I posted this last night and kept getting a girls advice that was probably still in highschool which I'm not so I don't need any of that to get an answer, I'm a female I get how the mind works for my side, but I need a guys insight to this one!
I have been really close to this guy for the last 6 years. We're practically best friends at this point. We get along and are like two peas in a pod. We talk about almost everything, we have the same humor, we think a lot a like, and we are always there for each other, even when we can't be, we find ways. Ever since I was 16 and he was 18, we've been flirty with one another. I'm 21 and he is 23 currently, and in the last 3-4 years something has happened. 3 years ago we got entangled in a situation, that ultimatly hurt two other people we we're seeing at the time, yet it happened for some reason. Then earlier this year, we hung out, alone, talked for almost 3 hours straight, but while we talked, he complimented me, alot, saying how awesome i am, that I'm very beautiful, that I'm very intelligent and mentioned that the sexiest thing about me is my mind, and he flirted with me, touching me and sort of play fight with me like he did when we we're in hs. But then before he left he hugged me atleast 4-5 times and then got touchy feely when he hugged me and sort of kissed my neck twice when he hugged me. Then we tells me he has to think with his head, but he would have loved to stay, but had to work in the morning. But I did something, i kissed him, he kissed me back though, not once, but twice! The second time happened after we stopped the first time and we ended up talking and then he stands in front of me and takes both of his hands and grabs my face gently and kisses me deeply. He left a little after that. But then 2 weeks later he ends up dating someone, someone I know, that he is friends with. Then recently, I asked him if he ever wanted something more in high school with me, more then just hooking up, and he told me he did. Now, I'm unsure what is going with him and the friendship we have, because on top of that, I used to have a small crush on him when i was 16, but it faded, but after that kiss, it sparked something again, and now I have feelings for him.
Well during the time we kissed and he started dating someone, I went through a terrible thing, I lost my aunt to breast cancer and I was very vulnerable. I did however believe I latched onto the situation (drank and drunk texted him) and ultimately gave him the wrong idea (my opinion), and i apologized to him about it and he understood, but also told me thats why nothing could happen. Do you think he started dating the other girl, because I wasn't emotionally stable at the time and was too vulnerable that he would feel as though he would of been taking advantage of me? I asked him if things would have been different, he never responded back to me. Do you think he was avoiding it because its too late or because he thinks I already know the answer to that? Also this guys has been there for me in the past, when i had food problems he stood by my side till i got better, when a then boyfriend at the time was an jerk to me and cheered me up, he was on the phone a lot with me even when he was away @ basic training and getting further training down in texas. On top of that its more complicated too, his uncle has been best friends with my dad since they were in highschool themselves. So as you can see its not easy as drop the idea and leave it at friendship at this point in time. So all the guys out there what do you think?
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Albert Camus once wrote, "Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They shall never be broken." But I wonder.... If there's no breaking, then there's no healing. And if there's no healing, then there is no learning. And if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. But the struggle is a part of life, So must all hearts be broken?
Well I think its very hard for us to know what he's thinking based solely on your interpretation of events.
Quote:
I did however believe I latched onto the situation (drank and drunk texted him) and ultimately gave him the wrong idea (my opinion), and i apologized to him about it and he understood, but also told me thats why nothing could happen
So he thinks that you consider the kissing a mistake? that could explain why he backed away.
I could be wrong, but this guy may have had or still has genuine feelings for you and it's your indecisiveness thats putting him off.
You two should have had a straight-up discussion about a potential romantic relationship instead of this "what could have been" stuff". The fact that he is now seeing someone REALLY complicates things ...you may have missed the boat i'm sorry. I know how that feels
Why don't you compose like someone who has graduated from high school & you may get more responses.
Also, someone who has high expectations is not high maintenance. Someone who has low expectations doesn't value themselves very much. That's just sad to actually hear someone admit.
Why don't you compose like someone who has graduated from high school & you may get more responses.
Also, someone who has high expectations is not high maintenance. Someone who has low expectations doesn't value themselves very much. That's just sad to actually hear someone admit.
Well actually the thing is that I use to have high expectations and it eventually led me to really never get any guys. It also led me to jerks, like the last three guys I dated that were intelligent, funny, and highly good looking. So basically either way its a catch-22. Anyway, will you get off your high horse and show some respect??? Cause with that attitude you seem like the girl that a)never gets laid or b)have many guy problems either ending in the guy leaving you for some other girl or telling you "its not you, its me" syndrome, OR you are the type of girl that never gets the guy you crush on. Either way, by dissing me and not giving advice, since this is an advice website not a diss that girl website, you need to evaluate what you say before you type and approve your material on this thread. Anyway, to the guy above, thank you for being honest and not like this girl here, that whys i get along better with guys as a side note. Also i ASKED FOR A GUYS OPINION not a FEMALES perspective on the situation, thats what made me choose to make a new thread in the first place. If I wanted a females opinion, like my own, I would ask for it, but being I asked for a GUYS opinion not a general slang term as a general way of saying everyone, so why don't you stop using this attitude like your in HIGHSHOOL, and act your own age. Anyway, back to the guy above, your probably right, I did miss my chance, but as history goes with him, he always comes back. Thats why three years ago we hooked up while we where both in relationships with other people. My only concern is that he will get that light bulb thing where he realizes he is too late and tried to sabotage something good I have with someone. The other thing is that I may actually be falling for him this time, which is why its harder to let go. I want to let go, I do, i think it would be best, even my best friend who is best friends with him thinks i should, but its the history I'm hung up on that makes it hard to live and let live kind of thing. Whats worse is he has this pattern with me. He tends to come back to me, hanging out, constant talking, wanting to be around me, after every girl he gets involved with or dates or is in a relationship with. I sometimes wonder if he is just holding off till he gets done with all these girls and choose to settle with me in a serious way, cause we have this connection where we can look at one another and know just by a look and that why I get this feeling he is holding out till he is ready for the big time with me. If it sounds crazy, then say so, but I get this strange feeling that he is. Plus I'm the only one where if he is bs'ing me, I can call him on it and he told me once that I'm one of the few that can and thats why he can't lie to me, which is why he never answered my questioned where I asked him if things were different he would want to be with me. Anyway, if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it, you seem to know what your talking about. Also his mind is like mine, some people say I'm like the female version of him or he is the male version of me basically, in other words, we're too much alike down to the way we handle things emotionally.
*oh lastly I've been drinking. I had about 4 drinks by now. so either way, being that i formulated all that has nothing to do with graduating highschool and being of age, it has to do with common sense and reason, thank you!*
Last edited by vanilla87; 5th July 2008 at 3:55 AM.
since this is an advice website not a diss that girl website, you need to evaluate what you say before you type and approve your material on this thread.
I've been drinking. I had about 4 drinks by now. so either way, being that i formulated all that has nothing to do with graduating highschool and being of age, it has to do with common sense and reason, thank you!
Great attitude you have there as a noob to LS. That will make the guys swoon & swarm around your irresistible charm with advice.
I shall bow out of your thread. Let the "guys opinions" that flood in supporting you & your drunken ramblings prove me wrong about how you should compose more legibly . I wish you well in your future relationships.
Please use paragraphs, Ms. Red is right, this is horrible to read.
I don't even really know what your main question is... but as a guy, my feeling is that he wants to have sex with you, maybe a sexual relationship, but he doesn't want to date you.
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LovelyBird says: "your husband deserve many heavy good slap in his face."
Well what do you think from reading what I've wrote, that he only wants something sexual? Is it because of what he said or what he did? Please, explain, I LOVE to know an your opinion since you seem to know...
*side note, for future reference, I've been drinking(5th beverage), I have ADD, yet I still can focus, and get to the point, which says a lot about you as a person. well its kind of hard to believe someone that has a pink horse and a rainbow for their icon on this thread when it comes to an opinion, no offense, but to take you seriously, is asking to believe george bush that we will be leaving Iraq before the next election, on offense. Okay and what does paragraphs have to do with answering a question anyway? thats like asking someone to answer a riddle that has no answer, basically there is no point to you making reference about paragraphs to begin with and also if I wanted structure advice about my writing, I'd go ask someone that is majoring in English, not you or I'd go to another website dedicated to the english language that is proper and well suited, oh wait there isn't, because our society is abusing the english language and that why all the english think we're dumb...silly me I shouldn't waste my time on someone who is critizing others, who probably isn't a professor in english nor anything in academia of todays educational existence. Also please for future reference towards any post, if anyone ask for advice, give it to 'em, not on their sentence structure, oh and if you get bent out of shape due to what I've voiced as my personal opinion, please know that I'm a female, I'm 21, I've probably delt with more bs then you have in your entire life and more wrongs then any rights. Not to sound like a teen soap opera, but I've dealt with eating disorders, more then 5 deaths in the last 2 years, being engaged to a man that ran out on me, and lastly, I dealt with a man that took advantage of me. So as you can see, I'd like advice, not advice on my writing skills thank you.*
Last edited by vanilla87; 5th July 2008 at 5:53 AM.
Reason: grammar error in my sentence structure
He's probably not that attracted to you, or he'd act differently. He's said some nice things about you, but actions speak louder than words. I doubt he'd have avoided a relationship because you were vulnerable. He might be avoiding a relationship with you because you have ADD, react badly to criticism, are a cheater (as his he, but that's irrelevant) and seem emotionally immature. No offense.
Im female and i know you dont want my thoughts but im going to give them anyway...
As with the guy... I think you could be totally right maybe he is scared just as you say.. I have a guy that is scared... We got into a fight about he's behaviour cause he was the one that broke up with me yet would call alot and txt saying how beautiful and awesome i am. The fight started with me telling him to back off ... Im not into head games...he made his decision now be fair on me and leave me alone... It eventually came out(took 2 months) he could marry me and he doesnt want seriousness he is young and just not ready for a relationship with me....yet...He didnt want to meet me now :/
With your guy if he wanted just hooking up and didnt care about you he would still be hooking up with you not dating another girl. It is just up to you how you handle it.. stay friends and hope he gets over the fear or move on and put it all down to timing...
By the way, if you are nicer more people will offer thoughts and advice... And the paragraph thing is only so it is easier to read and people wont stop half way out of frustration.
Thank you for advice. See thats was nicer, but it retrospect it wouldn't be an issue if they were nicer about it, as the saying goes "you can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar...", & I also go by the golden rule too, even though it wasn't showing, "treat others how you want to be treated...", well if your being snarky or self righteous, it'll be return in the same attitude from me.
Anyway, enough about paragraphs, it is a little tricky, and guys are just weird about what they want, while some actually tell you, which is very few really. But who knows what he wants, I just need an outside opinion on all this cause when you look at something for too long you get confused and need a fresh look on things, so I appreciate your views on it. I did though last night message him saying a lot of stuff to him about it all so I'm just waiting to see if he is going to grow a pair and speak up and be an adult about it or just hide and pretend to not know me, either way I took the initiative and finally said what I need to say about the last 6 years, cause I don't like playing mind games nor do I enjoy being strung along on any level with someone.
I hate the games too :/ specially when you think you can read the person pretty well so why would they behave in this way. I would be very interested in how it goes for you...
I dont think my guy would be open to answering questions... It would freak him....He would back off and leave me alone for awhile i think...
So far i have decided not to push to get answers cause clearly he is confused and me pushing him for answers to feelings he cant understand/doesnt want to have will not help either of us.. I figure if he wants me he will get over whatever is stopping him and we will give it a go...
Only problem is what do i do in the mean time...
Try move on? I guess this is best but at the moment he is in my head and i cant get him out.. I cant use people so meeting someone new is hard...
Wait around?? No way! My pride wont let me wait for a guy that isnt sure if he wants me or not...
Sorry this prob doesnt help you much... Is there anyone else reading this that has an opinion or idea??
Sorry. I'm a girl, too, but thought I'd add my 2 cents.
I think your friend thinks of you just as a friend..someone to hang with when he has down time (not in a relationship). He likes hanging with you because you are like two peas in a pod..but he does not consider you relationship material.
Don't try to rationalize his actions by assuming he is afraid of something. He isn't afraid of anything.
He kissed you but that was probably his hormones talking in a moment of weakness..nothing more.
A good lesson to learn at your young age..Actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to date you, you would know it. He would be pursuing you and expressing interest. He isn't doing this.
I would not wait around for him. There are a million fish in the sea. Go catch one.
Oh, yes, one more piece of advice...If you want to catch a decent guy..one that respects you and takes you seriously, do not call him while drinking. Guys do not respect girls or take girls seriously who ramble on in drunken stupors. They will only interpret that as a possible opportunistic booty call. If you want more than that, call only when sober.
Well I have my reasons as to why he is the way he is, but with what your saying, I don't feel the need to say it, cause I'll probably be told the same thing all over again.
Anyway, I'll say this though, me and him, we think a lot alike, which I've already said above, which means, I know when he is lying and what not by any means and when he is trying to cover up something in any way, and he knows so its hard for him to lie, because he told me to my face that he can not lie to me cause I call him out on it everytime. Thats why he tends to avoid answering me back because he can't lie to me or even be near me when he is trying to cover up something, cause he gets a little weird, like he is distracted or tries to distract me so I don't question him or he starts to bounce his leg lightly, little things like that makes me know usually. That always applies to me too, which is why its hard for either of us to bring up anything we need to talk about.
Another little 411 on this is that when his friend assumes we dated back in highschool, you know that means maybe my friend wasn't telling me everything and more so which made me question, if he has finally confessed 6 years later that he did infact like me in highschool as more then a friend, then what else is he not telling me? Its things like that, that make me wonder why he is acting the way he is now with me. I also know for a fact, if a friend is dating someone, they don't hide it unless they don't want you to know about it, i had to find out he was dating someone one through one of those silly social networks, which says a lot right there. He isn't a bad friend, don't get me wrong, its just that, it made me think why wouldn't he say anything? Cause he usually does..
Last edited by vanilla87; 8th July 2008 at 5:24 AM.
Reason: spelling correction
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