Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Ben is my boyfriend of 2 years...
Sarah is his ex-girlfriend
She lives in another country, and he hasn't been anywhere on his own recently, so the 'interaction' is definitely referring to something on MSN.
Ben to Sarah
show details 2:10 AM (7 hours ago) Reply
I am really sorry. We are idiots the way we interact.
I am just at a loss what to do.
I hope we can move forward and that you will be happy. I doubt I will be.
I need to really change something about my life. I am getting older and foolish now.
Please forgive me. You were always the good one.
Ben.
Ben is my boyfriend of 2 years...
Sarah is his ex-girlfriend
She lives in another country, and he hasn't been anywhere on his own recently, so the 'interaction' is definitely referring to something on MSN.
Ben to Sarah
show details 2:10 AM (7 hours ago) Reply
I am really sorry. We are idiots the way we interact.
I am just at a loss what to do.
I hope we can move forward and that you will be happy. I doubt I will be.
I need to really change something about my life. I am getting older and foolish now.
Please forgive me. You were always the good one.
Ben.
It means Ben's getting all nostalgic and decided to go "fishing".
Sorry to hear you had to find something like that. That must hurt like hell. I wish you the best of luck. It might have been a moment of nostalgia/depression/ego-feeding but prepare yourself for the possibility of dumping him.
I've calmed down from the initial shock now, and it seems like no big deal. He is being just as sweet and affectionate and loving as usual. Maybe I'm under his spell, I don't know. I'm holding off mentioning it to him until she replies - it might throw some insight on the situation.
I am prepared to dump him, but how will I know if i should/when to bite the bullet? There's no going back after I make that decision... And it's a big one - we have talked about the future - marriage and kids and where we'll live and what we'll do etc etc. We are very much in love, and I don't think there's anything lacking in our relationship.
I am just worried about the not over her thing... They had broken up for at least 8 months when we met - he had moved from Australia. I don't know if they broke up purely because he was moving away, or had already broken up before that for other reasons. He still has heaps of photos of her - including one where they are both naked, posing like Greek statues, and a couple of them kissing. All on CDs, and he hasn't looked at them, at least in the last few months.
You aren't satisfying him emotionally/sexually, he's just not into you the way he should be, he never quit loving her/got over her, and........
you are a snooper, therefore you have no trust, and your relationship is doomed anyway. Get over it. And one other thing? Have you tried communicating with this chap, rather than asking a bunch of strangers who do not even know you or both sides of the story for advice? Most of the folk here will only hit on you anyway...
Remember lassie: without trust, there is nothing.
Aren't you the guy who defended that CHD moron for doing the same thing this chick did? He hijacked his wife's emails, and found out a few things he didn't like, and acted like HE was the one wronged. This poor girl did the same thing and you tear her a new one. I don't get it.
I am seriously considering messaging her through facebook (perfectly within my rights to do that?) and asking her girl to girl what is happening between them...
Is this a bad idea?? Is she likely to lie? Is this just simply not a kosher thing to do?
DON'T DO IT! Talk to him, and go with your gut feelings on the matter.
I started typing a reply before, but changed my mind.
If the two of you are in a serious relationship with one another there really needs to be a degree of trust. I hate snooping, but I can sympathize with what draws people to do it. (If you came across the message by accident, however, nevermind the last statement.)
You're not in a relationship with her. She has nothing to do with it. Don't put her in the middle of it. He is your man, he is the one committed to you, he is the one you have the relationship with. Take it all directly to him.
I don't like the sound of that message, but I don't want to sit here and tell you that it is more than it might actually be. But personally, I would have a serious problem with the idea of my man possibly having feelings for his ex. And at the very least, I would let him know that we need a break.
Go to him, tell him what you found, and ask him about it. Tell him how you feel, etc. Over looking it, or not going to the man himself about it is more than likely going to make you more unsure or worried with time. I would not let this drag out, and I would not involve a 3rd party.
I never defended that CHD guy. I was chiding that chuckgirl for having that EA. Relationships without trust are doomed, just as yours with that goat will be if it finds out you are stalking me on these here internets, as you seem to be.
BTW, tell your mamma I expect supper to be done by the time I crawl off your Aunt Lucy tonight...
Your is dumb.
My Aunt Lucy? She was a great old gal. Now she's in the sky. With diamonds. Proof that you sometimes CAN take it with you.
I am reluctant to talk to him about it - I thought it was in case it was nothing and he breaks up with me for snooping...
But if I'm being honest with myself I think it's because he'll change his email password (which he doesn't know I have) and I will no longer be able to check up on him.
Is this, like, the worst sign in the world??
I only do it from time to time - he has been unfaithful (no sex, just meeting up behind my back) in the past and so far this year there have been no problems, in fact the checks had become so few and far between, I hadn't checked in about a month. Our relationship was getting better and better. Was weaning myself off the snooping addiction... Until this. Sent last night.
My personal opinion is that if it is so bad that you have to snoop (especially if you guys aren't married) then you need to put things on ice. We're supposed to add things to one another's lives, give support and be able to get it in return. I don't know your situation, but just from what you're telling me, there seems to be some sort of imbalance there.
If you NEED to be able to see his messages, or want to see them to make yourself more comfortable, there is an issue in the relationship that needs to be resolved, plain and simple. Whether you take time for yourself to think things through, or you two go to counseling, it's just not healthy IHMO. Security shouldn't come from viewing emails.
Do you think if you ask the ex he won't find out about it? Before I officially divorced my exhusband, his gf sent me a message on-line asking me about the divorce... and found out that he was the one holding up the process. She asked me not to tell him, and I said I wouldn't... but then changed my mind. (My loyalty goes to him over her, and she didn't handle the matter properly.)
Even if you do go to her, he still may find out about it. When I've had jealous girlfriends of friends and such message me etc I've always told the guy. (No, nothing was going on, but the women just wanted to know what their men were up to.)
You did what you did, and you really should own up to it. If we were in the 80s and you couldn't check messages etc, how would you handle the matter? Especially now that you know you may have reason to question, I think you need to be upfront about it.
Pray that your relationship is such that he understands that, based on the history of the relationship, you felt cause to spy. But I wouldn't contact her, and I wouldn't just ignore it either.
This is tearing at my heart... I feel angry, sick to the stomach, paralyzed, cold shivers. I had stuff to do today and since I read that this morning I have been paralyzed to my chair - I keep reading it over and over which renews the anger. I felt suicidal before...
We went and got lunch together (we live together, but have been working in separate rooms today) - its the first time I've EVER felt repulsed by his touch, even during the worst times last year. Maybe this was just the last straw. And it could have been reasonably innocent too. Couldn't it?
Ok - i know this is evasive but here's what just happened.
I told him I was feeling uneasy, with a sense of foreboding. (True - why i checked in the first place)
The last two times I have had this feeling, my sister was attempting suicide, and Ben was out drinking with another girl behind my back - that's how I caught him.
So I told him I have this feeling, and asked if he was talking to Sarah, he said no, and I said I hope noone is dying.
He then started to get worried that Sarah was dying - and sent her this email:
I had an awful dream where you were hurt.
Can you please let me know you are all right?
I am feeling sick with worry...
Not sure if anything can be read into this... But it's an update
It might if it weren't for the part about him saying "I doubt I will be" in the original message. Not to say he's not telling the truth with regard to that situation, but that still stands out.
Also, he said he hadn't talked to her at first, and then later said he talked to her last night? Did he tell you that he just emailed her again tonight?
I mean it could be that he's not being open about it because he thinks you might make too much of it or something. But from what you've just said he doesn't seem to be totally forthcoming about his contact with her, but I can't speculate as to why.
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