[I Feel Used]

Hello everyone.

I am very new to something like this and need to vent and see if anyone else has experience what I have.

Well where do I start?

Three years ago to the date I moved from one province to another in hopes to build a promising relationship. I left my friends, sister, and a growing self employment job.

I met my girl friend (wife) on Lavalife and it seemed we hit it off immediately.

A little history on her. She has one girl from a previous marriage and another girl from a 3 to 4 year affair with a married man from USA who left her when the girl was born because he couldn't be man enough and want to go back to his wife and two children. Plus I think he was scared of losing his great job as being an NFL referee which he still is.

I have been with this women, building a family and falling in love with both girls who are fantastic. The youngest of the two believes that I am her father and tells me all the time that she loves me and that I am the best daddy ever. Oh by the way I don't have any kids of my own. I have grown to love and charish this little girl who is the other man's child. This is killing me!!!

I am basically a stay at home dad. Taking care of all aspects of the house: repairs, cleaning, laundry, cooking child care when they aren't at school or day care. Don't get me wrong. I didn't mind doing this but at the same time I have always wanted to work. I have tried getting jobs and even tried self employment. Nothing has worked because of a lanquage barrier (so now you know what province I live in.)

Plus I have been helping her with her job because she doesn't have a drivers license and it is a requirement for her position. So I have been driving her to the appointments, clients and meetings. Even some of these meetings were at night so I would have to take the kids with me which I didn't think was fair for them. I would try and find parks in order to entertain them but sometimes I couldn't. Most evening appointments we wouldn't get home until 10 at night and the girls had school and daycare the next day. Anyway she doesn't have her license because she is afraid to drive. But now she is currently taking lessons and has an appointment to make it happen. Conveniently doesn't need me anymore!!



I am upset about this because I told her in the beginning that I didn't want to be a stay at home dad and wanted to work. She has a great job in a high position with a major nation and internation company. She is very successful at whatever she does and will always land on her feet. I am very proud of what she has accomplished over the past few years.

Anyway, over the past year our relationship has been breaking down. It has been both our faults. The lack of communication and love. It all started with her not being able to open up to me or even being intimate with me. She always seemed to be hiding something. I began to suspect something about 4 months ago because of what has been happening and I found an email detailing a conversation with a friend that she still loved the NFL referee man and want to start an affair with the father of her child!!!???

In the beginning of our relationship everthing was fantastic. But I sense that she still loved the NFL referee man because she used to talk about him and the things they did together. I would ask her if she still loved him and she would say no she hated him because of all the bad things he did to her and her little girl. I wish I saw this differently three years ago, I would have back away and let her work out her feelings. But now I am involved here and love my family and want to make it work. It would have been easier three years ago to finish it. I am so mad because of this.

I should mention that she has been getting child support from the NFL Referee man for the past three years but because of his job and high teaching position with another referee organization she felt that it wasn't enough money for her so she took him back to court. I told her she should leave this alone and everything was ok the way it was. I was scared that because she was doing this he would want to see his daughter. Well I think her greed got to her for more money because she felt that he should pay as much as he humanly possible. I didn't like this side of her.

Anyway I was right. He came to Canada for the court session and she talked with him and found out that he is in the process of getting a divorce and that he wants her back???!!!! She has once again fallen for his BS and wants to have him back. He is coming here next month to see his daughter who is going to be five!

I have expressed my love and care for her and this family, I want to make this work. I am committed to this relationship. But she now sees no value because of him. I am so mad, in great pain, used, so many emotions it is hard to explain.

My question is: Should I fight for her and the girls or should I just say fu#k it and walk away. One of my biggest concerns is the little girl who I have come to consider my daughter. She is going to be so confused and hurt and I have no legal control over this!!!!

Any advice from the gallery. I would appreciate some feedback.

Thank you and have a great day.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Leave her alone! she's had two different kids, by two different men, and when she needed this guy he bailed on her and left back to his wife, like the coward he is. Now that he's back she ignores everything and wants to be with him?

WTF? I would be irate because here you are busting your ass, being everything for her and she goes back to this looser? she's a looser, he's a looser and he'll drop her for the next piece that walks by.

dont be a doormat and look a gift horse in the mouth.

I know you love them kids but let's look at it this way, you aint they real father, she aint gonna stay and your only wasting your life dealing with an idiot who cant learn from her mistakes.

[bish]

Originally Posted by I Feel Used

I met my girl friend (wife) on Lavalife and it seemed we hit it off immediately.

A little history on her. She has one girl from a previous marriage and another girl from a 3 to 4 year affair with a married man from USA who left her when the girl was born because he couldn't be man enough and want to go back to his wife and two children.

well he can't be with both, why should he have picked your W over his current wife and kids? And in case she didn't realize it...uh, he was married.

I have been with this women, building a family and falling in love with both girls who are fantastic. The youngest of the two believes that I am her father and tells me all the time that she loves me and that I am the best daddy ever.

And thats a wonderful thing. It truly is. If its not a betrayed spouse that I sympathize with, it is always the kids that get caught up in everything.

I am upset about this because I told her in the beginning that I didn't want to be a stay at home dad and wanted to work. She has a great job in a high position with a major nation and internation company. She is very successful at whatever she does and will always land on her feet. I am very proud of what she has accomplished over the past few years.

Well if thats the case and she was using you to help her career until she didn't need you any longer (as if you couldn't tell she was morally bankrupt before hooking up with her), then you'd have a strong case for alimony.

Anyway, over the past year our relationship has been breaking down. It has been both our faults. The lack of communication and love. It all started with her not being able to open up to me or even being intimate with me. She always seemed to be hiding something. I began to suspect something about 4 months ago because of what has been happening and I found an email detailing a conversation with a friend that she still loved the NFL referee man and want to start an affair with the father of her child!!!???

Well there you have it then...get a good lawyer without her knowing it and start the documentation and build your case for divorce with alimony.

Me personally, I wouldn't want a damn thing from her except splitting the marital assets 50/50 and any retirement she may have. I wouldn't want alimony, but it is there as a bargaining chip because you have a strong case for it.

In the very least, just get a divorce.

In the beginning of our relationship everthing was fantastic. But I sense that she still loved the NFL referee man because she used to talk about him and the things they did together. I would ask her if she still loved him and she would say no she hated him because of all the bad things he did to her and her little girl.

So she lied to your face.

I wish I saw this differently three years ago, I would have back away and let her work out her feelings. But now I am involved here and love my family and want to make it work.

Want to make what work? A marriage with a woman who wants to screw the guy that cut and run on her? Geez, the MM is a jerk and she would like to cheat on you with him? Again, what is there to work out? Unless you just want to be blindly married to a morally bankrupt cheater.

I should mention that she has been getting child support from the NFL Referee man for the past three years but because of his job and high teaching position with another referee organization she felt that it wasn't enough money for her so she took him back to court. I told her she should leave this alone and everything was ok the way it was. I was scared that because she was doing this he would want to see his daughter. Well I think her greed got to her for more money because she felt that he should pay as much as he humanly possible. I didn't like this side of her.

Thats nothing compared to the side you should have seen before even hooking up with her....the side that sleeps with a married man.


[qutoe]Anyway I was right. He came to Canada for the court session and she talked with him and found out that he is in the process of getting a divorce and that he wants her back???!!!! She has once again fallen for his BS and wants to have him back. He is coming here next month to see his daughter who is going to be five!

I have expressed my love and care for her and this family, I want to make this work. I am committed to this relationship.[/quote]

Well she isn't. You want to commit yourself to a relationship with a woman that wants to have sex with another man. You're willingness to be with a woman like that is the very definition of a cuckold. Dude, you don't want to be one.....or do you?

My question is: Should I fight for her and the girls

No, she isn't worth fighting for. Although I understand your pain with regards to the girls, but that is pain she will be bestowing on them, not you.

or should I just say fu#k it and walk away.

You say @#$@# it, but don't just walk away. Get a lawyer and get what is yours. She kept you from having a career to stay at home and babysit her kids. Get a good lawyer and start your case.

One of my biggest concerns is the little girl who I have come to consider my daughter. She is going to be so confused and hurt and I have no legal control over this!!!!

I feel for you there man. But again, you aren't the one that is doing this to her. The unscrupulous, so-called woman that you call a wife is.

Any advice from the gallery. I would appreciate some feedback.

Thank you and have a great day.

There is nothing you can do. And I feel for you with regards to the little girl. And I feel sorry that the little girl has a mother like what she has.

Only thing you need to do is get a good attorney.

[I Feel Used]

Hi,

Thank you for the feedback. Much appreciated.

I am just so flippen mad. I would love to hurt her as bad as she has hurt me. But I won't because I don't want to stup to her level. Although I would love to confront the A hole of the MM and tell him what a worthless piece of sh#t he is.