[MissJ]

A friend Ive known for about 10 years is now talking to my X boyfriend. My X and I were together for 12 years. my friend and her boyfriend had been together for about the same amount of time and they have 2 kids. Well now...that her and her boyfriend are breaking up. Shes been telling me that shes been talking to my x. She says its nothing more than talking because My X tells her everything about what hers is doing. Oh and that he just cares about her kids since we have all been friends for so long.

Basically, In my opinion as MY Friend, she should not be hanging out with him or talking to him on the phone daily. She says that he just understands that her boyfriend is a jerk, and that she needs to not go back with him..... the CATCH... her boyfriend is BEST FRIENDS with my X.

So in your oppinion... is something more than "fishining for info" going on here? Or do you think they are possible seeing each other, and shes just trying to lightly break the news to me?

I recently got into a discussion with her, and told her that she was dissapointing me as a friend. That I am totally happy in my current relationship but that I thought she was crossing a friend line, and it was weird. That when I broke up with my X. I NEVER talked nor hung out with her boyfriend, and we were all 4 really good friends.

Is this a friend? Or should I just cut my losses and realize... weither its "more" than just stricktly a friendship.. its going to be uncomfortable for me to hear, since she tells me everyword for word. And just WALK AWAY!

Say good bye to both of them.. and if they end up together.. let them screw each other over. Its just... she KNOWS his past.. and how he treated me. So are they just using each other for info... or are they trying to make something here. I guess its hard to pin point. UGH!

[Ronni_W]

Tough one.
I can see how your ex is providing her with something she needs, related to her prior relationship. (Possibly those are unhealthy needs, but nonetheless.) Her emotional needs are NOT about you or your history with this guy, who happens to be your ex -- to me it sounds as if she could be basically just using him for the info that he can provide her.

And I can see how it would feel rather 'icky' to you, regardless of her unhealthy needs being met, and regardless that your ex is a jerk-twit for breaking his supposedly "best" friend's confidences to her.
Sounds like he (your ex) is also using her to meet whatever unhealthy (emotional) crap is going on for him, really.

Maybe ask the girl what it is that she's hoping to get out of having info on her ex? - how is that helping her move forward? - maybe she would be better off with a therapist?

In the end, if this friendship isn't working for you (and I can see why it wouldn't be) then, yes, you do have responsibility to yourself to not put up with the negative impact of others' dysfunctions and maladaptions. Yes, you may want to consider that this friendship has run its course.

[confused and broken]

Originally Posted by MissJ

A friend Ive known for about 10 years is now talking to my X boyfriend. My X and I were together for 12 years. my friend and her boyfriend had been together for about the same amount of time and they have 2 kids. Well now...that her and her boyfriend are breaking up. Shes been telling me that shes been talking to my x. She says its nothing more than talking because My X tells her everything about what hers is doing. Oh and that he just cares about her kids since we have all been friends for so long.

Basically, In my opinion as MY Friend, she should not be hanging out with him or talking to him on the phone daily. She says that he just understands that her boyfriend is a jerk, and that she needs to not go back with him..... the CATCH... her boyfriend is BEST FRIENDS with my X.

So in your oppinion... is something more than "fishining for info" going on here? Or do you think they are possible seeing each other, and shes just trying to lightly break the news to me?

I recently got into a discussion with her, and told her that she was dissapointing me as a friend. That I am totally happy in my current relationship but that I thought she was crossing a friend line, and it was weird. That when I broke up with my X. I NEVER talked nor hung out with her boyfriend, and we were all 4 really good friends.

Is this a friend? Or should I just cut my losses and realize... weither its "more" than just stricktly a friendship.. its going to be uncomfortable for me to hear, since she tells me everyword for word. And just WALK AWAY!

Say good bye to both of them.. and if they end up together.. let them screw each other over. Its just... she KNOWS his past.. and how he treated me. So are they just using each other for info... or are they trying to make something here. I guess its hard to pin point. UGH!

In my opinion no matter what is going on at this point she is not putting your friendship on a very high priority...
You girl friends are suppose to be there supporting you...
For example my best friend said if she ever saw my ex she would spit in his face... that is way over the top but you get the picture