So to sum up my little story. I was with my boyfriend for 12 years and he wanted to "take a break" to become better friends. Needless to say..that didnt really work out. So we broke up.. and I stuck to No Contact for lets see.. its been 2 years now. Im happy livin with my new boyfriend which we have been together for almost a year and a 1/2 now. Dont get me wrong I still think about my X and have thought about what it would be like to talk to him and see how he has been, but just stuck to my guns and left it alone.
This weekend. He called. I spoke to him for an hour, and then we eneded up meeting and talking for 3 more hours. Now im stuck. After 2 years of no contact, how could it seem like there was no time missing in between. He said all the right things, answered all of my lingering questions, told me how much he missed me. How he wished we didnt end things like we did. How sometimes he just wished we were together again. How he was sorry he treated me the way he did. Then he kissed me. And the next thing I knew... we were crossing the line. But the craziest part.. it felt normal. Like in the back of my mind "how it should be". I left he walked me to my car, kissed me goodbye and we both agreed that we wouldnt be strangers like previously.
What now? What can i expect from this. His gfriend and him were taking a break, but are still seeing each other. and well i LIVE with my boyfriend and thought i couldnt be happier and now i feel like im so confused. Did he just do all this to see if i still had feelings for him? Or was he genuenly missing me and wanting me?
Is this just what it was... like an old comfortable shoe, and in the heat of the moment we just had no boundaries. Or do you think something may come of this? Obviously we both still have feelings for each other.. and the saying.. if you let it go and it comes back to you it was meant to be?
Does anyone have any "LOGICAL" advice about this? Is it best to go back to my happy life and continue on... pretending that nothing happend. And the most horrible part. Because it was my X.. and him and i were together for so many years... i dont feel like I did anything wrong. But in my heart of hearts... I know... I cheated! Or do i realize.. it ended for a reason, and dont look back. Even though I still love him?
What an *******. He's taking a break with his current girlfriend just as he did you 2 years ago. You are now back on the radar after 2 years and he says all this BS? So what do you want now? Lose the guy you're with for something that feels normal only to find that he'll need to take another break again someday? Sorry this guy is a prick and is really screwing with your nugget. It should take a lot more from him to prove anything substantial.
It's the typical scenario. He left you for someone else most likely 2 years ago and now it's not working out so he comes back to you for comfort and possibility.
-Just
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You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. - Mitch Hedburg
Well first and formost you cheated on you current boyfriend!!! Why after two years would you let your ex come back into your life? Now your all ****ed up, you should have left the past in the past!!
I have no sympathy for you!!! Sorry that just the way I see it!!!
I have some advice for you
Wake up
This guy is using you....
Go back to NC on a permanent basis.
I can guarantee you all this will cause in your life is pure misery
As to why we humans are attracted to misery? Good question.
If he left you, and you are with another person. You need to go no contact immediately with your ex. It seems like you never really got over your emotions, or there was enough for you to let him get close again. I think if you give it some and think about it, you'll realize that what you had with him is gone but you're holding onto feelings from the past.
This really isn't fair for your current bf. Would you give him up, for this guy who had proven to be unreliable?
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"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes." - Viktor Frankl
hey hey hey... i dont listen to these *******s... sorry people... but honestly if u are with someone for 12 years then yeah your always going to love that person to some extent. just go with what u think is right. who do u love more? why do u still love ur ex? why does he still love u? why after two years does he come running back to you? just talk to him and see whats up
Haha!!!! Why did he coming running back to her!!!! Seriously dude!!!! Are you a man? He came back because he is on a break whatever the **** that means, and he was needing some pussy!! Plain and simple!!!
You need to move on from this person and focus on the relationship you are in, and tell your SO what the **** happened!!!
If he forgives you that is you can move forward and try to earn his trust back!!!
Personally, why would this guy see ANY value in you whatsoever if you just take him back without him earning anything at all?
Remember how things ended. Remember his own words, that he treated you badly. The other issue I would bring up is that what is your current BF missing that you'd toss away two years for a guy that treated you badly?
What part of your brain isn't screaming RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
Please send me some of whatever your ex has. I couldn't imagine having that kind of instant influence over a woman I had left for someone else and badly....
Please send me some of whatever your ex has. I couldn't imagine having that kind of instant influence over a woman I had left for someone else and badly....
Common phenomenon. It’s called “chics are attracted to jerks.” I’m living proof of that. I’m a good jerk though (of course, right?). I think for many chics, it’s the mystery and challenge that is given off by the guy who “does them wrong” that they are attracted to. They mistake it for confidence, but in this girl's case, it sounds like she is satisfying a chic's natural tendency to be "curious" and "check things out". Just another bad decision based on how she "feels" instead of "reason" (doing the right thing). Some girls are 80/20 (make decisions based on how they feel 80% of the time, and make decisions based on reason 20% of the time..sounds like she is one of those girls. I try to find one that is around 50/50...and hope and pray that she'll get smarter instead of dumber in time.) Usually it’s a fatal attraction…unless the guy’s a “good jerk” who understands their behavior and uses it to his advantage by knowing what to do, what not to do, and when to back off.
Carhill, I think I saw you reference the tip of this iceberg in one of your journal entries.
I really appreciate everyones comments on here.. especially the ones that basically say WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. Personally.. the 12 years mixed with the sudden seperation and 2 straight years of NC was a hard road. And now that I was able to have contact.. after 2 years, and have all my unanswered questions answerd was somewhat releiving.
In spite of all the bad in the relationship there was good. and It saddens me to think of how far ive come in 2 years.. to quickly forget how bad I was hurt 2 years ago. As stupid as it may sound, something in me wants to remain "friends" for a lack of a better word, with my x for some reason I trully cant find the words to explain.
A phone call deffinetly doesnt make anything better or erase anything that has happened. I know he still has a girlfriend, but I also have a man in my life now. So do I think he was reaching out to me because they were on the outs? Not really. From what he and some mutual friends have said, they are ALWAYS on the outs. Id like to think he genuenly was calling to vent as much as Ive wanted to do the same.
Is there something that says ... that 12 years in a relationship with someone is something that should be forgotten and never talk again? Because beleive me.. ive been trying to forget and it just doesnt go away. When i say I dont understand why im ok with talking to him... i really mean it. I think we miss each other just the same, and he even said, I can tell your happy now and I dont want to ruin that for you.
But in my heart of hearts... I know... if you want to go forward you cant look back. But do you have to have NC forever.. or learn to be strong enough to hold your ground and respect yourself????
I guess i just want to say thank you to all that responded. Your advise Very Much So NEEDED!
Sexual familiarity/chemistry does not equal compatibility. Repeat after me
Do you understand that you were a booty call/ego feed?
I mean, really, who breaks up after 12 years to "become better friends"? What a crock of poop. For all I know, your current BF could be me, since I've been this clueless about the women trampling guys like your current BF and myself to get at these losers for the better part of a half-century. I'm proud to announce that I'm not (clueless) anymore. I hope your current BF gets his wake-up call soon.
You clearly cannot be "friends" with your ex. I hope you used a condom and still you should get tested for STD's. Another good reason to tell your current BF the truth, so he can get tested too, if you've had sex since then.
well no actually we didnt sleep together.and thats just it. Im not a bad girlfriend, and I do care about my current boyfriend very much. So as far as i hope he catches on... he knows we were together that long.. and whos to say you ever stop caring about people in your lives. With that in mind... should we break up.. No i dont think so.
I guess sometimes history can play a big part in peoples lives. And 12 years is a long time. Call it my justification, but it is what it is..spending that much time with someone isnt something that can be easily ignored nor forgotten.
I still appreciate your comments carhill. you help me to perseve things in different light!
My apologies. I misunderstood the following quote:
Quote:
Then he kissed me. And the next thing I knew... we were crossing the line. But the craziest part.. it felt normal. Like in the back of my mind "how it should be". I left he walked me to my car, kissed me goodbye and we both agreed that we wouldnt be strangers like previously.
So, please append my comment to "prospective ego feed/booty call"
Yes, I'm quite sure there are latent feelings from the past, and it appears some unfinished business as well.
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2 YRS NC ... Then all of a sudden
I’m a good jerk though (of course, right?). I think for many chics, it’s the mystery and challenge that is given off by the guy who “does them wrong” that they are attracted to. They mistake it for confidence, but in this girl's case, it sounds like she is satisfying a chic's natural tendency to be "curious" and "check things out". Just another bad decision based on how she "feels" instead of "reason" (doing the right thing). Some girls are 80/20 (make decisions based on how they feel 80% of the time, and make decisions based on reason 20% of the time..sounds like she is one of those girls. I try to find one that is around 50/50...and hope and pray that she'll get smarter instead of dumber in time.) Usually it’s a fatal attraction…unless the guy’s a “good jerk” who understands their behavior and uses it to his advantage by knowing what to do, what not to do, and when to back off. 
Thank you
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