[ranblo]

This came almost out of nowhere.. i met a woman in malaysia and we fell in love. I returned to canada and back to work. 5 months later and an hour a day of phoning, msn etc, we decided to get engaged. so in may we got engaged. i had to come back to canada until we got her a visa to visit. she got her visa finally and the next day she said she just wants to be friends ... that we are incompatible. i had a bad jealousy problem because she went on trips a lot and didnt sms or phone very much.. she said im too demanding and it wont work. how can someone go from one day of loving and being excited to see you.. to the next day of saying we should just be friends??? im soo heart broken.. i did soo much to make this work...

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

She probably thought you were compatible after five months (which isn't really that much time to get to know someone, especially ld), and realized afterward that you weren't. You should be thankful this happened early on and not AFTER you got married.

[Ronni_W]

Originally Posted by ranblo

how can someone go from one day of loving and being excited to see you.. to the next day of saying we should just be friends???

A broken engagement is difficult -- give yourself all the time and kindness you need, to move through and beyond it.

There is a HUGE difference in excitement/anticipation of a future event, and then realizing that it is about to become one's reality. She came to her senses about EVERYTHING that going through with it would have meant...all the changes, being far away from her family and friends, adjusting to customs & culture of a new country, create a happy social circle, find a fulfilling job, possibly upgrade her skills, etc., etc.

As previous poster said, neither of you really knew each other well enough to make a life-long commitment to each other.

In time, you may even find that you were also more loving the 'buzz' of anticipation and the idea of all of it, rather than what it would have meant to you had it become your reality.

Sending hugs and good luck.

[GPFan]

It is a huge commitment to someone she hasn't really known that long. This is further exacerbated by the distance. What if you were to find the two of you are like oil and water? She would be stranded in your country while you go merrily on your way with family and friends as usual. Scary!

Be friends for now. I know it hurts but she hasn't asked you to go away, she may just need more time.

[Leikela]

Like everyone else said, you cannot possibly know someone after 5 months of dating, especially long distance. Marriage here, in my opinion, was rushed, and perhaps your ex-fiance realized this. Your jealousy issues most likely turned her off as well. It's probably for the best it ended now as opposed to much later when it would be more difficult to let go.

[AnLandy]

I agree that your fiance was probably having second thoughts about relocating half a world away with no safety net in place. My fiance and I went through something similar. Once my home was under contract, and we were actually looking for rentals together, the whole commitment just became a little too "real". We both had a major freak out, and all of the doubts came to the surface.

We decided to end our relationship this past Saturday night. I spent today collecting my things from his apartment, dropping his key off, and cancelling our vacation plans for next month. I also called the woman who was buying my home and informed her that the sale would not go through.

I wasn't facing nearly the same degree of change that your fiance was, but I had to listen to my own doubts. In the end, I realize that the doubts have been building for months, and that the momentum of the situation was propelling us forward. We were so rapped up in the romance and the excitement of the moment, that we weren't really focusing on the future.

Ironically, my ex also asked to be my friend. I told him to give me two weeks without contact so I could let my feelings settle. I still haven't made up my mind about being friends.

If you think that you can be her friend, then make the offer to be her friend. Just because you were once engaged does not mean that you are under any obligation to continue having a relationship with her.

If you think that being her friend will benefit your life, then it's reasonable to pursue it.