Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
My BF is taking some serious babysteps..considering cheating
Friends,
I hooked up with this guy about 6 weeks ago. He's really nice and intelligent and somewhat deep in his Faith. Also emotionally and financially very stable; and he treats me like a queen ..so in short I like him a lot and see my future with him. He tells me he likes me a lot too. We have had several dates maybe around 8. It's always the same routine, lunch or dinner, movies, walk in park, sightseeing, cruising, very innocent stuff. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours. He seems to enjoy me as much as I enjoy him, and several times he has mentioned that he feels so lucky to have met me. I gather, from my conversation with him, he has been used a lot by women. He has dated a lot of gangsta type of women, and I'm totally opposite of that.
Anyway, my problem is: he has never initiated any sexual gesture towards me apart from a kiss, which we only had for the 1st time last Sunday, and which I initiated. Sometimes we hold hands and he ocassionally gives me lustful looks, but that's it. Okay, so I'm getting kinda impatient.
2nd problem with this person is that he's available to me from Sunday to Thursday, come Fri and Sat he kinda dissapears. It's sort of impossible to get him on Friday nights and Saturday mornings; he may emerge sometime around Saturday afternoon and come up with some story. It's always work, or hanging out with friends in a noisy place so didn't hear the phone ringing, or I forgot my phone in car etc etc. I have stopped calling him on Fris and Sats, and he doesn't neither.
I understand that we've been dating for only 6 weeks and that he may still be seeing other people, since perhaps ours is not yet a firm deal, but where does that put me? I practically do not have any other connection with other guys besides him.
Now my ex-BF whom I broke up with about 3 months ago, came running back last week with phonecalls and text messages, asking if we could get together and that he misses me and all. He promises that he'll be a better person this time and apologizes for all the pain he caused. The reason why I broke up with this person is that I always came last in his list of priorities, he basically didn't give me his time of the day. I'm not sure if he cheated or not. So I'm really tempted to hook up with this guy for now, on temporary basis. I'm not interested in anything further than sex. My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend.
Okay, so I don't see my current guy giving me any, anytime soon, and this ex whom I used to really enjoy having sex with, is throwing himself at me, at the exact time when I'm so sexually frustrated. I need advice/thoughts from you guys; 1st, why is my BF taking too long, I mean is this normal? He's not getting over a relationship or anything and I'm so very sure he's attracted to me a lot. So, why?
2nd, if I should really get it on with my ex, but I think I can guess your answers to that... I mean all this could have been avoided if my BF took that step further, but all he talks about is next visit to the park and if we should eat Italian of Japanese next time.
dump the new guy, because obviously he's not in a position to give you what you want. Even though he may be hesitant to go fast with a "nice girl" (you're the antithesis of the kind of women he's dated), even though he might be trying very hard to walk the walk of his faith, he just does not sound like what you need right now.
your ex, on the other hand, is perfect because you can restrict him to being just a booty call. I highly doubt he's reformed to a point where he'll put you first the way a partner should be put first in a relationship, but the added bonus is that you know you'll get good sex from him AND you'll be in control of the relationship.
you obviously have certain needs that the new guy is not capable of meeting at this point in time, so why waste anymore time trying to turn him into a boyfriend?
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
you obviously have certain needs that the new guy is not capable of meeting at this point in time, so why waste anymore time trying to turn him into a boyfriend?
As a guy... I'm going to say the EXACT opposite of Quank.
First, messing around with your ex would kill any future you have with your BF. It's a really bad sign from a personal standpoint that you would even consider it.
Now, with your current BF... don't be a weenie! Talk to him about sex. Find out why he is not pushing for it.
Nobody respects passive aggressive losers... so stop thinking like that! He isn't giving you what you want because your too afraid to ask for it. That isn't his fault... it's yours, and your not talking to him is not justification for sleeping with your X.
I see it as why waste her time when her obvious goal is sex, and she knows she's got a good, constant and ready source for lovin' from her ex?
while "My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend" it doesn't seem to be enough to make her stop and question HIM how he feels about sex, but rather makes her look for it from other avenues as a stop-gap.
Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.
That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.
I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.
I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.
__________________ "Cause we need a little controversy, Cause it feels so empty without me..."
As a guy... I'm going to say the EXACT opposite of Quank.
First, messing around with your ex would kill any future you have with your BF. It's a really bad sign from a personal standpoint that you would even consider it.
Now, with your current BF... don't be a weenie! Talk to him about sex. Find out why he is not pushing for it.
Nobody respects passive aggressive losers... so stop thinking like that! He isn't giving you what you want because your too afraid to ask for it. That isn't his fault... it's yours, and your not talking to him is not justification for sleeping with your X.
See, I'm just so confused as I have never been in a situation like this where a guy is so slow and I have to prompt him for sex, but I'll try and bring it up with him.
Quote:
I see it as why waste her time when her obvious goal is sex, and she knows she's got a good, constant and ready source for lovin' from her ex?
while "My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend" it doesn't seem to be enough to make her stop and question HIM how he feels about sex, but rather makes her look for it from other avenues as a stop-gap.
My goal is not just sex, but I'm one of those who believe sex is a very important aspect of any healthy relationship.
Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.
I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.
I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.
Thanks Jilly, I also think this is a red flag too, but I'm not sure if 6 weeks is enough to make any conclusions? Or I'm just in denial. He dissapears a lot of Friday nights, he usually emerges Saturday afternoon. He claimes that they have a big project going on that's supposed to end before June 30, and that after June 30 he will be less busy and available most of the time. So I'm waiting to see. So far, we have been spending all Sundays together.
Quote:
That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.
Could be, since I'm "nice" and don't push as hard..
It's tough to tell. Perhaps there is a big project he is working on, but then why the suspicions about his whereabouts? I really believe those with nothing to hide aren't hiding anything...
Sucks that the nice girl doesn't get the short end of the stick sometimes - lol.
Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.
That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.
I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.
I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.
See, I'm just so confused as I have never been in a situation like this where a guy is so slow and I have to prompt him for sex, but I'll try and bring it up with him.
You need to be able to talk to him... or any other guy you date for that matter. Otherwise it wont work.
Maybe he is thinking your not ready. Sometimes men can misread your signals. If your straight with him... he should appreciate that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shygirl15
My goal is not just sex, but I'm one of those who believe sex is a very important aspect of any healthy relationship.
He may believe it's best to wait for reason's of faith. At that point, you have three good options. Wait for him, dump him, or corrupt him.
Oh, and just because you can't get ahold of him 1 evening a week, does not mean he is seeing other women. That is not enough evidence by itself. It would be stupid to assume otherwise.
Why on earth would you ponder ruining the potential relationship with the guy that you really dig before at least talking to him about it? I don't think that it's at all unreasonable to tell him that you are interested in taking "the next step" with him and that you could do that without necessarily creating an uncomfortable situation. I would think that the weekend thing will probably sort itself out once you have that part taken care of.
fyi - it really is funny to think of someone who regularly dates "gangsta types" as you put it as a big prude.
One day we were talking about seeing each other the next day, and he said he wants to enjoy every minute of it so he'll take his vitamins (it sounded like sex was on the menu), so I was like 'WHAAT?' (in annoyed tone, but I was pretending anyway), so he rephrased it and said, oh I just want to have enough energy to take you around and stuff, so I said okay. I think this is what killed it completely.
Question for guys: how would you take it if your new GF is asking for sex, I'm mean is that flattering or embarrassing or red flag?
I think you're the one who assumed that "ghetto girl" referred to race.
Having been a ghetto girl in my past, I have to say that ghetto girls come in all races, shapes, sizes and creeds. I happen to be half asian and half white, myself. It's about the attitude, not the race.
__________________
I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
..so in short I like him a lot and see my future with him. He tells me he likes me a lot too. We have had several dates maybe around 8. It's always the same routine, lunch or dinner, movies, walk in park, sightseeing, cruising, very innocent stuff. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours. He seems to enjoy me as much as I enjoy him, and several times he has mentioned that he feels so lucky to have met me. I gather, from my conversation with him, he has been used a lot by women. He has dated a lot of gangsta type of women, and I'm totally opposite of that.
Linear Mode
