I went home yesterday and my wife was throwing away a lot of old junk. When I asked her what was going on she said she was just getting ready to move out and take the kids. We (I) have been working on resoring our marriage for some time now. I asked her to give it more time and while her response was not no it was still not yes. She says she doesn't feel that there is much hope. I am now cherishing the fact the she did not say definitively that there was no hope. When I asked her why she wanted to move out she simply said because you won't. I told her that I have no where to go do you want me to live in the streets and she said I don't care. I am worried because she doesn't have the financial ability to be on her own.
Actually you do have somewhere to go. It's called Residence Inn and they take credit cards and have great monthly rates
If your wife wants to leave and take the kids, that tells me she has someplace she can go. Don't argue with her. Don't plead. Validate her feelings. Don't assist but don't inhibit the process. Let her go.
You have another opportunity to be strong here. Take it
I hope you have considered getting legal advice. They take credit cards too and the initial consultation is usually free. There are also legal clinics if you qualify financially.
Actually you do have somewhere to go. It's called Residence Inn and they take credit cards and have great monthly rates
If your wife wants to leave and take the kids, that tells me she has someplace she can go. Don't argue with her. Don't plead. Validate her feelings. Don't assist but don't inhibit the process. Let her go.
You have another opportunity to be strong here. Take it
I hope you have considered getting legal advice. They take credit cards too and the initial consultation is usually free. There are also legal clinics if you qualify financially.
Good luck!
WHAT?????
DONT YOU EVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!!!!!! EVER!
I dont care if she hates your guts the minute you leave she'll drag you through the mud, they all do as evidenced on this baord. Go see a lawyer asap because if she lives with your kids before you sign a custody arrangement she may get the kids and you might not even see them again without being dragged through it again!!!
Screw that, know your rights, and stand your ground. Where are they going, can you reach them easily, you dont let your kids outta your sight.
How do you know it's "his" house? It could be her parents; it could be rented. My response was based on the reality that he always has options. He made it sound like he'd be homeless if he left.
Heck, don't take any advice from me, OP. I'm buying my wife a house to get her outta my hair (oops, scalp)
In some states, one spouse can't force the other spouse out even if their name's not on the rental lease or deed, Alaska comes to mind.
I see your point Carhill but during these bad economic times many folks don't have credit cards, emergency reserve cash. More times than not by the time the marriage has gotten to this point the credit cards are maxed out and any reserved emergency cash is long gone.
I wouldn't be moving, and who says she gets to move out and take the children with her? Baring emotional or physical abuse you've got just as good a chance as she does.
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I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
The OP doesn't sound destitute to me. I based my initial advice on reading his backstory. I'll reiterate the part where I said most lawyers take credit cards. I'll bet he has one that isn't maxed out. He could consider it an investment in protecting his assets and perhaps his sanity, though I'm not quite sure on the last part
I won't go into my strategy, but will just say it's predicated on my particular circumstances and legal advice regarding them. The OP's circumstances are very different, not the least of which because of children being involved....
I went home yesterday and my wife was throwing away a lot of old junk. When I asked her what was going on she said she was just getting ready to move out and take the kids. We (I) have been working on resoring our marriage for some time now. I asked her to give it more time and while her response was not no it was still not yes. She says she doesn't feel that there is much hope. I am now cherishing the fact the she did not say definitively that there was no hope. When I asked her why she wanted to move out she simply said because you won't. I told her that I have no where to go do you want me to live in the streets and she said I don't care. I am worried because she doesn't have the financial ability to be on her own.
Thank you.
Tell her she can leave without the kids! Stay in the home, see if you can get someone to help watch your kids.
IMO, if the wife wants to leave with the kids and is adamant about it, it would be counterproductive for the kid's psyches, as well as legally, to do anything beyond request that they stay in the marital home with the father. Most women have girlfriends who've been through divorces and they know what their rights are wrt children and what they can "get away" with legally. Better to pick a smarter battle down the road.
As custody, property and divorce/separation statutes vary by jurisdiction, it's nearly impossible to give the OP accurate advice on what really is a legal matter. Did I mention to contact an attorney?
Just to update. Not much communication in the past few days and I have not seen a lot of evidence of any more packing up. We did have some friendly small talk today and she did joke a little bit about something silly.
Just to answer a few of the comments. The house is both of ours. We lived in it and our prior house our entire marriage. I did speak to a lawyer and found out that in my state the worst she can do is sue me for spousal support which I would only have to pay untill a divorce is final. If I know her once she moves out she will not hold up any divorce proceedings. As for the assets I really don't care a whole lot and will be willing to give her a larger share of the split as i know it would go to help our children. Plus I have a high paying job and the earning power to ensure my financial stability.
As for moving out and going to a hotel I don't feel that I should have. I am the one wanting to work on this marriage and she is the on who refuses to talk about it or even consider any type of councelling.
Use what you can and may of it, discard the rest, as it says its not all inclusive nor complete ~ nor does it fit anyone individual's needs. But recognize that you've got choices and options, and you're not completely castrated by the situation just because your a man.
I dont care if she hates your guts the minute you leave she'll drag you through the mud, they all do as evidenced on this baord. Go see a lawyer asap because if she lives with your kids before you sign a custody arrangement she may get the kids and you might not even see them again without being dragged through it again!!!
Screw that, know your rights, and stand your ground. Where are they going, can you reach them easily, you dont let your kids outta your sight.
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