Hello, just wanted to start out by saying I thank anyone and everyone that replies and gives me advise. So I have been dating this girl for a few months now, on one of our first dates she told me she used to use coke, everyday, she then told me that there was nothing to worry about because she had stopped moved away from the place where she was doing it, all was well untill the other night she and a friend went up stairs for awhile, I asked her straight out what were you doing and she said just hanging out talking getting ready. Later that night I found a rolled up 10 dollar bill in her purse she came clean said she had used it the night before and tonight, I asked her why, and she said not to worry about it that she is not going to "fall" back into it she just wanted to do it, and she only bought $40 worth and that it was gone, and that she wouldn't do it again. I guess being as I have NEVER used coke I have no idea if you can go from using it everyday for like a year to just saying o ok I don't want to anymore, without some sort of help. But my question is can someone just say ok enough, or is there always going to be that craving to do it? Also with my feelings towards it should I stay and hope that she is telling the truth, or hope I can "help" her from doing it more, or cut my losses? I know that you all are not fortune tellers and can't see the future but ANY help would be GREAT!
Well this little lady is not being honest with you that for sure. Has she undergone any counciling (if not she is in dire need to), it is very and I mean very hard to just cut off an addiction (espcially if she was using the drug every day for a year!). She needs to go to some sort of a detox clinic (with or without you) and you definately need to tell her this. Not everyone and there is a tiny tiny tiny tiny percent that do it on thier own and it is very hard. I also would like to ask what type of people does she hang around with now- weeds make even the pretties flowers die.
You either need to confront her and tell her she needs help and if she absolutely flat out refuses then (I and as well many other people may think) she is indeed not looking for help to overcome it and you do need help.
I would also like to ask: when did she "quit"-- did you know her then (sorry I don't remember if you posted this)? If so she would have had a HEAVY withdrawl.When cocaine use is stopped or when a binge ends, depression (crash) follows almost immediately. This is accompanied by a strong craving for more cocaine, fatigue, pleasurelessness, anxiety, irritability, sleepiness, and sometimes agitation or paranoia.
I would also want for you to take note that no drug takes you down faster or harder than crack. There are two forms of cocaine, the powdered form that you snort, and crack that you smoke. Cocaine is so very addictive that "if you give a mouse a hit of cocaine every time it presses a lever, it will do nothing else but press that lever. It won't stop for a minute to take a sip of water or a bite to eat, and eventually it will die from a cocaine overdose. The only thing that prevents people from overdosing on crack is their bank account. Once people are addicted to crack, they will sell their soul for another hit".
Common physical signs of cocaine addiction include but are not limited to:
Red, bloodshot eyes
Runny nose or frequent sniffing
Weight loss
Increased susceptibility to illness
Increased blood pressure
Constricted blood vessels
Dilated pupils
Increased heart rate
Increased temperature
Nosebleeds
Altered motor activities (tremors, hyperactivity)
Perspiration or chills
Nausea or vomiting
In my opinion this is not a good relationship to be in-- if this is a new relationship I firmly suggest that you go from boyfriend to good friend because that is what she needs right now. She needs help very soon.
Good luck to you and keep us posted.
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
But my question is can someone just say ok enough, or is there always going to be that craving to do it?
Some can stop at will, most cannot. If she has really been using as often as she says, it would be extremely difficult for her to go cold turkey, especially if the only reason she has stopped using is because she no longer lives with other users (i.e. she hasn't stopped voluntarily ).
Quote:
Also with my feelings towards it should I stay and hope that she is telling the truth, or hope I can "help" her from doing it more, or cut my losses?
Cut your losses. She isn't telling the truth. And even if she wants to quit, it's going to be a long, hard road from where she is now. It doesn't sound like she even thinks she has a problem.
For someone who hasn't even used before, it will be almost impossible for you to understand why she is using and what it will take for her to stop. She needs to admit she has a problem, and get clean, before she will be in any state to be in a healthy relationship.
If you continue seeing her, I see only heartbreak ahead.
thank you very much jilly, and sara..... sara to answer your questions, she said that she had "quit" using like amonth before we started dating so i don't have any idea of any cravings or anything of that sort. The people that she has been hanging out with are not the same people but still talks to them on the phone and as far as i know this is as far as it goes, but just found out tonight that she still has five friends that she hangs out with regulaly that do coke. About the consuling, she was going to see one, (her parents told her that she "had" to) but she told me that the first day she went to see him she was high and that she had done a couple lines in the car before she went in, and told him everything the doctor told her what he thought, and since then has been lying to him so that he will say she is better now and what not. I completely agree that knowing this while not much emotion is envolved is a good idea, but still a part of me thinks-hopes that i could help, and know that sounds VERY cliche but I am so twisted up in knots that I have NO idea what to do, your continued advise would be GREATLY apperciated
.....but she told me that the first day she went to see him she was high and that she had done a couple lines in the car before she went in, and told him everything the doctor told her what he thought, and since then has been lying to him so that he will say she is better now and what not.
SHE IS NOT READY TO COMMIT TO LEAVING HER ADDICTION NOT READY TO ADMIT IT NOT READY TO DROP IT- i cannot express it any longer.
This girl is toxic and is not a good girlfriend you recently started dating she is lying to you and enduring a coke addiction.
Also to add a TRUE professional would see she is LYING because they know ALL the signs and have "been there done that" plenty of times. My guess is that she's lying- ask her what the doctors name is :and find out.
How old is she by the way? If she's underaged she would've been immediately been put into a rehab facility (with her parents signed agreements) or into a TRUE detox program.
A daft moo she is and you need to cut it right in the bud before you get sucked in and get hurt.
The only help you can do is take her to a clinic yourself other than that sit down and watch her waste her life away and she will end up in jail a few times because you end up doing crazy things for drugs and you will end up hurt.
She will not stop her coke use just because you suggested so. Ha, I wish it was that easy. I will tell you more - every time you will bring this subject it will only trigger her desire to have another line. Former addict is talking here.
Honestly, there is nothing you can do. Leave her now or accept the fact that the person you are dating has a serious "bad habit".
On a bright side though I would like to share a story.
Good friend of mine who hates smoking really deeply (she lost her beloved father due to the lung cancer) was dating an amazing almost perfect guy with the only problem - cigarette addiction. He told her upfront he is not going to quit ever. She cured his addiction by just enjoying fully their lives and not concentrating on smoking. Since they both love outdoor, they did lots of camping trips, biking, hiking, etc. The have very adventurous and eventful life that sometimes we would just "forget" or "would be to busy" to smoke. He still carries cigarettes on him every time, even though he has the same pack he bought about 8-9 month ago.
So there is hope!
(very slim chances though)
Last edited by Waiting2Live; 24th June 2008 at 8:58 AM.
So this may be a dumb question, but shoudl i take some sort of hope from the fact that she told me right away that she "used" to have a problem, and when i confronted her the other night she was right up front with me about using it again? Or should i be more focused on the fact with her attitude about the situation, and the perception that she does not think that using it every once in awhile is that big of a deal? Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise
....Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise
that is one big lie - stop buying into it. Coke gets addicting and in this case she is going back down the spiral.
So this may be a dumb question, but shoudl i take some sort of hope from the fact that she told me right away that she "used" to have a problem, and when i confronted her the other night she was right up front with me about using it again? Or should i be more focused on the fact with her attitude about the situation, and the perception that she does not think that using it every once in awhile is that big of a deal? Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise
It's like this....use every day, to me, would say, "that's an addict." Now, in my experience the best way to quit is little by little...one month is not enough time to be totally off it without a number of relapses....if she continues to associate with people who use, she will continue to use.
Some people can do drugs whenever and not have a problem; they are not addicts.
People who are addicts can not put down that rolled up dollar bill or straw or pipe, once they start, they can't stop.
You need to figure out if she's an addict or a user, and in either case, if you want to deal with that in a relationship.
So just a little update, the girl and I talked and i told her that i didn't want to get envolved with a girl that is using. She was upset but understood, we still talk every once in awhile, any suggestions on how to "covertly" try and help her? Shoudl i tell her parents that she is still using or would that raise up a whole different crap storm? Your continued help is appercaited!
Yes, I'd tell her parents if you really do care about her. Personally, I'd say that she won't get help unless <i>she</i> wants to get help, but sometimes a little parental pressure can get her to realize the errors of her ways. I wouldn't go out with her again for a long time, though.
So just a little update, the girl and I talked and i told her that i didn't want to get envolved with a girl that is using. She was upset but understood, we still talk every once in awhile, any suggestions on how to "covertly" try and help her? Shoudl i tell her parents that she is still using or would that raise up a whole different crap storm? Your continued help is appercaited!
In my opinion I would not keep her close. If she wants help she will seek it, no one can be forced to be sober (really they would have to be WILLING to quit, ask anyone else that has had an addiction-- you have to be willing not obligated to do so).
If this girl is underaged and I mean 21 and under I do firmly suggest you tell her parents- If she is a young adult well her butt will land in jail one of these days (eventually she'll go balistic for another "hit" and have no money and will do crazy things to get to it) and hopefully she'll learn her lesson the night she spends in the cold cell. This girl is going to learn it on her own.
Another thing you can do which is the "right" thing to do is find out who she is buying this from and report him anonymously. Drug dealers need to be taken off the streets regardless thier situation. As for other Members who may disagree with me- I don't care, drugs are an awful thing to put in your body and do awful things to the world around you.
ADVERTISEMENT In association with Amazon, a portion of your purchase helps support LoveShack.org
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:20 AM.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
with a coke user?
So....
Yup
Linear Mode
