Hey guys, I'm new here and I could really use some advice.
Recently about a week and a half ago me and my girlfriend got into a fight. It was a typical fight, but she got so mad at me she through one of those scotch tape holders (you know the big black things with the sand in them) at me and it ended up hitting me right in the face. Put 14 stitches right below my eye eye and cracked my nose. She didn't mean to hurt me if that means anything. Of course she rushes to me and helps me to the emergency room.
The dilemma is that I feel like I should be breaking up with her. But in my mind it is so hard and I know she didn't mean to do it. What should I do? I know she cares for me a lot and really wants me to be with her.
Should I forgive her? Or should I break up with her?
I think some time away from the relationship would be good.
If it was an honest accident then this would be a non issue.
However, this was sparked out of an argument. She resorted to throwing something heavy at you. That is not an accident, it is a byproduct of her temper.
Of course she feels guilty, but that does not take away from the act.
Has she displayed a temper before? How does she cope when things get emotional?
I can see being mad in the moment and throwing something, though it doesn't mean that she lost her mind. She had to know it would hit something, break something or someone!
That concerns me that she did mean to hurt you, maybe not as much as it did but in some way. She grabbed the tape and not a pillow.
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break up dude, yesterday is a scotch tape holder, today will be a vase, in other words, tomorrow's just your future yesterday. and if you still don't get it... People don't change.
She may not have meant to land you in the ER, but she meant to throw the tape dispenser. I have a friend who was in a relationship with an abusive girlfriend.
Unless you're trying to save a marriage with anger management or something, get away. If you did something so horrible that I had to throw a tape dispenser at you, there's no way I would want to be with you, and I probably wouldn't be sorry either. For me, so horrible would be I walked in on you and bestfriend, or something. A simple argument shouldn't be enough. And if it is, she needs professional help to work through that.
Will time apart just be best then? She always had temper problems, and when we get in arguments I usually try to just get away for a while before we fix them. She wants to fix them right away. This time around I didn't give space and my face is split up.
She kind of had a history of this with me, but not as nearly as bad.
Thanks for all the replies and underpants yours was really helpful.
Will time apart just be best then? She always had temper problems, and when we get in arguments I usually try to just get away for a while before we fix them. She wants to fix them right away. This time around I didn't give space and my face is split up.
She kind of had a history of this with me, but not as nearly as bad.
Thanks for all the replies and underpants yours was really helpful.
Temp time apart won't change her. Since you mentioned she has temper problems the next fight will be a repeat or worse.
while it may be a accident, it just give you a glince of what's inside this girl.i'd be running, imagine what will happen when you really pi$$ her off.
I have a temper. Your gf has a problem. I do not throw things in the heat of the moment. I usually don't yell either, unless the guy has seriously seriously screwed up (i.e. cheating, lying etc).
I don't indulge myself in childish behavior, because I know that escalation is unhealthy and unnecessary drama. Your gf is being selfish by indulging. She is allowing herself to do it because it feels good for her to get it out in the moment. She doesn't have much self restraint and she doesn't care how it affects you.
Sorry, but I think this is a problem that won't fix itself and I doubt she'll change it. I stopped letting my temper dictate my actions when I was 22 but I made a very conscious decision.
Only you can answer whether or not you should be breaking up with her.
Personally, I think it's pretty serious. I hope this might prompt her into looking into an anger management program.
Sometimes different cultures handle anger differently as well.
I dated South American women and often times they completely blow up, get it all out, and then it is quickly forgotten. The upside is the anger is over quicker, and often times they are more expressive in the good times.
I have dated American women who do not blow up, but also who never forget and seem to carry that anger for a long period of time.
If given the choice, I prefer A, unless it gets to the point that they become physically aggressive.
It was a typical fight, but she got so mad at me she through one of those scotch tape holders (you know the big black things with the sand in them) at me and it ended up hitting me right in the face. Put 14 stitches right below my eye eye and cracked my nose. She didn't mean to hurt me if that means anything. Of course she rushes to me and helps me to the emergency room.
gal, when I was a little girl my grandpa took me sliding and on one big bump he let go and I went flying through the air until a boulder stopped my face. I had a broken nose, several gashes and my parents were horrified. That was an accident. That was a person not intending to hurt me but I got hurt.
When a person throws objects at you or near you (and you're not a circus performer who does this for a living) you should consider it at least a sign of hostility. Of course she meant to hurt you at that point in time. And as soon as you were hurt she was sorry. But this is a pattern she's establishing, not a one-time thing.
I've got a temper. GD has suffered my wrath and I rather expect he'll tease me about certain things until one of us is dead. And if I go first, possibly some time after that.... But gal, IMO, personal safety is not negotiable. You've got one body. Please take care of it.
Should I forgive her? Or should I break up with her?
I agree with the others. She meant to hurt you just not as badly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by galneryus
Will time apart just be best then? She always had temper problems, and when we get in arguments I usually try to just get away for a while before we fix them. She wants to fix them right away. This time around I didn't give space and my face is split up.
She kind of had a history of this with me, but not as nearly as bad.
Her 'history' will only get worse with time and growing sense of entitlement. How many future trips will you be making to the ER? There are battered men as well as battered women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by backto1
It would also be very scary if you stayed with her and then one day had to deal with her "disciplining" your children.
This is really frightening to contemplate. Children have a way of pushing buttons and they can be merciless. You don't have to make a commitment to her to have this happen, one 'oops' moment is all it takes. Is it worth the risk?
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