Is this normal?

PG Love · 2nd July 2008, 9:22 AM

I am in a LDR and trying to make headway with the way things are.
There is alot of background that I won't get into, but we live 2 hours apart. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but when I have 3 kids and commitments and he has work, sometimes it seems like he's on another planet.

He comes up every chance he gets during the week and usually every weekend. He makes the 2 hour commute after work and gets up very early to commute back and with the price of gas, it's really getting hard.

I talk to him everday, most times 3-4 times a day and text much more. Sometimes he gets in a funk and I don't know what to do. We talk about getting a place together somewhere in the middle, but housing is hard to find and I have to think about new daycares and schools and it's very hard to plan. I can tell when he's down because of the situation and I was just wondering if this is normal or should I be worried? It especially happens after he's been up for the weekend and has to go back,for the 1st couple of days his conversations are short and distant. I know he loves me and wants to be with me, it's just the distance and circumstances that get in the way. I try not to get down with the situation and try lift his spirits, but sometimes it just seems like he is so distant. When we are together, I don't see any of that, so I guess that's why its so hard for me.

Any advice?

EMBeee · 2nd July 2008, 11:13 AM

Maybe he gets into this funk after he leaves because he either a.) misses you or b.) can't stand going through the cycle over and over again and wishes you two could finally be "together".... just my thought.

Man what I would give to have only 2 hours to separate me and my LD bf... if that were the case for me, I'd move to be with him. I know work and kids play a part in it... at least you're only 2 hours apart!!! I'm 21 hours apart from mine, and it's a little hard coming up with airline money! Wow, 2 hours is not a lot... sorry I keep stressing it... I just wish that's all that separated me from him and then maybe I wouldn't be in the funk I'm in.

Take Care!

Lucky_One · 3rd July 2008, 2:31 PM

I think that he is making a lot of major sacrifices to come see you as often as he does. A two hour commute several times a week isn't to be sneezed at.

You say that you would think about moving to the middle, but that school and daycare are issues. Well, so is driving to come home so much. What are YOU doing to facilitate this relationship?

People move all the time, and kids change schools and daycare all the time. Moving one hour isn't that earth-shattering of a move. Relationships take compromise on both parts, as well as sacrifice for both.

PG Love · 3rd July 2008, 2:42 PM

Lucky_One~ You are right, he is making a huge sacrifice to make the trip several times a week. I am contributing by financing his trips. He walked away from a comfortable life (home and money) to be with me and we are doing the best we can with what we have. I know that kids switch schools and daycares all the time and that's not really the issue. The price I pay for daycare is so cheap right now and trying to find affordable and dependable childcare for 3 children in a city you know nothing about is very hard. I am actually working it from all angles to make it work, but life doesn't revolve around my time tables unfortunatley.

Like I said there are a lot of other factors that I haven't mentioned, but thanks for the input so far.

HisLove · 5th July 2008, 9:00 AM

Why did he 'have' to leave a comfortable life and home to be with you? He's still two hours away, so something is a bit strange here.

Is your children's father involved in their life?

PG Love · 7th July 2008, 2:31 PM

He left his wife to be with me, so that is the comfort I am referring to. He has alimony to pay and quite a few bills so he's holding onto the job he has because it's good money. He is currently looking for a job in the area I live because we've decided that it's better for him to make the move now because of the daycare issues I mentioned before.

Yes the children's father is involved, which is another reason I am having a hard time moving away.

Lucky_One · 8th July 2008, 12:41 PM

You said on another thread that he has only been separated for a few weeks, so I would probably not rush or sweat the LD thing. Let him get his life a bit more settled with his wife and kids, and come to grips with the fact that his life has totally changed in nearly every way.

I would guess his funk is about the divorce and the EMA and the pain he is putting his kids and wife through rather than the commute to be with you right now.

Give him some time.