I'm sure this may have been addresses before but never the less I need advise.
Last night I found out that my husband went to a strip club while we were engaged. I had asked him a couple of times in the past if he had ever been to one while we have been together and he has said "no" everytime. Even last night he lied and said "no" at first untill he finally admitted it. While he was trying to explain he kept saying that he didn't want to go, but went with them anyways. He also said he was only there 20 minutes. I believe he is still lieing to me.
I have never felt the way I do right now. I feel betrayed. He lied to me, kept a secret, and knowingly did something that he knew would bother me. I just dont understand why he would do this when he know that I am self concious about my self enough as it is.
On top of that he is alway accusing me/ suggesting in different ways that I am cheating. They say that when a person does that it means they are the ones with a guilty concious.
I have never felt the way I do right now. I feel betrayed. He lied to me, kept a secret, and knowingly did something that he knew would bother me. I just dont understand why he would do this when he know that I am self concious about my self enough as it is. .
Is this relationship really worth staying in? If there are no kids, this is the time to get out. I would take a break from your marriage and evaluate your situation. If you want to stay, then you have a lot of work to do.
oh hun. I would hate to break it to you but guys don't just go to strip clubs to "watch" as they say and strippers are there to make money so they'll try to get money from any sucker they seen (sorry boys- they're just not into you) and I'm pretty sure your husband wasn't dragged and beaten to enter the XX building. I say start counting your money (salaries you recieve) because I'm pretty sure a few weeks from now your going to be like "where the heck is that 50$?"...
When a guy is always saying "oh your cheating on me" and playing the blame game TRUTHFULLY they are hiding something TRUST ME! My husband did the exact same thing always telling me I was the one doing things when I was not and guess what he was hiding something!
Confront the man, although when I did my husband swore up and down he didn't do anything! So if all else fails find proof- be your own detective- if you want answers and he's not giving them to you straight you have two choices my dear:
1-find out for yourself: be your own detective find out stuff for yourself!
2- Leave the relationship: It's not worth wasting all your time on a man who is leaving you out like that.
--- I want to ask: what are his other behaviours, does he get easily upset with you? Is there anything out there that could be a rad flag?
Goodluck and keep us posted!
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
He lied to me, kept a secret, and knowingly did something that he knew would bother me. I just dont understand why he would do this when he know that I am self concious about my self enough as it is.
All humans lie and if they say they don't, they are lying, in denial, or delusional.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fadinglove
On top of that he is alway accusing me/ suggesting in different ways that I am cheating. They say that when a person does that it means they are the ones with a guilty concious.
Do you think you are more attractive than he is or more outgoing?
--- I want to ask: what are his other behaviours, does he get easily upset with you? Is there anything out there that could be a rad flag?
Goodluck and keep us posted!
We argue a lot. He gets mad easily but so do I. I take care of everything around the house. His only responsibility is to feed the dogs. I handle the bills, cooking, shopping, etc. I feel like he is so unappreciative.
When I do ask him to do something he says i'm nagging and bitching at him. He blames me for the way he acts. "If you wern't such a bitch I wouldn't ________" (insert what ever fits at the time)
He says I don't love him because I don't want to have sex all the time. When really the reason is because I am mad and fustrated with him, thus making me not want to be near him.
He drinks too much and drives home drunk. He feels like he doesn't have a problem and that its okay to keep doing what he is doing.
The only thing I see that your husband did wrong was lie to you.
Going to a strip club while engaged is not um-common now and days.
Personally, I don't see any difference in a strip club compared to some billboards internet ads, or store displays.....how do you feel that he has no choice BUT to look at that stuff??
This isn't an issue that constitutes negating your vows, let along divorce.....
No man deserves to call you names, and no man goes to a strip club if he really doesn't want to go.
Sorry, much luck.
__________________
*Nicole*
"Where the gun is cocked and the bullet's cold,
Where the miles are marked in the blood and gold,
I'll meet you further on up the road."
My husband went to a strip club while we were engaged (and I was four months pregnant). He too lied about it, but I noticed a rather large withdrawal of money from our bank account to some DJ company. I called the bank and they gave me the real name, which was a strip club.
I was livid! Not only because he had lied, but because from day ONE of our relationship I had told him I would never, ever be okay with him going to a strip club and he said he agreed with me and that no man in a relationship should need to go and that he wouldn't.
Anyway. . I considered leaving him. Being pregnant made the decision more difficult and he swore that he too was dragged there, had no lap dances, and pretty much sat in a corner and drank a few beers.
Years later, he begins an EA with another woman. The man he went to the strip club with (who happens to be a relative of mine) and I were talking and I was telling him about the EA and how upset I was. He told me that he had something he felt he needed to tell me, and that was that my husband had spent the money (husband claimed he borrowed it to relative) and had disappeared with a stripper for two hours and left him there. Says he never told me because he felt bad for going with my husband in the first place, and that he didn't want to upset me any further because I was pregnant and very emotional already.
So I confronted my husband. He admitted to lap dances, but denies that he went off with a stripper.
But he denied going in the first place, then denied the lap dances, now denies being alone with stripper for hours. How can I believe him?
I honestly wish sometimes I would have left him when I first found out. It was a major red flag but I chose to ignore it because I was afraid of being pregnant and on my own.
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