it's nice to discover this internet community since i can get some support in here
so my girlfriend left me 3 months ago, we had been together for 6 years before the breakup (we are "firsts" to each other). to my understanding, she broke up with me basically because i wasn't able to relieve her work-related stress as well as her parents/coworkers, making her to think that she might be able to find a better guy in the future. in addition, she couldn't really stand my parents' personalities and their ways to deal with different issues. in the first 2 months of the breakup i did most of the wrong moves, i realized that those are bad so i have stopped already
it is very hard for me to do NC with her because i have a commitment with her parents (i think they like me, but i am not sure whether they are at "my side" right now) and i have to go to her place (we both live with our own parents) about once per week, we have mutual friends as well. beside that we are having as little communication as possible. now she only finds me when she face some significant obsticles with her life/work and no one else seems to understand her (i guess i am still the one who understand her the most). of course, while having as little contact as possible i am also trying to work on myself, and i believe that i am making a good progress
so lately she mentioned to me that she wants to move onto another relationship. i didn't make a fuss about it, instead i showed my understanding and wish her the best. after some "investigations", i found out that the "other guy" is actually a guy who she dated for a few weeks during our last breakup 4 years ago (after that she went back to me). so i need some opinion: am i looking at a "pattern" here? what is the chance for this time to follow the "pattern" again?
another thing - due to the commitment with her parents, i sometimes have supper at her home. last time when i have dinner with them, i initiated some small chats and the conversation went pretty well i think (they dont usually chat during dinner, and my girlfriend only talks to her mother), on the other hand, after my girlfriend finished dinner, instead of going back to her room normally, she just stayed in the kitchen and stared at us talking. so here comes another question: was she trying to see if i have changed through these months, or was she simply pissed off because i was doing something that she dont usually do (chatting with both of her parents during dinner)?
i really hope that i can get her back soon since i really want to take care of her. i am starting medical school this fall (i decide to go for it because of her. i want to give her a less stressful future by providing some financial security) so i would like to have some emotional support as well. but i know that this cannot be pushed, if we are destined to be together, we will be eventually.
so that's all for now, i am looking forward to your replies. thanks in advance!
Well sorry dude, a mile of things I could say but I will just say that there is no reason on this planet that you "need" to have a meal with or see her parents.
I am sure you have two thousand "excuses" for that but they are all total rubbish that you are using to justify this ridiculous notion you have in your head as a method to get her back.
Stop, she is your ex, pull back, walk away, grow a backbone, stop making excuses to remain in her life as it is frankly killing your chances and making you look pathetic.
Get a life and live it as THAT is your best chance.
Well sorry dude, a mile of things I could say but I will just say that there is no reason on this planet that you "need" to have a meal with or see her parents.
I am sure you have two thousand "excuses" for that but they are all total rubbish that you are using to justify this ridiculous notion you have in your head as a method to get her back.
Stop, she is your ex, pull back, walk away, grow a backbone, stop making excuses to remain in her life as it is frankly killing your chances and making you look pathetic.
Get a life and live it as THAT is your best chance.
Exactly, and please, don't follow the path your ex wants you to follow, choose it yourself.
badbrit: it was a long-term commitment with her mother (which is totally unrelated to my past relationship), and i am not a person who likes to break commitments. now with the commitment done, i can truly leave her alone for awhile.
tommiw: if you are talking about my decision to go to medical school, i can confidently tell you that it is my own decision, frankly i feel offended when everyone (including her and my parents) thinks that i choose to go to medical school because someone wants me to...for sure i consider other people's opinions/feelings/situations when i was considering the path, but ultimately its ME who made the final decision, not others
update: apparently the relationship that she intends to move onto doesn't work out, in addition to the nature of her job, she seems quite depressed right now. but i guess i will keep pulling up my pants and leave her alone for now. if she needs me she will eventually approach to me
tommiw: if you are talking about my decision to go to medical school, i can confidently tell you that it is my own decision, frankly i feel offended when everyone (including her and my parents) thinks that i choose to go to medical school because someone wants me to...for sure i consider other people's opinions/feelings/situations when i was considering the path, but ultimately its ME who made the final decision, not others
update: apparently the relationship that she intends to move onto doesn't work out, in addition to the nature of her job, she seems quite depressed right now. but i guess i will keep pulling up my pants and leave her alone for now. if she needs me she will eventually approach to me
Well I thought that because you wrote
"i decide to go for it because of her. i want to give her a less stressful future by providing some financial security" or did you mean that you were still together when you decided that?
And good for you, leave her alone and let her approach you.
Well I thought that because you wrote
"i decide to go for it because of her. i want to give her a less stressful future by providing some financial security" or did you mean that you were still together when you decided that?
And good for you, leave her alone and let her approach you.
we were still together when i decide almost two years ago
YOU NEED TO BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARENTS.
I know, I've been there. In the back of your mind you think that's it ok. That you can handle it and it won't be a problem. But trust me, the longer you hang on to her parents the more they will be a crutch and an excuse for you to pester your ex into taking you back. Believe me, a relationship with her parents isn't going to make her want you back. A good, confident woman will not consult her parents on who she dates. Much the same, if her parents approve of you or not, it won't make a difference if she loves you.
Break off the relationship with her parents. It's tough. I know, I've been there. But it's necessary and the RIGHT thing to do. Then get your tail to a gym and find some hobbies to focus your time on. Six years is a long time and I understand where you are coming from but right now you need to pull yourself together and accept the situation for what it is. You have ZERO control over her and you can't force her to come back. You can however force her away for good by pursing her, being needy or clingy or trying to use her parents to manipulate her back into your life.
It isn't going to work.
Trust me.
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
YOU NEED TO BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARENTS.
I know, I've been there. In the back of your mind you think that's it ok. That you can handle it and it won't be a problem. But trust me, the longer you hang on to her parents the more they will be a crutch and an excuse for you to pester your ex into taking you back. Believe me, a relationship with her parents isn't going to make her want you back. A good, confident woman will not consult her parents on who she dates. Much the same, if her parents approve of you or not, it won't make a difference if she loves you.
Break off the relationship with her parents. It's tough. I know, I've been there. But it's necessary and the RIGHT thing to do. Then get your tail to a gym and find some hobbies to focus your time on. Six years is a long time and I understand where you are coming from but right now you need to pull yourself together and accept the situation for what it is. You have ZERO control over her and you can't force her to come back. You can however force her away for good by pursing her, being needy or clingy or trying to use her parents to manipulate her back into your life.
It isn't going to work.
Trust me.
I agree fully, I realised this also through the hard way. Contacting my ex's mother was just some weird excuse to hang on to the past. It's easier to just let go in long term.
Well sorry dude, a mile of things I could say but I will just say that there is no reason on this planet that you "need" to have a meal with or see her parents.
I am sure you have two thousand "excuses" for that but they are all total rubbish that you are using to justify this ridiculous notion you have in your head as a method to get her back.
Stop, she is your ex, pull back, walk away, grow a backbone, stop making excuses to remain in her life as it is frankly killing your chances and making you look pathetic.
Get a life and live it as THAT is your best chance.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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