[wierdmunky]

Okae here is my sob story, I keep telling myself over and over that I suck. In everything. Mostly when I mess up or do something wrong. If it happens at work Im usually depressto by the time I get home. I think it's really doing something to myself esteem and I can't seem to make myself think otherwise.

If I feel someone proud of anything of myself I always have this urge to tell myself I should be humble about this blah blah. Everytime I tell someone close to me how I really feel about myself they always say that I shouldn't of course, your great, amazing and everything and I just don't buy into that. I'll be like yeahhhh if you only knew what just happened.

Im in stuck in the perfectionist cycle. I know I'm not perfect. But if I don't try to keep being perfect then there just seems to be no room for improvement, and I'm all about improvement. ESP when it comes to work and I want to move upward. I know its damaging to tell yourself such negative things but its one way to keep me on my toes to get better without thinking im turning into a cocky arrogant who knows they are good at what they do.

I also have a problem with caring about what ppl think. I never used to have this problem and I wonder if its from my parents. Not that I want to auto. blame them. But they have labeled me, put me down and pointed me out as a failure and have said they are failures as parents to me. They've blamed me for a family illness, criticize and compare me, and complain to me about money and my little brother.

They keep putting me down and I know I should be smart enough to know that that is just their way and they wont change, but part of our culture is to take care of our family and be there for our families which I hold close to myself, as well as being able to take care of myself and its a tug-of-war. I dont want there to be a fall out in our relationship if I say I want to move out and be responsible for just my own self, I feel as if they would distance themselves from me.

I find it hard to be supportive in the family illness, and I know its selfish of me to try to just think of myself in such a situation, but I don't feel close. I do what I can but I feel like my younger sibling will always get a little closer because she went to college, and they are more accepting of her.

any advise to what I can do about the negative thoughts ??

[josie54]

I've found that regular meditation is the best way to break the cycle of negative thoughts. The practice itself doesn't "fix" you--don't expect miracles--but it does help quiet and focus your mind so that you have the energy and skills to turn your thoughts to the positive during the rest of your day. During some meditations, you can focus on positive thoughts for that time period, which also affects you positively for the rest of your day.

I'd recommend that you check out some books on meditation from your library and see if 5 or 10 minutes a day for a few weeks, might help. You can work up to 20 or 30 minutes. It really is calming and helps you redirect negative thoughts in a more positive direction. It also helps you let go of the negative that's going on around you and of those things over which you have no control.

(Also, if you're about to say, "I can't meditate!", remember that meditation isn't a perfect science. You will have thoughts intrude. The act of meditation is simply in letting each thought slip away and bringing yourself back to some point of focus--a number count, a mantra, a candle flame, your breath, an internal image, whatever you choose. You also won't get the most benefit from just one session. It needs to be practiced regularly--ideally daily, even if just for a few minutes--to truly be of benefit.)

As to the other part of your post, regarding your family's treatment of you, that's a much more difficult situation, and is most likely the primary factor in your negative thoughts of yourself. I'm not sure of all the details of your family situation, your culture, or the illness you refer to. But I actually WOULD move out and limit the time I spend with them. I'm also not sure of your age, but it would have to happen eventually, one way or another. There's no reason to put yourself in a situation to constantly be criticized, family or not. You may be better off with some distance between you.

If you feel they would completely cut themselves off from you, that's a complex family dynamic that runs pretty deep, and that probably can't be dealt with on this forum. A therapist could better advise you on the right course of action. You need to know how to better deflect their hurtful comments and better understand why they say what they say. It probably has more to do with them and their pasts than it does with anything you've done. But if you've heard these comments for a lifetime, it's going to take a while for you to break free of that influence and realize that what they say is not true.

Good luck--I know you can break from that negative thought cycle. Like anything hard, it just takes practice.