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Why would a woman who didn't put out be shocked if she was cheated on?
I really, really don't understand this.
You hear it all the time: Women who do not have sex with their BF/Fiance/Husband regularly. Then, all of a sudden when they find out their SO cheats, they are heartbroken. Why? Why are the heartbroken if they were turning down their SO for sex and they went and got it elsewhere.
Someone please give me a rational explanation for this.
Um, no insight here, but my last......ahem, male person, was extremely emotionally ( unhealthily ?) bonded with his crush of 4 yrs, so had a hard time "hurting" her, after SHE decided she was asexual 2 weeks into the relationship !
SHE, didn't understand him leaving her for me, because to HER it was the most 'intimate" relationship she had had thus far ( at 36 !)
BUT, he ended up choosing her, then me, then...who knows, SO...
my answer is ; maybe if the GUY is that unhealthy a human being he might very well stick with the "mommy who doesn't love me, but THIS time i'll win" figure !
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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's pupils." - Louis-Hector Berlioz
Its a tricky thing really. Some women can be perfectly happy in a long term relationship that is nearly asexual in nature. There really are women out there who, over time lose the desire for sex - and they don't need or want it to feel satisfied in their relationships. It is a part of who they are, I guess. When a man continues to push for sex, eventually a woman of this type will get frustrated and angry - thinking that the SO loves sex more than he loves her. That causes her to see sex as the 'enemy' - that if there weren't this problem with sex, everything would be ok. So, they have less and less - and the times that it does happen, its a matter of... "oh, ok - just hurry up".
When the man finally goes and gets it elsewhere, she sees it being a matter of the SO placing a higher value on sex than everything else in the relationship, even to the point of taking the risk of losing the relationship by cheating. It isn't the fact that he is having sex with someone else necessarily - but the idea that when he weighed his options: his relationship v/s sex - sex won out.
Why is she shocked and heartbroken? Because she thought that her SO would love her enough not to cheat regardless of the frequency of sex.
I can definitely see it from both sides: I can see why a man would eventually cheat in a sexless relationship, and I can see why a woman would be upset by it.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
I don't know why someone would stay in a sexless relationship if they were unhappy.... That's probably a better question.
I dated a guy with an extremely low sex drive- he was like that right from day one. I became so bitter about it and it was a huge problem. he was never going to change and I was never going to be happy with how things were. The solution is to leave them I feel... not cheat.
I'm guessing it's because the women expected that, if sex was something so important to their husbands, then said husbands would try talking to them about it rather than going behind their back. And if talking didn't work, then doing the honorable thing and ending it was probably also expected (if sex was indeed so important to them).
I will never understand that either... kind of strange to think that one partner is dumb enough to think that her/his partner stayn or remain faithful in a sexless relationship..
__________________ One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
You hear it all the time: Women who do not have sex with their BF/Fiance/Husband regularly. Then, all of a sudden when they find out their SO cheats, they are heartbroken. Why? Why are the heartbroken if they were turning down their SO for sex and they went and got it elsewhere.
Someone please give me a rational explanation for this.
THis is a woman we are talking about , remember.
As the great Jack Niclolson once said about women , " I just think of a man and remove reason and accountability "
The same reasson a man shouldn't be shocked when his wife or SO goes out and gets involved in an affair of the heart, (emotional affair) if he is not emeting her needs emotionally.
Bottom line, if neither need is being met and no one wants to try to salvage it or even if one does, it wont work, so end it.
__________________ "Sometimes its best to consider the source."
The same reasson a man shouldn't be shocked when his wife or SO goes out and gets involved in an affair of the heart, (emotional affair) if he is not emeting her needs emotionally.
Bottom line, if neither need is being met and no one wants to try to salvage it or even if one does, it wont work, so end it.
Yes yes! And the very title of this thread which includes the term "put out" leads one to believe the emotional needs are NOT being met.
My take is that there's never a justification for cheating. Walk.
Yes.
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It is because he cannot give an accurate account of the reason for his emotions that even the wisest man is fanatical on the subject of music.
- Stendhal
If the person is that unhappy in a sexless relationship then they should just walk. NOT CHEAT. That's a passive agressive and immature way to deal with the problem.
Maybe the SO who isn't getting sex is the issue..not the one who ends up heartbroken because their partner is a scum bag.
You hear it all the time: Women who do not have sex with their BF/Fiance/Husband regularly. Then, all of a sudden when they find out their SO cheats, they are heartbroken. Why? Why are the heartbroken if they were turning down their SO for sex and they went and got it elsewhere.
Someone please give me a rational explanation for this.
You hear one side of the story. Relationships are a bit more completed than that and only the two people in a relationship know what the dynamics are within that relationship.
You hear one side of the story. Relationships are a bit more completed than that and only the two people in a relationship know what the dynamics are within that relationship.
What is the other side of the story?
I think withholding sex... and that's essentially what we are talking about here... causes emotional withholding. So, instead of making things in a relationship better it makes things worse.
I am completely against women who want to use sex as a barganing chip. It's wrong and generally unexcusable. I see it as saying "I don't love you anymore." At that point... it's probably best to go find someone else who does... and hopefully isn't as petty.
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leads one to believe the emotional needs are NOT being met.
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