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Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 4th July 2008, 1:22 AM   #1
vanilla87
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More than just friends?

I have been really close to this guy for the last 6 years. We're practically best friends at this point. We get along and are like two peas in a pod. We talk about almost everything, we have the same humor, we think a lot a like, and we are always there for each other, even when we can't be, we find ways. Ever since I was 16 and he was 18, we've been flirty with one another. I'm 21 and he is 23 currently, and in the last 3-4 years something has happened. 3 years ago we got entangled in a situation, that ultimatly hurt two other people we we're seeing at the time, yet it happened for some reason. Then earlier this year, we hung out, alone, talked for almost 3 hours straight, but while we talked, he complimented me, alot, saying how awesome i am, that I'm very beautiful, that I'm very intelligent and mentioned that the sexiest thing about me is my mind, and he flirted with me, touching me and sort of play fight with me like he did when we we're in hs. But then before he left he hugged me atleast 4-5 times and then got touchy feely when he hugged me and sort of kissed my neck twice when he hugged me. Then we tells me he has to think with his head, but he would have loved to stay, but had to work in the morning. But I did something, i kissed him, he kissed me back though, not once, but twice! The second time happened after we stopped the first time and we ended up talking and then he stands in front of me and takes both of his hands and grabs my face gently and kisses me deeply. He left a little after that. But then 2 weeks later he ends up dating someone, someone I know, that he is friends with. Then recently, I asked him if he ever wanted something more in high school with me, more then just hooking up, and he told me he did. Now, I'm unsure what is going with him and the friendship we have, because on top of that, I used to have a small crush on him when i was 16, but it faded, but after that kiss, it sparked something again, and now I have feelings for him. I'm very confused, any advice?
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Old 4th July 2008, 1:29 AM   #2
confused and broken
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What do you mean by dating someone...does he have a gf???
Never ever get involved with someone who is not single.......horrible idea

At the same time I am confused as to why instead of pursuing you he is dating someone else that's not cool
What is his problem...
He can date other girls but not you sounds like he is not that interested in getting involved past one night of kissing
heart breaker
why do guys suck??
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Old 4th July 2008, 2:54 AM   #3
vanilla87
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Well during the time we kissed and he started dating someone, I went through a terrible thing, I lost my aunt to breast cancer and I was very vulnerable. I did however believe I latched onto the situation (drank and drunk texted him) and ultimately gave him the wrong idea (my opinion), and i apologized to him about it and he understood, but also told me thats why nothing could happen. Do you think he started dating the other girl, because I wasn't emotionally stable at the time and was too vulnerable that he would feel as though he would of been taking advantage of me? I asked him if things would have been different, he never responded back to me. Do you think he was avoiding it because its too late or because he thinks I already know the answer to that?
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Old 4th July 2008, 12:42 PM   #4
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Honestly he doesn't sound like he cares a lot about you... Maybe he isn't a caring person...
If someone I cared about was going through a rough time that wouldn't scare me away that would drive me closer, but I am a caring person...
How would you have treated him if the tables were turned??
If a guy really likes you and cares about you nothing should stop him or scare him away...
But I have high expectations...
He could be there for you without taking advantage of you...
He is avoiding it most likely because he is too much of a coward to tell you the truth...
He's probably confused himself so he doesn't want to close all the doors....

Look yourself in the mirror and say "Vanilla how do you want to be treated by a man?"
If the answer is half @ssed like this dude is treating you than man I feel for you...
If not then find someone that will treat you right(the way you want to be treated) there are lots of men out there, and there are also lots that will love you unconditionally!
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Old 4th July 2008, 3:30 PM   #5
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well right now that great advice, but your a female right? well I'd like a guys a opinion too in this situation. I don't have high expectations when it comes to guys really, by having high expectations, you set yourself up to be high maintancence as guys many view or you end up on missing out on great guys that you many never look twice at because you have high standards. Hunny how old are you anyway? if your still in high school, then please stop responding to my post, no offense but I need someone that isn't in highschool responding...Also this guys has been there for me in the past, when i had food problems he stood by my side till i got better, when a then boyfriend at the time was an jerk to me and cheered me up, he was on the phone a lot with me even when he was away @ basic training and getting further training down in texas. On top of that its more complicated too, his uncle has been best friends with my dad since they were in highschool themselves. But for now I'd like a guy's opinion on this one.

Last edited by vanilla87; 4th July 2008 at 3:37 PM. Reason: correcting spelling mistakes
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