and do something about it.
What my boyfriend and I have is better than I've ever experienced.. even with the cheating.
Trust me then, you haven't experienced anything yet. There is nothing good about a person cheating on you and disrespecting you the way your bf is doing. Don't you realize you deserve better than that? Why settle for this jerk; he completely disregards your feelings for his own enjoyment.
You asked if someone like this would change his ways; well why would he? Right now he has everything he wants: freedom of a single guy to have ONS's with whomever; and you, his loving gf, ready to take him anyway he is. Why would he respect you if you don't respect yourself?
Plus, with him out sleeping around, there is such a high probability of catching some STD and passing it on to you! Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, get out now, you deserve sooo much more.
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