For those of you who have read my post, it has been 1 year since I discovered my wife's EA with a man from Texas. To the best of my knowledge contact stopped the end of June last year. Yesterday she got a text from him saying....."Hey stranger. Been a long time.***** reunion is this weekend. Let me know how u r. I know text messaging is pretty sophisticated for kaintuki so call me".
I don't know if she has seen the message yet. I got her phone and looked at it without her knowing. What the hell is a kaintuki? I wanted to text him back but I didn't. I also am thinking about getting a pay as you go phone and texting him and tell him it's my new number so my husband won't know....then having some fun with him.
I need advice what should I do? Just wait and watch?
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I'm guessing you're from Kentucky...get it...kaintuki? It was a lame attempt on his part for humor.
I'd wait and watch...did your wife and you have an agreement that she would tell you if he tried contacting her again? If so...see if she honors that agreement or not.
Take action from there.
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i thought kentucky too and im not even american - i think he was saying it phonetically
dont bother playing games. text him back saying youre aware of the contact and could he cease and tell your wife what you did - if you feel that you have achieved some healing together then ask her how she feels about it, and communicate - if you feel you still have problems, then explain to her you wont stand for any contact
be honest and open, any suberfuge will take you steps back
But given all the doubts that have been plaguing POF, this is a chance for his wife to PROVE that she's still doing the right things.
Its not playing games...its waiting for her to do what she SHOULD do. Its giving her the opportunity to rebuild the trust she destroyed when she had the affair a year ago.
granted i dont know p's history, but surely texting the OM with a number saying its the wife isn't testing the wife its testing the om - and that doesnt prove anything
Last edited by BigBelm; 18th July 2008 at 12:52 PM.
I think that she needs to be the one to handle it. If she didn't tell him a year ago to never contact her again then she did not do what she said she did. I say the ball is in her court.
if this is the first contact in a year (and the text defo indicates that theres not been contact in a good while), he might be trying his luck rather than her being part of a new betrayal
if shes leaving her phone lying around then she wasnt expecting it, but the content of the message indicates that anyway
whats slightly more concerning is that she's not mentioned it to you - however, that could be less damning as she may well not want to create cause for further mistrust or revisit the issues, but ill read back through posts before commenting further
i really dont think its a good idea that you lure him into thinking a new pay as you go is her - it might well create a new mindset in you that she hasnt actively contributed to and the consequent development of your feelings towards her could be skewed by something she doesnt have a part in at this time, even if it was her actions that originally led you here
from your other thread - hope you dont mind me requoting it
Quote:
Originally Posted by Planofool
I hear you guys.
I just want to clear up that I have no proof of any kind that she has been unfaithful sexualy during our 27 yrs together. Yes she has had contacts through letters and phone calls but nothing I have found shows any physical contact. I know that if I found out otherwise I would be filing immediately. I could not take that after everything else.
So how do I get her to admit that she remembers who she slept with and confess? I want to know.
but did you say you could text him because of the above? im loathe to say this, but the one thing you can do with that number of his is potentially find the questions to the above
Are you suggesting I call him? I did last year but I was so mad when I called that basically I just threatened him. If you have read you will know they dated 27 yrs ago and that he is her 2nd cousin. I asked if they had sex and she said she didn't think so......that bad memory again.
Tell your wife, show her the message and let her know that you both are going to contact him and let him know NOT to contact your wife again and that if he does, HIS wife will be informed of him reaching out again to your wife.
This is guy feeling out the situation. A year has gone by and he wants to know if it's "safe" to talk to her - Maybe restart the A, or have an EA with her again.
I don't believe that she has a bad memory, she's just not wanting to come clean.
i was wondering what you were going to do with the number P - what did you think you could achieve by texting him? After reading the other thread, i thought you were going to text him pretending to be your wife and say something like 'i miss having sex with you'
theres so many unanswered questions, even though i kinda feel that the only way forwards to creating trust between you is to be honest and open with each other - but shes not being honest with you, and you cant have one way honesty and expect the same results as if you had reciprocal honesty, it seems youre a long way down the line from ever having had that. Given the number of question marks, and her controlling behaviour, and this bloke and her watching porn, i personally dont think id need answers - i wouldn t want to be in that environment, but i havent been married for 27 years so i cant profess to understand what its like in your shoes. What you do say is that you'd divorce her in a flash if you knew shed had sex with him - you can either accept you wont find that out, carry on as suspicious as you are, or use this to find out.
i do feel that if she hadn't had sex with him, she wouldn't have said she couldn't remember as you mentioned on the other thread, she'd had said she didn't.
I don't really think you're going to get any truths from her as she's found an alibi in her memory. But I'm really not comfortable advising you to text him and pretend to be her though.
what was said by him when you called him? you don't actually know they had anything past an exchange of letters and no affair was alluded too, so what did you accuse him of? and how did he react? he's not got much respect by contacting her if he knew that's how you felt.
I called when I found out they had been talking on the cell phone non stop for three months. Supposedly they haven't seen each other for 27 yrs.
I knew he would try and contact her he is a SNAKE OF A MAN with no woman. What I am saying is that she must have left the door open the last time they talked. According to the phone records they talked for 19 minutes and she was to have told him that they were done. He has waited 1 year.
When I talked to him he said I was blowing it out of proportion that she was only helping him get through some hard times. He doesn't know I have since found all the letters he wrote her over the years. I have even found the gifts and most of the pictures he sent her.
For those of you who have read my post, it has been 1 year since I discovered my wife's EA with a man from Texas. To the best of my knowledge contact stopped the end of June last year. Yesterday she got a text from him saying....."Hey stranger. Been a long time.***** reunion is this weekend. Let me know how u r. I know text messaging is pretty sophisticated for kaintuki so call me".
I don't know if she has seen the message yet. I got her phone and looked at it without her knowing. What the hell is a kaintuki? I wanted to text him back but I didn't. I also am thinking about getting a pay as you go phone and texting him and tell him it's my new number so my husband won't know....then having some fun with him.
I need advice what should I do? Just wait and watch?
Do not contact him and do not tell her he tried to contact her. All you will be doing is showing your hand - she will feel excited that he stills cares and he just may work harder to talk to her.
I say - do nothing - watch, listen, and document - but, don't let anyone know you know.
I called when I found out they had been talking on the cell phone non stop for three months. Supposedly they haven't seen each other for 27 yrs.
I knew he would try and contact her he is a SNAKE OF A MAN with no woman. What I am saying is that she must have left the door open the last time they talked. According to the phone records they talked for 19 minutes and she was to have told him that they were done. He has waited 1 year.
When I talked to him he said I was blowing it out of proportion that she was only helping him get through some hard times. He doesn't know I have since found all the letters he wrote her over the years. I have even found the gifts and most of the pictures he sent her.
not necessarily. he might just be trying his luck - there is some consistency in their stories as they both deny a physical affair, but they would
to be fair though P., if theres that many letters, and they had conducted a physical affair, or ever had sex, i'm pretty sure it would have been referred to within those letters but this apparent lack of memory is troubling me - its a way of refusing to deal with the issues and youve said before she says what's in the past is now past - its not if it still bubbles up to bite you on the arse and its something ive said in my past to avoid having to deal with issues. Its a perfect alibi to stop her having to actually deal with things - that in itself is indication of the lack of emotional closeness between you, or an indication of the lack of unraveling the issues
what do you want from all this? whats your ideal? do you want to find out what happened, or do you want to just be able to trust her, or do you want to just put this in the past with some peace of mind? what is it you actually want?
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