[seamaid]

Has anybody (or anyone you know) ever been in a relationship where the parties initially disliked each other? But felt a strong chemistry despite it or perhaps because of it? And eventually the chemistry turned into a passionate love?

It happens in romantic movies quite often, but I was wondering if things like that ever happened in real life. Pride and Prejudice, anyone?

[Independence_Day]

Um, sort of. There was this guy at my church that every girl had a crush (in varying degrees) on. I on the other hand couldn't stand him. I remember one time we were stacking chairs and he came over and talked to me while we stacked chairs. I don't even remember what he said. I just looked up at him and glared. He shut up and I left. That sort of thing happened quite often at the beginning, in varying degrees. Somewhere in there, I stopped hating him and actually became friends with him. And then from there we started flirting and stuff. He asked me out, but I ended up having to say no because I wasn't old enough to date. But we still flirted, joked around. He even said "I love you" and held my hand.

[Tony T]

Originally Posted by seamaid

Has anybody (or anyone you know) ever been in a relationship where the parties initially disliked each other? But felt a strong chemistry despite it or perhaps because of it? And eventually the chemistry turned into a passionate love?

It happens in romantic movies quite often, but I was wondering if things like that ever happened in real life. Pride and Prejudice, anyone?

Nature's PURPOSE in chemistry is to bring male and female together for procreation. It does it's job well. Problem is, when nature plotted all this out there was no such thing as relationships (as we know them today) and marriage. Nature's ONLY concern was reproducing the planet.

So when chemistry happens and later mimics love in many cases (oxytocin is the chemical), we can have some strong feelings for the love object. But once those nature induced chemicals have diminished, if there isn't a nature fondness based on common values, beliefs and interest you have absolutely no basis for a relationship and, according to what I watch on TV sometimes, even murder can occur.

Don't be fooled into thinking that love emanates from dislike. On the other hand, the if the dislike is based on misunderstanding and misinformation and two people learn much more about each other that is GOOD....that could work out well. Oddly, there are so many times when couples see ONLY good in each other from the get-go and it eventually goes down the tubes. Chemistry is meant to blinds us from seeing the crap that would otherwise block the reproductive function.

This love stuff isn't easy!

[seamaid]

Thanks for replying guys.. interesting responses!

Independence_Day, that's a very cute story. It's remarkable that initial repulsion *can* gradually change into "love" with time.... and understanding.

Which leads me to what TonyT said about "if the dislike is based on misunderstanding and misinformation and two people learn much more about each other that is GOOD", this is exactly what happens in the romantic books and movies I speak of: if the two parties were TRULY disagreeable and had genuinely dislikable personalities, it would never blossom into love. The hatred is often based on presumptions and lack of understanding.. which are cleared up at the end when the hated romantic interest proves him/herself as actually someone with a good heart.

I suppose from the standpoint of creating a good story, with a 'happy ending', it's more satisfying to show a relationship that overcomes the perceived flaws of the other person and then falls in love, rather than the opposite (more common) route of falling head-over-heels first, only to grow apart because it was based on false ideals.

Honestly there are so many romantic stories (written by women) that follow this model: Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, Elizabeth and Darcy from Pride & Prejudice, Margaret and Mr Thornton from North and South, Scarlett and Rhett from GWTW... these are just the ones that top the list. But it doesn't seem all too common in real life!