Once they get what they want and get married to the woman they love.
they stop saying I love you's, they stop saying I miss you's. they stop giving you roses in your birthday or anniversary etc. but when you asked them "do you still love me" ? and will gave you "yes i love you".
what's up with that ?
__________________
"Love and Lust are the fruits of life
do not allow them to spoil".
Once they get what they want and get married to the woman they love.
they stop saying I love you's, they stop saying I miss you's. they stop giving you roses in your birthday or anniversary etc. but when you asked them "do you still love me" ? and will gave you "yes i love you".
what's up with that ?
I think men can still love the women they marry, but crave sexual variety after years of being monogamous with the same woman.
But that said, I don't think that has anything to do with why they stop being as thoughtful. I think women do this too, and it is just because we become complacent and take our spouse for granted.
How many women go out of their way to be attractive in the beginning of a relationship, only to let themselves go once they're married. When we're in the courting stage often we'll wear sexy lingerie, watch what we eat, take care of our bodies, groom ourselves meticulously.. as we get comfortable we start sliding in some or all of these departments.
It is the same for men. They're presenting you with their best in the beginning to try and lure you in, if you will.
I have given my wife roses before, do I do it every birthday and anniversary? NO, how boring and predictable is that?
After being married awhile, love to my wife is little things such as helping out around the house. Sitting on the couch watching a movie together, etc.
I see it similar to campaign promises made during an election season: When the wooing starts, all kinds of promises are made, and things done to sway your intended's favor. Once you've gotten what you wanted, you feel like you really don't need to do anymore work toward the relationship ... politicians don't necessarily have to follow thru on promises, and lovers don't have to work as hard to win over that person.
frankly, I think it sucks, but you have to learn to pick your battles. Yeah, it hurts that my husband doesn't think he shouldn't have to bring me flowers because it's just stupid ... but come summer, he does a fantastic job of keeping my rose bushes alive AND surprising me with their blooms.
you also need to let him know that while you understand that he's not comfortable doing what he considers "grand gestures" (flowers, candy, etc), you sure do appreciate those times he DOES think of you "just because," and that they mean more to you than he realizes
__________________ "It's the longest Hail Mary pass in the history of either football or Marys," said Rep. Barney Frank, one of the chief bailout negotiators.
Do you tell him you love him on a regular basis? Do you do things for him that speak of love? If so, how does he reciprocate? If his responses are unsatisfactory, have you addressed it with him, in a mature fashion?
__________________ Think, think, think... -Winnie the Pooh
you also need to let him know that while you understand that he's not comfortable doing what he considers "grand gestures" (flowers, candy, etc), you sure do appreciate those times he DOES think of you "just because," and that they mean more to you than he realizes[/quote]
This is so true!!! You have to be willing to open your eyes and see the gestures of love that may be subtle but are just as sincere as the grand gestures in the beginning of the rel'ship.
Sure the roses, and boxes of candy and jewelery and poetic gestures of romance slip by the wayside, but they are replaced by other meaningful gestures of love.
At the beginning of every winter my husband makes sure that my car is in top shape so that I am safe driving in the bad weather. If I'm away when my fav shows are on TV, H will make sure they get recorded so I can watch them at another time, or when we are at the beach, he will scour for a shady spot, knowing how easily I burn when out in the sun.
Are these things that make your heart and head swoon with romance? After many years of being married, YES, these are the exact things that show me how much he loves me.
__________________
"There are far more things in heaven and on earth, that are dreamt of in your philosophy" -Shakespeare
LOL, I was thinking of the car-warming thing and the foot rubs after my last post, too!
we all have our ways of showing love that don't necessarily fall under the "accepted/approved" guidelines that hollywood or romance novels insist they should be, and we ought to respect that. Because those little things they do are from *their* hearts and not copied off some cheat-sheet to romance.
so open up your eyes and count the ways your partner shows love. Even if it seems negligible at the time, know that his heart is behind his actions.
like the ready supply of chocolate in my cupboard that I rarely have to supplement – it's DH's way of sharing the love.
Once they get what they want and get married to the woman they love.
And it isn't that way for women?
Quote:
they stop saying I love you's, they stop saying I miss you's.
Happens with women too. And nice generalizations here. Never once, until I found out she was a cheater, did I neglect to tell her I love her at least several times a weak.
As far as "I miss you's"...uh...whats to miss if they are always around? Now when I went away on business trips, sure, then the I miss you's were there. But why say I miss you to someone you are never away from?
Quote:
they stop giving you roses in your birthday or anniversary etc. but when you asked them "do you still love me" ? and will gave you "yes i love you".
what's up with that ?
Whats up with that? I'd say you just were unfortunate enough to get a lousy man. Just like I wound up with a lousy woman. Thats wuddup.
Location: Sheppard hall security trailer...also known as freedom
Posts: 130
Hmmm....from my experience, it's the other way around. I can't remember the last time my W told me that she loved me, without me saying it first that is.
I see it similar to campaign promises made during an election season: When the wooing starts, all kinds of promises are made, and things done to sway your intended's favor. Once you've gotten what you wanted, you feel like you really don't need to do anymore work toward the relationship ... politicians don't necessarily have to follow thru on promises, and lovers don't have to work as hard to win over that person.
I think that generally both sides "polish the apple" during courtship. Men tend to put their best emotional foot forward and women emphasize sexuality. Just as it is a rare woman that gets as many flowers after the vows are exchanged, I would think that many men would reply that they get less sexual favors also. Works both ways...
I think that generally both sides "polish the apple" during courtship. Men tend to put their best emotional foot forward and women emphasize sexuality. Just as it is a rare woman that gets as many flowers after the vows are exchanged, I would think that many men would reply that they get less sexual favors also. Works both ways...
Mr. Lucky
Less sexual favors??? You mean I'm still supposed to be getting some!? j/k
I agree, it's part of relationships that things calm down. If it sucks that bad, let the guy know he needs to spark it up and make sure you do something in return :P
I think that generally both sides "polish the apple" during courtship. Men tend to put their best emotional foot forward and women emphasize sexuality. Just as it is a rare woman that gets as many flowers after the vows are exchanged, I would think that many men would reply that they get less sexual favors also. Works both ways...
Mr. Lucky
This is a phrase I don't understand. Sex is not a favour between married couples. It should be an extension of their caring for each other.
Having said that, perhaps if both parties had been themselves during the courting period, there wouldn't be such a let down, after marriage.
This is a phrase I don't understand. Sex is not a favour between married couples. It should be an extension of their caring for each other.
Having said that, perhaps if both parties had been themselves during the courting period, there wouldn't be such a let down, after marriage.
Come as you mean to go, y'know?
Just using a phrase TBF, sorry if it left you wanting . Maybe I should have been brief and just said "they get less sex".
The scary part of the honesty and openess you propose during the courtship is that there might not be ANY marriages. Once he sees her in curlers and face cream and she sees the skidmarks in his shorts, all bets might be off...
Hmmm....from my experience, it's the other way around. I can't remember the last time my W told me that she loved me, without me saying it first that is.
Very true. Once a man falls in love he tends to stay there while a woman can turn on a man in a heartbeat.
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. Maybe I should have been brief and just said "they get less sex".
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