its not just good guys who finish last, good girls always loose out too
It's not just the "good guys" who finish last, I have noticed that a lot of GUYS
LOVE "bad girls", they love the drama, the ups and downs, and a lot of guys think they can "change" the bad girl too. I am talking about the "Bad Girl" who is a playa and has a lot of guys around for backup (in case her bf breaks up with her), the woman that will cheat on her man with others, or doing things behind his back and who is emotionally unstable and sorta crazy.
The claim they want to marry a "good girl" but I think they are drawn to excitement and danger and want the "bad girl" and in many cases even end up marrying her. That's what I noticed anyways.
Good girls are too boring and get walked on all over.
Both "good" guys and "good" girls get passed over because we all want bad boys/girls. I have to admit I like bad girls/bitchy girls myself and love a bit of drama in my live.
So what? If you a good girl that *really* do like good guys, what are you complaining about? There are plenty to choose from that are willing to date good girls.
So what? If you a good girl that *really* do like good guys, what are you complaining about? There are plenty to choose from that are willing to date good girls.
A lot of "good guys" want the "Bad girl". The "good guys" might find their own lives too boring so they are drawn to the "bad girl" to give them that excitement.
And some "bad boys" want "bad girls" too.
No one wants a good girl. Good girls are the ones that guys leave at home, and then they go out and bone the bad girl on the side.
The trick is to be a good girl with a bad girl side.
That means- not letting someone walk all over you while remaining passive and needy. Having self respect with boundaries is a good balance.
Read "Why Men Love Bitches"... there is some good info in that read!
I really believe that if a 'good girl' is attracted 'bad boy', that because this girl has some internal issues need be resolved. vice versa
such as a 'nice guy' is attracted to a real bad girl who don't treat him right, but he still is attracted to her. In his heart, there is an issue he needs to deal with, such as his value system, his idolization, his vanity....if he learns to deal with them with this bad girl, then he grows more mature, probably helps the bad girl grow a little bit too. If he continues his old pattern to be non-backbone, then he is really poor guy who is like a robot, do same thing again and again
same mature level people attract to same mature level people. Not some random 'bad luck' IMO. Playa attract to playa, nazi attract to nazi, mature one attract to mature one
Last edited by Lovelybird; 4th July 2008 at 2:20 AM.
In the book "why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov, the author explains that men like the thrill of the chase. They like challenges, adventurous, dangerous things. So, a nice girl who's always sweet and never disagrees quickly bores them. On the other hand, a "bad" girl remains a challenge and that's what keeps them interested.
I wouldn't advise girls to become bad in order to attract men though. But I would say that having good boundaries, self respect and your own full life is important to keep attraction. I've noticed that my girlfriends who were in long term relationships with interesting men are the ones who know how to defend themselves and won't tolerate lack of respect.
Here's a radio show with the author of that book who explains why men are more attracted to girls who have good boundaries and self respect. It's one hour long but it's worth listening to.
I've met a few good girls and they are sweet, adorable, cute and remind me of cotton candy, but you can be this girl without being passive, a doormat and someone who never stands up for themselves. These three traits I have seen in the few good girls I have met and they are unattractive qualities.
When a person becomes passive in a relationship, the relationship is destined to fall apart. I am not attracted to women who follow their boyfriend's every order and go out of their way to please their man, when the man does little to return the kindness shown. I like a woman with direction, a woman who at times takes control, takes the reigns. It also sadness me when good girls are doormats, or when women are unable to stand up for themselves. I have so much respect for women who are able to look after themselves and stand up to people especially jerk men.
These qualities are often I find, found in bad girls or girls with an extra kick, but they are by no means bad qualities to have, if anything they are very strong and positives features.
So, if a woman is a good girl, but is able to display less passiveness, less doormat behaviour and less surrender monkey attitude in a relationship, then the relationship will be just as exciting, if not more so than a relationship with pyschotic bad girl. However, a good girl who turns bad in the bedroom adds a great kick to the relationship.
I journaled a longer and perhaps off-topic response, but will opine that enlightened perception by men is the good girl's best friend. The old adage of "be yourself and into your life the right person will come" is still very applicable. Take heart
This is the way I see it... Would I REALLY want a man who is interested in crazy people? Therefore, I don't see it as a loss at all, but rather "wow, I just dodged a bullet."
A couple of guys I dated ended up with this type. I ended up being stalked by them. I say "Why do you want a crazy girl?" And they get offended, say she's not crazy, and she's actually really sweet... she just made a bad decision, blah blah blah.
However, as I do know them well enough, I do know that they enjoy that attention. Oh, sure, they like to complain and such about their girls "not acting right", but many cases, they were doing bold things which might set their women off anyway!
So, I don't think that the good girls finish last at all. I think that crazy must attract crazy if you want to be with someone knowing they're going through all of your things, and contacting or even threatening people. Likewise, if you have feelings that are so strong which cause you to go through so much trouble, headache, and heartache, and you stay with the man, even though he's no good.
So, from what I've seen, the ones who are sticking with the crazies are the ones you can't trust. I figure they figure, attention aside, a crazy is going to stick with them and put up with more... just causing drama instead of walking away.
Before anyone gets offended, I'm not talking about wives or women who have been in a LTR with a man for awhile and need evidence or closure, I'm talking about the girl you've only known for a month who is already messaging people from your MSN account.
I think there's a difference between a good girl and a nice girl, though all in all both sexes respond well to someone who has good self-esteem and self-respect for themselves.
I've dated good girls who draw boundaries and has a certain amount of self-respect and nice girls who are almost doormats. If I were to choose one to be with one, I would choose the former. Though I think the problem people often equate with the nice guy or nice girl is that they're boring people...this is true to an extent.
A girl that doesn't come to the beck of my every call or pick up the phone every time I call shows that she doesn't need me/or that I'm not priority in her life. And I know she would expect the same because no girl should be #1 on my list either.
At the same time it has to do with earning their respect and their time to see you - this kind of challenge or hard work allows me to value the other person more.
I believe this has more to do with the psychological relationships with humans (not just with women). You respect someone more who has other priorities/ambitions in life and knows when to draw boundaries, in addition to having a strong self-respect for themselves.
A "good girl" is not a doormat. When anyone displays doormat behaviours, right or wrong, it's human nature to take advantage.
Think about it this way, if you give and give without taking, you're building up the expectation of this type of treatment to continue, which gets boring after awhile, since it displays no challenge aka mountain for men to climb. It also displays no self-respect, in that you value yourself enough to warrant some "take".
When you give and take, it keeps men interested, because they do have to work at it too.
Technically, if you must use labels, I'm a "good girl", in that I don't cheat. I don't play men, unless they're players themselves and it's a game of catch and release.
At the beginning of the relationship, I do give a little at a time. If it's reciprocated, I give more. Further into it, I give a little too much but as soon as I realize it's not going to be reciprocated, the wall comes down. Appreciate it or it's gone!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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