[KATANYA]

I have not posted on this particular forum before but think this is where this question belongs.

One of my girlfriends and I are at odds over an incident that happened between her and a man she has been seeing (although not exclusive for either of them) for about a year. Both she and he are very independent, financially well off and do well for themselves. They have exchanged some very nice presents in their time seeing each other. She has impectable taste in her gifts to him and he has purchased her some very nice things however he has always had her with him when he has purchased things. Example being her birthday she picked out the necklace she wanted and he bought it, for Christmas she picked out a birthstone ring and he bought it....never an issue of money he has lots of it and never seemed to mind spending it. Indeed he buys himself very VERY nice clothes and is generous with others - he does not scrimp and has expensive taste.

That being said he missed a very special occassion that he was supposed to be at with my friend and, by way of making it up to her, told her while he was away on a business trip he would buy her something nice to make it up to her. The day before his return he called her and told her she had everything and he had no idea what to get and to give him some ideas. She told him to buy something that caught his eye and reminded him of her. When he returned, he presented her with a small box - not wrapped but with a small gold bow on top. To make a long story short it contained an obviously cheap necklace that you would possibly see a high school girl wearing with a prom dress. Two rings of "diamonds" with a band of 'diamonds' holding them together on a chain that was 'silver' but showing a black ting on each link. The clasp was huge. In all fairness to the necklace, I'm sure he must have spent about $20 to $30 which he would dump easy on a good pair of underwear without blinking an eye!

So my friend is heartbroken, she says not because she wants gold and diamonds she can buy those herself, but because he seemed to have given no thought in picking out a present and bought something so cheap and gawdy. She feels it reflects how very little he actually thinks of her. While I understand her point, I think she should lighten up given the number of great things he has bought her in the past. I have no idea why he would buy such a cheap present but dont think I would give it much thought other than to say thanks and move on. But thats' me. She doesnt see it that way at all and really feels maybe its time to cut ties with him.

I'm obviously not seeing the BIG picture as she says so I told her about this site and now we are both curious to see what others think.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm not certain why she's broken-hearted. She picked out the last two presents so of course, they're to her taste. Must he have the same taste? Those are BIG expectations for a man. It's like a man expecting a woman to pick exactly the kind of short ram intake he wants...

[KATANYA]

LMAO....I don't even know what a short ram intake is so he'd be getting the cheapest ones!!!! That's my position, he bought a knock off present because he saw it and thought it was cute! Doesn't mean he thinks she"s not worth more just didn't know what to get and picked up 'something'! In all fairness, has he bought nothing would she feel any better, she says yes! I say she'd feel bad either way. I think her issue is he brought back gifts for others that were less significant people and the presents were VERY expensive(ie. bought an expesnive golf club for a guy that he golfs with but has known for only a few months and doesnt socialize with other than the weekly golf tourneys they do and bought a watch for his sister for her birthday that was apparently VERY nice and expensive so he obviously was a jewellery stores that sold nice things.) What he bought for her was not something I would think he would even expect she would wear EVER! She knows her jewellery and has exquisite pieces worth a great deal of money.

I told her just to make sure she was with him next time but she doesn't share my humor!

[Trialbyfire]

That being said he missed a very special occassion that he was supposed to be at with my friend and, by way of making it up to her, told her while he was away on a business trip he would buy her something nice to make it up to her. The day before his return he called her and told her she had everything and he had no idea what to get and to give him some ideas. She told him to buy something that caught his eye and reminded him of her.

This is what makes me have little sympathy for her. The guy was already under the gun for missing something. He tried to get some ideas of what she might like. She put even more pressure on him by telling him to figure it out but it had better suit her!

Truth-be-told if I were her, I would have said while I appreciate the thought, not to worry about it. If she really wanted something, she should have been specific since he asked.

Who knows, he may have done it on purpose so she'll give him a clue next time.

[KATANYA]

Good point TrialbyFire....I didn't think to say that but really if you are given the opportunity to have imput and you dont then you are really left with what you get and you shouldnn't complain!

[Lyssa]

Originally Posted by KATANYA

I didn't think to say that but really if you are given the opportunity to have imput and you dont then you are really left with what you get and you shouldnn't complain!

Yup and this whole thing shouldn't be a reason for her to cut ties with him.

Next time, tell him specifically what she wants. Take a brochure with her would help too

[stoopid_guy]

Your friend has to realize something about men: We have no taste.

Could this piece be antique, or "retro?" Is it unusual? He may actually have put a lot of thought into it.

From her reaction, he's better off without her so please encourage her to leave him.

[Ronni_W]

Originally Posted by stoopid_guy

Your friend has to realize something about men: We have no taste.

How about you DO have taste...just for very different things than us women?

I would suspect that this poor guy probably stressed more over spending this "$30" than he ever would have, spending $300...or $3,000 on something the lady chose.

He has obviously already proven that it's not the MONEY that is important to him - he just enjoys nice things and apparently, wants his lady friends to enjoy nice things, too. To him, "nice" is "nice", most likely. "Nice" isn't $300 and "nice" isn't $3. "Nice" is just what catches his fancy...and then he gives the salesclerk whatever he or she says that he needs to give, so that he can have it.

Not that he doesn't value money, just that he doesn't think in terms of price, when it comes to the objects and services he desires or meet his needs. Most likely.

In any event, who gets/expects expensive gifts because some poor individual missed some freakin' event, no matter how special it may have been to the other person???
The recipient of the "bad" gift could have said, "Oh, don't be silly - you don't owe me anything like a gift - I totally know that you would have made it to my important function if you could have."