I have been married 2nd time round for 10 years. We have a busy life, both playing sports with long and conflicting work patterns. We can go for several days seeing little of each other but often go out together and share a lot of the same friends. So it all looks ok.
But although I love my wife it all seems one way. She never says she loves me, often ignores me (keeps her eyes in a book or on the TV) when I go to bed or come home from work. Sex is 6-8 times a year and is not important to her and she makes a big deal when I get upset that she says no again. I get accused of counting and being asked why is it so important?
I have a vasectomy so it was with some surprise that I found condoms in her handbag. We spoke about this and she admitted that it looks bad but said they had been there a long time, could not remember how they got there and she probably got them for her daughter. Oh and she isn't having an affair. We agreed to work at it more.
A few weeks later and nothing has changed. To be honest her time is so busy that she would not have time for an affair but with shift work you can always make time ???
If we were "dating" rather than married i'll call it a day but with commitments and children it is complicated. Any thoughts or is it just me?
What did you agree to workk at more? It isn't clear...did you agree to work at your marriage...your sex life? Your sex life (6 to 8 times per year) is a huge red flag.
Can you talk to her? How did she react when you showed her the condoms? Did she respond calmly or did she get into a rapid denial? I can usually tell when my wife is lying by the way she responds to things.
To be honest I was so mad I woke her up. She was angry to be woken and angrey I looked. I went out to my sons football training and came back and we spoke. She denied having an affair (not ever having an affair) and said if she was she would't leave them there (which is reasonable) However she was vague and this is always a sign of lying.
We agreed to talk more, support each other more and be more attentive. Not much has changed and sex is still an issue. Frankly she does not want to do it and prefers to do anything else.
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Originally Posted by soda
The condoms would have perked up my radar.
What did you agree to workk at more? It isn't clear...did you agree to work at your marriage...your sex life? Your sex life (6 to 8 times per year) is a huge red flag.
Can you talk to her? How did she react when you showed her the condoms? Did she respond calmly or did she get into a rapid denial? I can usually tell when my wife is lying by the way she responds to things.
I have been married 2nd time round for 10 years. We have a busy life, both playing sports with long and conflicting work patterns. We can go for several days seeing little of each other but often go out together and share a lot of the same friends. So it all looks ok.
But although I love my wife it all seems one way. She never says she loves me, often ignores me (keeps her eyes in a book or on the TV) when I go to bed or come home from work. Sex is 6-8 times a year and is not important to her and she makes a big deal when I get upset that she says no again. I get accused of counting and being asked why is it so important?
I have a vasectomy so it was with some surprise that I found condoms in her handbag.
Well the last part was just icing on the cake. I'd say she is cheating. Why would she have condoms if you had a vasectomy?
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We spoke about this and she admitted that it looks bad but said they had been there a long time, could not remember how they got there and she probably got them for her daughter. Oh and she isn't having an affair. We agreed to work at it more.
She is full of s##t man. She is feeding you a line of bull. don't you believe it.
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A few weeks later and nothing has changed. To be honest her time is so busy that she would not have time for an affair but with shift work you can always make time ???
don't get sucked into that line of thinking either. Cheaters will MAKE time.
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If we were "dating" rather than married i'll call it a day but with commitments and children it is complicated. Any thoughts or is it just me?
Is she on the computer? does she have texting. Maybe you need to do some snooping? (ya I know...but bish, that is a horrible invasion of privacy).......tough toenails.
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I jussa lil bish
She is up to no good. The condoms, well, maybe she hasn't used any (yet) or is close to using them. Either way, you two need to sort this out, get to marriage counselling and reconnect again, fix whatever problems are going on in the marriage, what needs aren't being met.
She denied having an affair (not ever having an affair) and said if she was she would't leave them there (which is reasonable) However she was vague and this is always a sign of lying.
that is a form of Gas Lighting...
Gaslighting: It involves an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to the subject, having the gradual effect of making the victim anxious, confused, and less able to trust his or her own memory and perception.
I would keep my radar up if I was you. Trust your gut instincts.
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theres 3 sides to every story: yours, thiers and the truth
the condoms are suspect, esp. since she makes no effort to communicate with you AND the fact that you've had your Vas-D tied ... something is fishy here.
because while I completely understand how a spouse can get so tied up in a project (my case, my nose is in a book more often than not, and DH knows better than to try to initiate a conversation if I grunt at him, lol), you don't completely ignore someone unless you just don't want to be around that person ...
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
If you had a vascectomy about 10 years ago and are married 10 years, I find it beyond belief that your wife has not cleaned out her purse in all those years and just as hard to believe that she is using the same purse!
Check that out and...
Let he purse do the talking....
EXP 12 2011 seems pretty fresh to me, like they were bought very recently.
I guess they could be for her daughter....but why? Is her daughter too young to get her own condoms, or something?
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