My W told me last week that she's taking me on a trip to San Francisco in October for a birthday surprise (my birthday). She wasn't going to tell me until time for the trip, but she needed to save up $2000 for motel, car rental, etc., so she decided that she had to let me in on it so that we could reduce expenses in order to be able to save up the $2,000.
W's daughter gave her two tickets to anywhere from her frequent flier miles, so the transportation costs are paid for. Originally this was to be for W's birthday in April.
W and her daughter have planned the trip to a T and have made all the reservations and everything. Every day is completely planned.
I acted like I was very happy, while inside I am very hurt and angry that she would leave me out of the planning completely. She claims that it's for my birthday, but a trip to Northern CA has always been her dream, not mine.
I think that since she's planning to spend $2,000 of OUR money, I should have been in on the discussion of where we were going and what we were going to do once we got there. If I had, I would have probably agreed to go to San Francisco, because I know W has been wanting to go there for years, even though it would not have been my first choice. However, to be left out of the loop completely really, really bothers me.
My questions is this: Am I being oversensitive? Is it normal for a W to plan to spend $2,000 on a vacation and not even consult her H about it until the plans are all made? Should I be as angry, hurt and upset as I am? Or should I be extremely happy that she's doing that as a surprise for me on my birthday?
normally - a vacation is good excuse to get away together and reconnect with each other.
most couples in a healthy relationship plan to do activities that are fun and enjoy the experience together.
they also normally hope to keep the physical bond going - so that implies more sex while away. you can take this opportunity to make it more fun for both of you!
seems like it's all good - as long as that's your intention as well...
I'd agree...I wouldn't be hurt by this, unless there were some specific reason I wouldn't want to go to the area she'd planned on. I'd only be upset if she appeared to have some ulterior motive behind the trip that I wasn't aware of...like meeting up with family I didn't like or something.
Could be a LOT worse...she could have been planning on going on this trip WITHOUT you.
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It's cool that she wanted to plan everything out but this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by gullible
She claims that it's for my birthday, but a trip to Northern CA has always been her dream, not mine.
...is lame. I would have been bothered by that part too if I were you. I once had a gf (now an ex) who took me on a trip to somewhere she wanted to go for my birthday rather than somewhere I wanted to go. It's definitely selfish. It's doing something for yourself under the guise of doing it for someone else.
For my current gf's recent birthday I took her somewhere she wanted to go. It was her call.
does it bother you more because of the location, or because she kept it a secret for so long? Either way, talk to her about how you feel. If you really don't want to go, and if you really want to make a point about her inconsiderate behavior, flat-out refuse. After all, this should be about you, since it's your supposed gift.
though I think I envy you right now: this trip has the potential to be a lot of fun, and I wouldn't let your hurt feelings get in the way. If it was intended as a surprise, why would she let you in on what she was planning?
again, you really need to talk to her if you allow this to eat at you ...
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
I hope I don't get bashed for this but stop being such a "woman." Sheesh. She's using tickets that YOU don't have to pay for that were given to her by HER daughter, right?
Relax and enjoy yourself. I can't imagine my H saying such things if I planned a surprise like this for him. Even if he knew it was a place I wanted to visit.
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Has the garbage been taken out yet?
Thanks for all the comments. I guess everyone else thinks I'm wrong to feel this way. To me half of the fun of a trip is the planning and anticipation, and I was completely left out of that.
I acted like I was very happy, while inside I am very hurt and angry that she would leave me out of the planning completely.
Uhh, she did all this to surprise you! No malciousness, selfishness or meaness here, she did all this out of love and making you happy.
Please enjoy the trip. So what if you weren't included in the planning..Again, she did this wonderful thing out of love, not to make you feel bad and not included.
Thanks for all the comments. I guess everyone else thinks I'm wrong to feel this way. To me half of the fun of a trip is the planning and anticipation, and I was completely left out of that.
gullible, are you accustomed to running the show within your relationship?
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