He's in a circle of friends that I have, but I've recently gotten to know him a little more. Problem is, I hooked up with his roommate one night and became good friends with him for a few weeks after that (only hooked up once though). Then he told me that he's having an affair with a married woman, and he didn't want her to know about he and I! Well, I lost interest over time anyway.
Then I realized it was really the other guy I liked all along..and he's available...every time I hung out at their place I ended talking with him more than guy 1. Last time I was there, I sensed he might like me too...but I could be wrong. Anyway, Guy 1 stopped calling me about a week ago, suddenly after calling every day before. So our mutual friends that know Guy 2, keep telling me to take a chance and call him to ask him out. They think he's a good guy and good for me. They say forget about what Guy 1 thinks.
Question is, should I go about this as though nothing happened with his roommate? Or should I explain that we just lost interest and I really liked him all along? Would Guy 1 get ticked, even though he doesn't call me anymore? Should I even care? Also, would Guy 2 just think I"m a gal who hops dudes? (well, I am single, so I guess that could be true)...I have no interest in Guy 1 what so ever, and I'm glad he stopped calling. But since they are roommates, I wonder if it's all better left alone or if I should wait a while.
Sorry LL, but STOP 'hooking up" and use that energy to find a compatible mate.
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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's pupils." - Louis-Hector Berlioz
[quote=melodymatters;1723408]Sorry LL, but STOP 'hooking up" and use that energy to find a compatible mate.
I am not looking to "hook up" with this guy, I just want to ask him out because we get along well...isn't that the 1st step to finding a "compatible mate"? Doesn't it take energy to get the nerve for that? Yea, I think it does.
the YES LL ! give it a shot ! I was referring to past ( and hopefully not future) actions !
good luck !!!!
Oh yes the past is a different story...and hooking up with Guy 1 WAS a mistake, especially since I like his roommate, but hopefully it's something we can just all get past as friends....that is, if I DO get the nerve to call Ken, I think I should now because everyone's encouraging it, it'll just take some nerve considering the situation and of course, there is always the risk of rejection...I also just don't know how to word things...
"It just didn't work out with your roommate and I. I would like to ask you out"......??
Well I just spoke a friend of mine who is egging me on to call Ken, but she also said it wouldn't hurt to wait a few more days, since Guy 1 only stopped calling about a week ago. I guess it makes sense to let that fade out a little longer, to avoid too much awkwardness...a few more days might not even be enough? I only wonder if I might lose the nerve to do it by then...but we'll see...thanks
hmmm, this is a bit of an awkward situation. I am assuming that since the guys are roomies that they are also friends?
I do know that my guy friends all have "a code"... that they don't hook up with or date friend's ex's... no matter how extensively they dated. They just don't do it out of respect for one another.
If you feel like you don't have anything to lose out of this- which I don't see that you do... then go ahead and ask. If guy#1 stopped calling, it may be because he actually sensed a mutual attraction between you and his friend, and it may have pissed him off a little. Even though you see your hook up with the first guy to be a mistake- and he may see it that way as well... that still doesn't mean he doesn't have a feeling of entitlement (even if it's irrational).
I guess the best way to look at it is if the situations were reversed- how okay would you be with it if someone you hooked up with wanted to date your room mate?
Personally. I don't see a problem with it as an outsider- but the two guys may have a problem with it for different reasons. Guy #1- because he was with you first- and Guy#2 may like you...but may not feel he can go out with you because of his friend.
hmmm, this is a bit of an awkward situation. I am assuming that since the guys are roomies that they are also friends?
I do know that my guy friends all have "a code"... that they don't hook up with or date friend's ex's... no matter how extensively they dated. They just don't do it out of respect for one another.
If you feel like you don't have anything to lose out of this- which I don't see that you do... then go ahead and ask. If guy#1 stopped calling, it may be because he actually sensed a mutual attraction between you and his friend, and it may have pissed him off a little. Even though you see your hook up with the first guy to be a mistake- and he may see it that way as well... that still doesn't mean he doesn't have a feeling of entitlement (even if it's irrational).
I guess the best way to look at it is if the situations were reversed- how okay would you be with it if someone you hooked up with wanted to date your room mate?
Personally. I don't see a problem with it as an outsider- but the two guys may have a problem with it for different reasons. Guy #1- because he was with you first- and Guy#2 may like you...but may not feel he can go out with you because of his friend.
Pretty much all of that has crossed my mind. I did wonder if Guy 1 sensed something, but I don't know. In fact, maybe its why he hasn't called, to prevent any further attraction between his roommate and I? Could it be? Cuz everything was cool when we saw each other last, so I just don't know how to explain his switch from calling every single day never. Even though he told me more about his affair...as friends, we were still totally cool. When I left his house last weekend, I didn't even say good bye to Ken...but I gave Guy 1 a little kiss. Heck, it could just be that he up and decided he isn't interested anymore, like I did! But I realize this wouldn't necessarily make things less awkward between the 3 of us. That's why I should put off calling Ken for a little while, though I'm itching to do it soon.
One girl friend of mine who knows these guys, actually just started dating the roommate of an ex herself (we are all in the same circle of friends here!)...she was worried about awkwardness too, but said it didn't turn out to be as bad as she thought. She told me, as you did D Lish, what is there to lose? Worst that can happen is Ken says no. When or if I call him, I guess it might be respectable of me to say I understand if he thinks it would p*ss off his roomie, and that's that. But part of me thinks, he would just have to get over it - because #1 he has a (married) girlfriend which he seems pretty attached to, and #2 We only hooked up once, and never even had an official date....that's my reasoning for not caring what he thinks...however what Ken thinks would be important, of course.
I think if it comes down to having nothing to lose- then there is no harm in asking at all. The worst that can happen is that he says he can't because of his friend.
I suspect that Guy#1 sensed something was brewing between the two of you and just got a little bit bent out of shape.
I think if it comes down to having nothing to lose- then there is no harm in asking at all. The worst that can happen is that he says he can't because of his friend.
I suspect that Guy#1 sensed something was brewing between the two of you and just got a little bit bent out of shape.
DO you have K's #?
I'd say go for it if you do.
Thanks guys! Yes, one of our mutual friends gave me K's phone number.
But if Guy 1 was bent out of shape about it, won't it p*ss him off more if I make the call? Or should I even care?
But if Guy 1 was bent out of shape about it, won't it p*ss him off more if I make the call? Or should I even care?
Well he probably won't like it, but really - who gives a crap what he thinks. You're not into him anymore so you have nothing to lose where he is concerned.
Well he probably won't like it, but really - who gives a crap what he thinks. You're not into him anymore so you have nothing to lose where he is concerned.
Glad I"m not the only one who feels that way. Especially if he has a "girlfriend" (if that's what you want to call an affair with a married woman), who gives a crap! Ok...now it's just a matter of when I'm going to do this...and building up the nerve to do it...now that I'm no longer concerned about Guy 1's feelings...f*ck him, he'd have to get over it...whether or not K will feel that way is another story...I'm going to try and just get it done in the next few days, maybe the weekend..I'm nervous but anxious too.
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