[daisyxx]

I just joined today, as I'm in need of advice. My parents died early last year, 1 week apart, and we brought our wedding forward, although they didn't make it to the wedding, we went ahead with it anyway, despite it being a sad time.
I received a lot of money through both wills, and have spent the last 8 months travelling - escaping from the sadness, there have been three other family deaths also. My husband gave up his job last June, because he hated it. He showed no signs of looking for any other, and as a consequence we travelled. I am doing an on line diploma, in order to work for myself. Since the money came through, my husband has constantly moaned that he has no money of his own, and had to ask me. I honestly didn't think that there was an issue, and every now and then, put £100 in his bank account. I have paid for everything, food, bills, holidays, socialising, his gym membership, everything. Now, the first half of the money is gone. He works part time, (13 hours) and today he moaned that now he is working, he still has no money of his own, as we need it for bills etc. I tried to point out that he should contribute something, as this is a partnership, he went mad, saying that I was rubbing his nose in the fact that I have paid for everything in the last year. I do all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, make all arrangements for everything, he just sits there and orders me around. Our sex life has become non existent.
Actually, I was looking for advice - but now I've written it all down, the answer to what I should do is leaping out from the screen.......!!

[mopar crazy]

First, I am so sorry about the loss of your parents. How hard that must have been for you.

Your H is LAZY! He really needs to get off his ass and get a FT job to help out w/ the household finances. He is taken advantage of you, don't let him do it anymore. I wouldn't give him a dime anymore. I know that may cause a huge fight but you really need to stand your ground. Pay your bills that you need to and the heck w/ him. He needs to grow up.

His little comment about you helping him out and rubbing his nose in it was just a way to push your buttons. Don't let him get to you. Have you thought about getting some MC?

[quankanne]

my condolences on your loss. It's never easy getting adjusted to the loss of a loved one, but to have two people die so close together was a real whammy.

my guess is that for you, the joy of your wedding was overshadowed by grieving and a natural bit of depression, and I imagine the traveling was one way of dealing with that grief indirectly. You may want to check with your family doctor about a mild antidepressant if you're having a problem with depression, of trying to get back to where you once were before all these things started happening.

as for your husband ... dang, I don't know how to nicely put it, but the guy has a serious issue with responsibility. I know it's not easy getting into a job or career you like, but that shouldn't stop you from trying to find one. My guess is that he used your situation to justify his decision to just up and quit, then not look for something to support the two of you. His being upset about your comment to contribute might be natural, but it's deflecting from the real issue: When will he get off his bum and start contributing financially to the marriage.

sounds like it's time to go to counselling.

[daisyxx]

Thanks for your replies.
He went to the gym at 11.50 today, and has had his 'phone switched off all day. It is 7pm now. He has just phoned me, saying he is on his way home, and he is drunk. My uncle died 3 weeks after my mother, and his wife 1 month ago. I am having problems with my eldest daughter, who's partner is physically abusing her. I get no support at all from my husband. As long as evrything in the garden is rosy he is fine. Whenever I have cried, he says I am getting him down. I have had an epiphany today. I do not need him in my life. I'm not sure I want him. I haven't been able to grieve properly as he doesn't like unhappiness. Until I wrote all this down, I never realised how bad things were.
Well guys - I may be needing your support in the near future!

[FlyingToaster]

Just saw your post. I am so sorry for your losses and all the challenges you have been facing.

I agree with quankanne that your H used your parents' passing as an excuse to be irresponsible. It may have sounded comforting at first; him doing that to support you in your time of need (if he said that at all), but it looks pretty obvious that it was just a cover up. If that's the case, then, sorry, but he's a jerk.

I would suggest getting yourself checked out by your doctor. With everything you've been through, I would guess you're in need of some medication to balance your body out. Then I would suggest looking for support groups for all that your are dealing with right now. I'm sure you'll find that those people are going to be MUCH better at supporting YOU when you need it.

And keep posting. There are a lot of people here that can support you as well.

Take Care

[SunnySideUp]

what my husband and I do is no matter who happens to be making the money that year/month, whatever, we get an equal allowance each week. Of course this only works if both parties are contributing equally to food/bills/living space maintenence/kids