How to know if it is alright to kiss a girl at the end of the date??
Ok, if anyone read my other post, you'll know I am pretty green at dating. Like banana green. So, it seems we are going to a nice restaurant in the city this weekend. How do I know if it is alright to kiss her at the end of the date? I assume we'll hug, and then as I pull away, do I go for the kiss? I've screwed this up plenty of times, and waited for the girl to kiss me. Yea, lame for someone in their 20's, but again, very green on this dating thing. Any tips or suggestions, that would be fantastic. Yes, I also know I am over analyzing this, but I've done this for everything I have done in the past until I get comfortable.... As painful and a bit humiliating as it is.
Here is a tactic that has worked well for me recently when I've been doing the "good-bye" hug. As you hug, go in for a polite kiss on the cheek. Women I've been hanging around recently, both those who there's an attraction to and those who I'm friendly with on a strictly platonic level, seem to like that as a goodbye once they get to know/like me (I picked up after a couple had done it and now I'm doing it automatically). When you go in for the kiss on the cheek, make it in close proximity to their mouths. If there's chemistry, you'll both find yourself moving closer for a full on kiss. The cool thing about this is that it feels like neither of you fully "initiated" it and it seems like a random romantic moment (being totally sincere, I still think it was the girl who made it a full on kiss/make-out the first two times). If there isn't chemistry and it's just a peck on the cheek, you havn't made an ass of yourself and have no reason to feel awkward. I've actually had one case where I kissed her on the cheek, pulled back, said something nice (expecting she we were done), and then my "sweet" comment apparently prompted her to give me a full kiss before running inside.
This is the most "risk-free" way of doing things. If you've got a little courage though, you can try something boulder and perhaps a bit sweeter which is finding a nice/charming way to ask permission to kiss. I've been told by tons of female friends that they LOVE it when a guy asks permission to kiss. Just find a really suave way to ask (watch chick flicks if need be). I one time spent a week coming up with the perfect line to ask for a kiss (and it lead perhaps the best end-date ever and a 2.5 year relationship in which we happily reminissed about the kiss until the end). This method does involve putting yourself out there though. I once was hanging out with a girl for a while at a club, had a nice moment alone, then asked permission and got told, "I'm married." I apologized, didn't beat myself up over it, and then had my friends tell me, "you need to try to get with her!" I explained the situation and they all said, "really? She's been coming on to you like a drunken prom date." In that case, I kind of realized that asking permission made her actually consider what she was doing which is why backed off. She probably wanted me to kiss her on the spur of the moment and thus not have it be her choice, just a happy accident that she could then not take responsibility for. So, I guess it was a mistake then except I wouldn't want to be messing around with a married woman in the first place so I'm still glad I asked.
I guess more than anything you have to not put too much pressure on the whole thing. When you're trying to get comfortable on the dating scene (and I still am too to a large extent); everything seems like the end-all be-all. That's not an attitude that serves you. Relax. Experiment. Find what works for you. And then take as much of a risk as you feel comfortable with. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! You should probably try to slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone so you get better at these things but the key word is "slowly." Don't go from being "Mr. Shy Guy" one moment to pouncing on a poor girl at the end of the night (though that has served me once or twice). This stuff ain't easy. You're gonna screw it up a number of times. Resolve yourself to that and do the best you can.
I won't pretend I'm an expert on this issue, but I would recommend you try to avoid playing this through in your mind too much. The more you try to plan how things are going to go, the more nervous you'll get when it doesn't go that way. Soak up the moment, don't predict it.
__________________ We may be sitting on the rooftop instead of painting the town pink, but that's a pretty good time in my mind.
Not really sure if this is going to happen now. Even though she did call me, and we spoke on the tele for over an hour, and she agreed to go out on a date, she's not gotten back to me on which restaurant she wants to go to. Granted its only been about a day, I do not feel it would help me if I ran after and called her. Different girl, same game.
[quote=jimbo;1719113
she's not gotten back to me on which restaurant she wants to go to. Granted its only been about a day,
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WTF ! It is YOUR job to plan the date and choose the restaurant.That includes the time that you will be by to pick her up.
You do not ask a woman to pick the restaurant for gawd's sake. You choose a local restaurant that YOU like and reserve a table, then you call her and tell that she is .." the lucky lady who's is coming with me to my favorite restaurant Friday bight,. Pick you up at 8..."t
You need some testos dude. Asking a girl to pick out the eatery is what "door mats" do and they end in the FZ after diving her around and buying her free food and drinks for a month. .
Considering I live in south Jersey and she lives in Delaware, I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere in the middle. She said sure. I sent her five different restaurants I found on Yahoo. Asked her which was appealing to her. Can really read her mind... If it was somewhere are here, then sure, I would pick it. But I cannot really pick a place where I've never been too.
Considering I live in south Jersey and she lives in Delaware, I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere in the middle. She said sure. I sent her five different restaurants I found on Yahoo. Asked her which was appealing to her. Can really read her mind... If it was somewhere are here, then sure, I would pick it. But I cannot really pick a place where I've never been too.
Yes you can pick a place. Pick any place .It is what YOU are expected to do.
The way you start a dating relationship sets the pace and the style of how it flows, if it develops. YOu need to take charge and LEAD the dates. DO NOT pussyfoot around hoping that she will like your choices -if she is interested in YOU it won't matter much where you take her. What matters most is that YOU take control and drive this bus.
I think you should narrow it down to a couple of restaurants. Ask her, what do you like? Italian? Thai? Indian? If she likes Indian, then look for an Indian restaurant and let her know you found something that looks good.
I agree that you have to take some more control here. I would be a little annoyed if the guy gave me 5 r 6 choices. It tells me that he isn't taking the effort to find something good. I want some effort! Show me you want to make a good night for me.
Just make sure you run it by her. I hate seafood. Like, hate it. One time this guy asked me out and he picked everything out for the evening. I didn't realize it was a seafood restaurant until we got to the place. Made things a little awkward.
I hear you all, but it was only four choices. She picked though the hard one to get into on Saturday. I was imagining a Friday dinner, so I pre-arranged it for friday, since that was the only date I could get. Recommended the two other restaurants.
I am not a mind reader, and I am very very new at this dating thing. Yes, a man can go through he's 20's without dating much. My greenness should be showing through all my posts. I am just learning here. While I am trying to get better with each girl, it becomes harder to pick for them what they would like. Whatever happened to the whole independent woman thing? Just hype??
Well, I guess I got the results of the date. Got lost while going there and was about 20 minutes late. The directions I was given showed the place in one area, but it was actually a few blocks away. She dropped me off at my car, so it showed at least I was not lying about parking 3 blocks away from the restaurant. I a did apologize, and she said it was OK. Was a bit sweaty too, cause I was running to make up time and its 90 + degrees here. May had been doomed from the start, but I wanted to try and pick-up points and see where it goes.
We spent three hours or so talking during dinner, and I thought it went great. After all, she asked me if I would like a drive back to my car, which I did. Kissed her on the cheek and left. On Monday, I e-mailed her, and I've still not heard back. Even if she had no interest, she should still e-mailed back and said, thanks but I am not interested. None the less, I checked the dating site and she closed the match. I really think that was not a very smooth way to end things. I was a gentleman and paid for the dinner got her whatever she wanted. Next time, I need to pick cheaper places to go. The meal set me back $120.00 bucks.
Not sure what went wrong in her mind. We had similar interests, spoke for hours, makes no sense. This would be the first date I had (ever) which just brushed me off without a reason as to why. I think the other person, regardless of who it is, should be told something. Some people are just weird.
Okay, that pisses me off. Talk about totally being totally rude. The guy puts 120 bucks into the date and she can't even say thank you? Memo to the Ladies: at least show some common courtesy, say thank you, and explain something about why it won't work out if you don't like the guy. We won't get mad if you don't like us. Just don't be immature about it.
No offense, man, but you dropped the ball with this one.
Next time:
Pick the restaurant. Don't reply and bitch about not being a mind-reader. You don't have to be. Given the number of types of food out there, you're statistically unlikely to pick something she dislikes anyway (unless she's super picky). Just tell her, "How does [restaurant] sound?" 9 times out of 10 she'll be fine with it. If she's not then she's free to suggest something herself. It also doesn't matter if you've never been to the restaurant. There are plenty of sites online that have reviews. And even if the restaurant does suck, you can joke about it with her after the fact.
Even better: Pick two restaurants of different types. That way you have a backup to suggest if she doesn't like the first one.
Kiss her on the lips at the end of the date. A cheek kiss is weak and vague. Save the cheek kisses for relatives. Just go in confidently for the kiss, like you know she wants to be kissed. If she's interested you're good to go. If she's not then she turns away and you haven't really lost anything. Big deal.
For f**k's sake don't ask permission to kiss her. This is also weak. It makes you look like less of a man and like you lack confidence. I've never heard a girl claim she likes it when the guy asks.
Follow up the date with a phone call rather than an email.
Don't be late. That's an obvious one. If you are late, by all means apologize sincerely but don't be too apologetic. You might come across as desperate for her to like you.
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I am not usually late, but the traffic was just amazing difficult. I tried side road and everything. I apologized profusely, and she said don't worry about it. She was always smiling and very talkative. If she was not happy, why continue to always talk and then offer to drive me home? I wore a suit and everything. I really tried to make it good. We spoke on the telephone for a while too. But to close with nor reasoning... Then, not to respond to my e-mail for a reason. It was not like I took her to Wendy's or something. Maybe in the future, that should be the first date. Wendy's or BurgerKing. I was originally going for her lips, but we did not line-up so went for the cheek. She then said good bye and drove away. Not sure if the kiss was too forward, she was Irish I believe. An Italian and Irish girl, thought it would work. Who knows sometimes.
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