Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Basically, I lied and cheated and he dumped me exactly one month ago. We had limited contact for 1.5 weeks where I told him that I basically accept the fact that he doesn't want to be with me cuz of what I did and that I can't expect him to forgive me.
We then had NC for 3 weeks after that until yesterday I called him to wish him happy bday and told him to call me back (he didnt pick up so I left a voicemail). His bday was actually on Thursday but I called him 4 days after his bday cuz I was on vacation and had no cell phone reception. He didn't call me back which made me impatient cuz he's NEVER gone more than a few hours without a call-back. Anyways, I called him again today and he picked up and he said he was sleeping when i called and that he forget to call me back (ouch!) and we just chatted about what he did for his bday and about my vacation. I didn't ask him to meet up and I ended the phone call and he said stuff like 'thanks for calling, talk to you later.'
Basically, things played out exactly the way I thought it would. It further confirmed how over he is with me. But for some reason right after the call I just broke down crying. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sure no one here has any sympathy for me, but I'm hurting. I know I deserve it, but still, it hurts.
I don't get pleasure from seeing somebody hurt. So, hopefully you'll get out of this. Learn this lesson, and avoid doing things that will end hurting you. Be glad, that you didn't completely destroy him and that you actually are able to have some contact. He didn't kick you to the curb. One day, he will have forgiven you.
I don't get pleasure from seeing somebody hurt. So, hopefully you'll get out of this. Learn this lesson, and avoid doing things that will end hurting you. Be glad, that you didn't completely destroy him and that you actually are able to have some contact. He didn't kick you to the curb. One day, he will have forgiven you.
I hope he still misses me, it hurts more that he talks to me like I'm just a regular friend. Perhaps indiffernce hurts more than if he hated my guts. But he's never been the type to hate me for long. Even during times when I dumped him or cheated on him, he'd hate me for a bit at first but then he'd get over it and he'd be friendly with me again and talk the way he talked to me today. He's hard to read. I know it's selfish, but I don't want him to stop missing me so soon. I know he deserves to move on but I don't want him to. But I sense that he's over me and it hurts. It does. By the way, my own bday is coming up in 3 weeks and now I'm stressing as if he'd have the decency to remember to wish me a happy bday. When we talked today, I also talked about how my friends are planning for my bday. If he forgets to call me, I'd be sad. But even if he remembers, I'd still be sad. When we were apart during those 2 months, I asked if he'd forget my bday and he said that he won't. He said that he's got a mnemonic for it even.
NM - I really did learn my lesson. I still love him and it hurts. And because I don't want this to happen again, I swear to not do it again.
Last edited by gummybear; 1st July 2008 at 3:30 PM.
"...the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."
I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, but one of the surest ways to get someone mad at you is to forget their birthday, and despite your situation (no cell phone), this is what it looks like you did to him. If there was even the slightest chance that he still felt something for you, it's probably gone now. If you do hear from him on your birthday, consider yourself the luckiest girl in the world.
"...the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."
I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, but one of the surest ways to get someone mad at you is to forget their birthday, and despite your situation (no cell phone), this is what it looks like you did to him. If there was even the slightest chance that he still felt something for you, it's probably gone now. If you do hear from him on your birthday, consider yourself the luckiest girl in the world.
But he was the one who dumped me. I don't understand. Plus, he knows I love him and there was even a hint of sadness in my voice as I talked to him. He knows I didn't forgot, he knows I was trying my best to hold back and not call him (I didn't tell him this but he knows how I feel about him). I did in fact tried my best to not call him but I gave in (stupid me).
When he dumped me a month ago, I gave him his early bday present (a shirt) and I asked if he wore it and he said he wore it on Friday (day after his bday) to his own party I think. If he was mad at me, he wouldn't have wore it since he wore it after his bday. He's just indifferent and yes like your quote said that hurts. He probably didnt wear the shirt cuz I gave it to him, just cuz the shirt is a REALLY nice shirt, best shirt he's got he said when I gave it to him.
Last edited by gummybear; 1st July 2008 at 3:49 PM.
Ok, in light of what PSLB just said, did I really screw up again by calling him 4 days after his bday and just destroyed all chances of reconciliation (not that there was much if any to begin with)? I feel so sad.
I mean if you were in his shoes and given our history and fact that he dumped me, how would you feel if I didn't call? Just indiffernce probably huh? I mean HE dumped me. I thought I wasn't supposed to come off as desparate to try to win him back. Someone please help me. I'm so clueless.
Last edited by gummybear; 1st July 2008 at 3:56 PM.
I hope he still misses me, it hurts more that he talks to me like I'm just a regular friend. Perhaps indiffernce hurts more than if he hated my guts. But he's never been the type to hate me for long. Even during times when I dumped him or cheated on him, he'd hate me for a bit at first but then he'd get over it and he'd be friendly with me again and talk the way he talked to me today. He's hard to read. I know it's selfish, but I don't want him to stop missing me so soon. I know he deserves to move on but I don't want him to. But I sense that he's over me and it hurts. It does. By the way, my own bday is coming up in 3 weeks and now I'm stressing as if he'd have the decency to remember to wish me a happy bday. When we talked today, I also talked about how my friends are planning for my bday. If he forgets to call me, I'd be sad. But even if he remembers, I'd still be sad. When we were apart during those 2 months, I asked if he'd forget my bday and he said that he won't. He said that he's got a mnemonic for it even.
NM - I really did learn my lesson. I still love him and it hurts. And because I don't want this to happen again, I swear to not do it again.
So you dumped him, hurt him,humiliated him, emasculated him and cheated on him before. You know he deserves more but you dont want more but it's selfish to ask that of him after you have done many bad things.
Leave him alone, and let him heal. I wouldnt want to go back to a woman who did all that dirt to me.
So you dumped him, hurt him,humiliated him, emasculated him and cheated on him before. You know he deserves more but you dont want more but it's selfish to ask that of him after you have done many bad things.
Leave him alone, and let him heal. I wouldnt want to go back to a woman who did all that dirt to me.
Honestly, at the time I did those things I was have some emotional issues and I hated that I did those things to him. Each time I'd always tell him that something is wrong with me and I'd tell him that when I dump him it's out of my control and that is why he'd take me back. I'd dump him but then cry to him afterward because I said that my emotions took over again and made me do it. I went to therapy to fix my problem. He was able to forgive me for dumpin him a few times but he said the fact that I lied and cheated was too much to forgive and it makes him insecure being with me (afraid that I'm lieing to him again). That is probably why he can't exactly hate me. It's becuase he knows that I truly love him but that something was wrong with me and that made me do reckless things. He probably feels sorry for me. Each time I dumped him and after I cheated, he always immediately saw how much I hated doing that to him and I'd always tell him that 'I'm sorry, something is wrong with me, i hate that i keep hurting you, it's out of my control, i need to get help'.
He knew this from the very beginning of our relationship and at the time I told him that he has to get rid of me because I'm bad for him but he said he wanted me and he'd be patient and help me with my issues. But still, the cheating and lieing he never expected to happen. Eventhough therapy fixed my problem now, that was too much for him. I guess this is one side of the story I never told you all. That is why I'm hurting. I went through therapy and alot for him and when we got back together 2 months ago I felt so confident that we'd work out and I told him that I finally feel at peace again and that I don't have those crazy issues anymore (therapy and time fixed me) but that was when he let me go...after all that.
Last edited by gummybear; 1st July 2008 at 4:09 PM.
Honestly, at the time I did those things I was have some emotional issues and I hated that I did those things to him. Each time I'd always tell him that something is wrong with me and I'd tell him that when I dump him it's out of my control and that is why he'd take me back. I'd dump him but then cry to him afterward because I said that my emotions took over again and made me do it. I went to therapy to fix my problem. He was able to forgive me for dumpin him a few times but he said the fact that I lied and cheated was too much to forgive and it makes him insecure being with me (afraid that I'm lieing to him again). That is probably why he can't exactly hate me. It's becuase he knows that I truly love him but that something was wrong with me and that made me do reckless things. He probably feels sorry for me. Each time I dumped him and after I cheated, he always immediately saw how much I hated doing that to him and I'd always tell him that 'I'm sorry, something is wrong with me, i hate that i keep hurting you, it's out of my control, i need to get help'.
He knew this from the very beginning of our relationship and at the time I told him that he has to get rid of me because I'm bad for him but he said he wanted me and he'd be patient and help me with my issues. But still, the cheating and lieing he never expected to happen. Eventhough therapy fixed my problem now, that was too much for him. I guess this is one side of the story I never told you all. That is why I'm hurting. I went through therapy and alot for him and when we got back together 2 months ago I felt so confident that we'd work out and I told him that I finally feel at peace again and that I don't have those crazy issues anymore (therapy and time fixed me) but that was when he let me go...after all that.
The thing is maybe he just finally got fed up and tired of the emotional rollercoaster the cheating, the lies, the dmping, the issues.
You caused a lot of problems. And maybe it's time for him to just let you go. I've been where he's been and after one woman breaks my heart I dont go back.
The thing is maybe he just finally got fed up and tired of the emotional rollercoaster the cheating, the lies, the dmping, the issues.
You caused a lot of problems. And maybe it's time for him to just let you go. I've been where he's been and after one woman breaks my heart I dont go back.
He dumped me only AFTER all the emotional rollercoaster was over. When we back together for that one month I didn't hurt him in any way. But he just figured that he still can't accept i lied and cheated....and he said that even if I did change and wont do that stuff again...he can't accept it.
You've been where he's been? Do you mind telling your story?
Quote:
Leave him alone, and let him heal.
You don't have to worry about that. He's already over me it seems judging from our phone convo today.
Yeah, my story is long. and trust me it's the same as only on the opposite side. I'llgo into it later in depth, but right now the best thing you could do is let him heal.
I know you got issues but he didnt deserve to be on the end of it you know.
I don't mean to sound rude but you did bring this on yourself. If you truly do love him you should have shown him while he still loved you and wanted something to do with you. Now he has had it and he just wants to move on with his life and I would do the same thing. I hope you have learned from this and you treat the next guy better.
Yeah, my story is long. and trust me it's the same as only on the opposite side. I'llgo into it later in depth, but right now the best thing you could do is let him heal.
I know you got issues but he didnt deserve to be on the end of it you know.
You are right. He didn't deserve it and that is why I can't be bitter at him either. Anyone in his shoes would have done the same thing. I look forward to hearing your story, and perhaps in doing so I can try to understand how he feels. Maybe it will help me to move on more easily. Thanks Chrome.
I am just a little unclear. When you say you cheated on him. Do you mean because you were dating another guy behind his back like you mentioned in your previous posts or did you actually have sex with another guy behind his back a couple of times?
There was a girl I dated. When we got together I was real skeptical of even opening my heart to a woman for fear she'd try to break it like all women at some point do. Well I decided to give her a chance.
I asked her if she was over her ex, any emotional attachments to him or anything. Are you done with him? She said yes.
So we got together and things were going good. I'm thinking well she might be the one. I start opening my heart to her, I'm thinking this could evolve into something long term. and guess what happened within the 4 months. She stabbed me in the freaking heart!!!!! lol.
She was sleeping with her ex in the last month we was together. (I knew.) I didnt have proof but when she brought him up there was a sense of shame, couldnt look me in the eye. I can read body language pretty well. most people can. The same guy she talked so bad about, cheating on her, got multiple kids by different women. SHE GOES BACK WITH THE SAME NUTJOB!!!!
Unbelievable! I was hurt and I wondered why she lied, that's what I was mad about, not the cheating, but why she lied to me when I specifically asked her for the truth from the begining.
Suffice to say I let her go. After that, guess what happened.
He cheated on her again and she found out while his phone was on and she heard him F-ing some new chick in the background. (it must have been on speakerphone or something. lol.)
I just looked at her like a freaking idiot...
Dont be that woman. Dont be an idiot. The man I am today dont trust a woman for what she worth. I dont trust her word and I analyze everything. I will never put my heart back out there for any woman to break. Word is born.
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