[Kake]

Hiya

I met a fantastic guy online nearly a month ago. In the first week we sent each other emails and text messages non-stop. I have never felt so compelled to communicate with someone. We had our first date a week after meeting online and got on like a house on fire. We both admitted to having been really nervous about meeting each other and were totally honest that we liked each other. I was actually quite surprised at how upfront he was. After 3 dates, and me staying over at his place, he invited me to the opening of his first art exhibition. I was again surprised, and suggested that maybe it should just be a night for him, but he said he'd told all his friends about me and they wanted to meet me. All went well for another week and a bit of seeing each other, and meeting each others friends. Very early on, he brought up us being boyfriend/girlfriend, and again I was surprised, but went with it because I liked him so much. He even brought up getting a tattoo (not of my name) but in honour of us. I had already been planning a vacation for a few months ahead, and suggested he might like to come with me. He said he'd looked at flight prices online and that we should talk more about it.

This is when it all went wrong. We spent a really great night together and spoke about all sorts of stuff, including the trip. I think I went overboard and started talking about trust and that I'm a very trusting person etc. Anyway, the next day I didn't hear from all day, sent him one text at the end of the day, he responded, then the following day he cancelled our plans for the weekend, saying he needed some time alone. I was totally cool with that and didn't contact him. But on the Monday morning he sent me an email to break it off saying he needs to be alone to deal with stuff, he's really disappointed, I'm a wonderful human being and we could be great friends.

I know he got freaked out and too much happened too soon. Just wanted to know if it's possible that he could change his mind and realise that it was a good thing. Or if he freaked out like that, is it just totally over with no chance of ever getting him back? I know he told his friends that he felt a rare connection with me, he told his mother about me, and he himself said to me that he couldn't believe we'd known each other so little time when things felt so natural.

Can I get him back? Or should I just move on?

[confused and broken]

This is such a sad story......
But I hope that you can see what happens when you jump too far in too fast... someone freaks almost always or you end up finding out once your in deep that you don't like them because you didn't bother to get to know them..
Next time please take it SLOW...
You can't get him back, but he may decide to come back...
You need to give him the space he asked for and move on... if he comes back I don't think it could hurt to give it another try, but this time slow it down...
Maybe he does have issues preventing him from being in a real relationship, and maybe your lucky he cut it off before he broke your heart...
Also it could be that he has something to hide...sounds like it...
At this point it doesn't matter the ball is in his court...
All you can do is live your life, and if it's meant to be he will come back when he is ready, but don't stop living for him...

[D-Lish]

Hey, he jumped into it as quick, if not quicker than you did.
In my opinion, that kind of behaviour is a red flag.

He set up the stage for you to take a leap and then he pulled back when you did. What that says is that he simply isn't trustworthy with your feelings.

I'm being honest when I say that he sounds like the type of guy that reels you in with his charm and sentiment, and then unleashes you at the earliest sign you have become invested.

He lit the fire under you- then put it out as soon as you responded accordingly. I just don't think that is the behaviour of a guy who is stable and ready for a commitment.

Will he come back? I am sure if you back away and stop all communication with him he probably will. Why? Because it brings him back to the thrill of the chase mode.

I can't say for sure because I didn't experience this the way you did... but his behaviour of coming on strong out of the starting gate- then pulling back and cutting things off as soon as things became a little more concrete, well, it's a red flag.

I have been reeled in by men like this in my past- and now, when I meet someone and they are overly gung-ho in the beginning... I usually dump them before I get emotionally involved.

My advice to you is to def cut off all communication with him.

[jerbear]

Originally Posted by D-Lish

I have been reeled in by men like this in my past- and now, when I meet someone and they are overly gung-ho in the beginning... I usually dump them before I get emotionally involved.

My advice to you is to def cut off all communication with him.

This gung-ho beginning applies to both men and women.
I've had women like this and in my experience, it would be passionate initially then you get emotionally involved and then they get you and move on.

Pump and dump!